


The Connect

by monstastories



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Supernatural Elements, Angst with a Happy Ending, Eventual Smut, Happy Ending, M/M, Past Rape/Non-con, Smut, Supernatural - Freeform, Supernatural Elements, Telepathy, Wonkyun, brief descriptions of violence, no description though, side Joohyuk
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-28
Updated: 2021-02-26
Packaged: 2021-02-27 00:27:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 81,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21598345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/monstastories/pseuds/monstastories
Summary: Changkyun lived a good life. He was a famous rapper, had money and people who loved him. After a car crash, he finds himself in a hospital bed, in a coma. Suddenly, he can hear, see and feel things he isn't supposed to, he isn't concious but he knows he is in a coma, he knows who is in the room, he knows everything and he comes to realize he is a mind reader. Which is how he finds out none of the people he thought loved him really did. And a person he thought he had lost for good, Hoseok, was there everyday, and Changkyun could read his mind and see that he had never stopped loving the younger.This is written in first person.Telepath!Changkyun
Relationships: Im Changkyun | I.M/Lee Hoseok | Wonho, Lim Changkyun | I.M/Shin Hoseok | Wonho
Comments: 33
Kudos: 87





	1. Familiar

**Author's Note:**

> hi guys!  
> sorry for any grammar mistakes  
> i hope you enjoy!

I liked my life. I had everything anyone could ask for. Fame, fortune, fans. I had a hot, tall boyfriend that really satisfied me in bed (who came along with an annoying best friend but that was fine), I had an amazing best friend, amazing fans. I was out and proud and even though half of Korea hated me for being an out and proud gay rapper, half of it loved me for that exact reason. I never knew I would have become Korea's biggest rapper and it was the best thing that had ever happened to me. The fame, the fortune, the music, made everything I went through, worth it. My best friend Mina was a rich, spoiled brat whom I loved very much. I had met her three years before at a Gucci store and had told me my outfit choice was a disaster. I met Sowon, online. He was a youtuber, when I saw a video of him singing, I fell in love and sent him a message on twitter. We started dating a month after. I was always on his videos, we made videos kissing a lot. Sowon's best friend, Hyunseok, was a pain in the ass photographer who produced Sowon's videos. I hated him. He was as fake as they came and I could tell he was always trying to steal Sowon away from me. But I could tolerate him for my boyfriend. And that was my life. And even though some people I wished were with me, weren't, I thought my life was perfect. Major spoiler: It wasn't.

 **LINE GROUP CHAT** " _FANTASTIC FOUR "_

**_MINA_ **

_hey, whores_

**_SOWON_ **

_who u callin whore, whore_

**_CHANGKYUN_ **

_Sowon, call her whore one more time and I will break up with you_

**_MINA_ **

_Ha!_

**_SOWON_ **

_you would break up with me because of her?_

**_CHANGKYUN_ **

_she is my ride or die, sorry_

**_SOWON_ **

_then fuck her instead_

**_CHANGKYUN_ **

_oh, if she had a dick, you would not stand a chance_

**_HYUNSEOK_ **

_Changkyunie hyung, you are the worst_

**_CHANGKYUN_ **

_Shut up, evil spawn_

_We going out for drinks tonight_

**_MINA_ **

_can't we drink at my place?_

_so tired of paparazzi following us around_

**_HYUNSEOK_ **

_You two should just kiss and give the paparazzi what they want_

**_CHANGKYUN_ **

_everybody has seen us kiss, they just want to take pictures of us poking our noses or using drugs_

**_HYUNSEOK_ **

_well, they get a lot of money for pictures of spontaneous kisses_

**_SOWON_ **

_is spontaneous a word_

**_MINA_ **

_are u stupid_

**_CHANGKYUN_ **

_I swear to god, you two like two little kids fighting over a lollipop_

**_HYUNSEOK_ **

_Your lollipop :P_

** TWITTER **

_@imwhatiam: happy pride! be who you are! love yourself! i love you!_

_@imwhatiam: wow, 12 MILLION followers? that is crazy, man_

_@imwhatiam: going to thailand for pride! see you there!_

_@imwhatiam: i am so thankful for your love and acceptance and I wish that for all of you _

_@imwhatiam : what a great day to be gay_

** PRIVATE LINE CHAT (FRIDAY 3:22PM) **

**_SOWON_ **

_go out with me_

**_CHANGKYUN_ **

_have I been tripping this whole time? have we not been dating for two years?_

**_SOWON_ **

_idiot_

_on a date, let's go on a date_

_we haven't in forever, we either stay home and get shit faced or go out and get shit faced_

**_CHANGKYUN_ **

_you love getting shit faced_

**_SOWON_ **

_I wanna do something romantic for my angel_

**_CHANGKYUN_ **

_I am not stopping you, baby boy_

_where you wanna go?_

**_SOWON_ **

_it's a surprise_

_i will pick you up from your studio at seven thirty five because i know you don't like cliches_

**_CHANGKYUN_ **

_you are so cute_

**_SOWON_ **

_hyung_

**_CHANGKYUN_ **

_hm?_

**_SOWON_ **

_love you so much!_

**_CHANGKYUN_ **

_love you too, baby boy_

_forever_

**_SOWON_ **

_forever and ever_

**** **PRIVATE LINE CHAT (FRIDAY 8:02PM)**

**_CHANGKYUN_ **

_dude_

**_MINA_ **

_what_

**_CHANGKYUN_ **

_dude_

**_MINA_ **

_WHAT what is it?_

**_CHANGKYUN_ **

_dude_

**_MINA_ **

_CHANGKYUN WHAT IS IT_

**_CHANGKYUN_ **

_sowon fucking proposed_

_like really proposed like to get married_

_he got down on one knee and said "marry me?"_

_there was a fucking ring in my champagne glass_

_like in the stupid romantic movies_

_thank god the champagne was shit or else i would have swallowed the damn thing_

_what a stupid move, ring in the champagne_

_so lame_

_but cute_

_he is cute_

_shit, he proposed_

**_MINA_ **

_then why are you texting me? go suck his face or something_

**_CHANGKYUN_ **

_i am freaking out_

_i freaked out and excused myself to the restroom_

**_MINA_ **

_what? why?_

_you love him_

**_CHANGKYUN_ **

_i was overwhelmed_

_i didnt know what to say_

**_MINA_ **

_there is only two possible answers, you idiot, it is not that complicated_

_do you wanna marry him?_

**_CHANGKYUN_ **

_i dont know_

_we never talked about it_

_its weird_

_it was so unexpected_

_i never thought of this_

_we cant even marry legally_

**_MINA_ **

_you are rich_

_a quick trip to taiwan in the jet and you are both all set_

_you are making excuses_

_say yes if you want_

_or just say no_

_i hate him but he is a good guy_

_he loves you so much_

_and you love him_

**_CHANGKYUN_ **

_i feel like something is holding me back but idk what it is_

_i wanna be with him_

_but i cant say yes_

_it feels wrong_

**_MINA_ **

_well, are you in love with someone else?_

**_CHANGKYUN_ **

_pls, the last guy i loved hates me and would kick me in the balls if he saw me_

_i dont love him anymore_

_definitely not_

**_MINA_ **

_then what_

_if you want to just say yes_

**_CHANGKYUN_ **

_okay_

_alright_

_okay_

_i'll just say yes and get married_

_lol_

_haha_

**_MINA_ **

_then go_

_you can always get divorced after_

**_CHANGKYUN_ **

_true_

**_MINA_ **

_good luck_

** TWITTER **

** TWEETS FROM CHANGKYUN **

_@imwhatiam: So I just got engaged_

_@imwhatiam: i can't believe it , this is kinda weird_

_@imwhatiam: sowon is an idiot, why marry me of all people_

_@imwhatiam: i love my boyfriend_

_@imwhatiam: not boyfriend! fiance <3_

I'm familiar with confusion. When I was six I thought defense was a kind of ham. When I was eight I was confused as to why boys couldn't kiss boys. When I was ten I was confused when I found out the earth was not filled with ice cream like I assumed it was when I watched _Shark Boy Lava Girl._ When I was twelve I was confused as to why my dick was hard and weird like it was and why it felt so good touching it. When I was fourteen I was confused as to why I didn't wanna touch girls' boobs when all my friends did. When I was sixteen I was confused. The most I had been in my whole life. As to how Hoseok was so perfect, why he had such nice friends, why he was so nice, why I couldn't hate him like I wanted, why I loved him so much. I have always been familiar with confusion but not with the confusion I felt these past 75 days. 

I am also familiar with pain. The pain I felt when I fell down the playhouse when I insisted to get on top of it and smashed my skull against the floor, when I broke my finger playing basketball, when my father punched me when I came out, I am familiar with pain. But it was nothing compared to the pain I felt in the past 75 days. 

I used to think my life was perfect. I used to think I was loved by everyone around me. I used to think abandoning my friends was worth it. But I was wrong. As I usually am. 

It all started beautifully. When my boyfriend Sowon proposed. I freaked out. Then after talking to my best friend Mina I eased into it. She asked if I loved someone else and I lied saying I didn't. I do. I never got over Hoseok and I don't think I ever will. It's all my fault, though. He will never forgive me. So when I said yes to Sowon, it wasn't because I loved him, I did love him but not like I love Hoseok. I said yes because I knew I'd never have Hoseok so I'd have to settle for second best. 

I even forgot about Hoseok for a moment after I said yes. When Sowon and I left the restaurant clumsy kissing and laughing, repeatedly calling each other fiancé. When we got in the car and fooled around for a while before we left. But then I thought of Hoseok again. How I'd die before apologizing. I thought of him when a car smashed against ours, when our car spun around and I was hanging upside down. Sowon was passed out. I tried waking him up but he wouldn't respond. I didn't know if he was dead or not. I didn't know anything. I started screaming, and calling for help but no one came. I was so confused. Why wasn't anyone helping us? Why didn't anything hurt? Adrenaline? Was I paralysed? Then I couldn't fight it and I passed out.

Things are so weird when you pass out. There's nothing. No darkness, no dreams, just nothing. Thoughts are a weird thing. But things went from nothing to voices and random, blurry movements. People squeezing my hand, the constant smell of flowers, pain all over my body. 

Then was the time I found out what true pain was. It felt like someone was squishing my brain. Like my limbs were being twisted. And I didn't know if that was hell, if I was dead and suffering or if it was real. I didn't know being so confused was possible. 

I could hear my parents' voice. Suddenly random memories of me as a baby, of me as a child, of my house, things I never saw before, came to my mind. Memories that I knew weren't mine but they seemed real because I could feel emotions in them. So many memories came to my head, random thoughts, random people, so many things that made my head hurt. And they wouldn't stop. I could hear myself squirm not only because of the physical pain but the mental pain. Everything was confusing and I felt like I was falling down an endless hole. Of pain, confusion, hurt. 

Then some of the voices started making a little more sense, then I squeezed the hand that holds mine back, I hear people cheering. I heard Mina's voice. My parents. My manager. I wanted to open my eyes and see them, talk to them but it was like they were glued shut. I wondered. Was I paralyzed? Couldn't I even move my eyes? 

It felt like I had lost complete control of my mind. I thought of the most random and crazy things, felt the most random and crazy emotions, saw people I had never seen before. But then, out of all of those I was able to concentrate on one. In the memory, I was sitting on a bench, nervously looking at a door. My old classroom door. Then I saw myself walking out of that door. When I watched myself walk out that door my heart flutters. Why does it flutter over seeing myself? 

_"Hyung!" The me that I see said, running towards me. We hugged tightly and kissed softly on the lips. I remembered this day. Literature. Finals. Second-year. But it was not how I remembered. I felt like the memory I had wasn't mine but of the person who lived it with me. Hoseok._

_"How was it? Did you do well?" Hoseok asked in the memory._

_I nodded hard. "Thank you. Really. Maybe--maybe I really can get into your university. And-and we can be together!"_

_He ruffled my hair. "I knew you could do it"_

After that, I felt a big hand take my own and squeeze it. It felt familiar. It was the first time whatever someone said made complete sense. 

"Kkukkungie…" The voice whispered. It sounded like they were crying. I could hear them sniffing. Was it Hoseok? He has always been the only one who called me that. Why couldn't I open my eyes? I wanted to see him. Why was all my useless body able to do was squeeze hands? 

"I miss you." I knew it was Hoseok. I knew his voice. I could see myself looking at me lying on that bed once more but I couldn't see who I was. "Please wake up." He cried. "Please, please, don't leave me." 

_I won't. I won't leave you. Please forgive me. I miss you._

"I was just thinking of that day…" He said after a while of quietly crying. "That day you said…" He sighed, chuckling. "You said you'd stay with me forever. Even if you had to wipe my ass when I was old and delusional." He laughed. "Fuck." He whispered. "My baby…"

The number of memories and thoughts and overwhelming love I felt were crazy. I was so confused about where those came from or what was even going on. I was getting used to them though. Little by little. 

Without being able to control my body, I found myself trying to control my mind. Trying to stop these memories and thoughts from coming to me. But it felt impossible. I just wished I had known. I just wished I had known if I was dead or not. 

Then I found out I'm not when I am finally able to open my eyes. The light in the room was blinding, it hurt my head like crazy. There was no one around, I realized after a while of getting used to having my eyes opened. I was in a hospital bed. I was cold. My body felt fine but my head hurt like hell. I was still confused. Then I heard someone. Not in my ear but in my head. I wondered if I was going crazy. Hearing voices. 

_God, I hope this kid wakes up. He's so important to our community, so brave, I can't believe someone would hit someone's car on purpose because someone is gay._

"You're awake!" The nurse who seemed to be the one speaking in my head said with a huge smile. 

"Where's everyone?" I asked. 

_Poor kid._ There's a deep sigh. 

"I can call your parents if you'd like. Your friend. Mina was it?" She said. 

"No thank you." I told her when I saw memories of them not being around for a while. "I'd like to know what's going on." 

"Why don't I call the doctor?" She said and turned around. 

Though I could hear many things in my head about what had happened, I didn't believe them. I figured they were probably negative thoughts. I thought everything was okay. I just didn't understand why Mina and Sowon weren't there. 

Suddenly there were more memories in my mind of a head cut open with many instruments around it, surgery, brain surgery, my brain, this huge needdle with green substance that looked like it came out of those science fiction movies. Then I looked up and saw the doctor standing there. I looked at her wide-eyed. But all that was on my mind was suddenly muffins and frappuccino. I hate frappuccino. 

The doctor bowed and smiled at me sympathetically. She examined me quickly, asked me to squeeze her hands, wiggle my toes, look into a light and a bunch of things like that. Then she stood in front of me and smiled at me again. 

"Changkyunie, I'm Doctor Park Youri." She told me. 

I nodded and bowed. 

"You were in an accident. You hit your head pretty badly, broke your hand and had other minor injuries. You had to have surgery for your head and hand. The damage to your brain was severe which is why we had to keep you in a coma for a few weeks and—" 

Everything she told me, I could see, the gurney being strolled in the hospital, a lot of blood, a lot of surgeries. Three months. I had been there for three months. Had I? It was probably just in my head. She hadn't said I'd been there for three months. 

"How long have I been in a coma?" I asked her. 

"Three months." She told me

72 days. Why did that number come to my head? It couldn't be. "How many days exactly?"

"Seventy-two days." The nurse told me. "You had many visitors." 

I nodded and smiled. I could see many people walking in my hospital room, I could hear laughter. But two weeks after that no one else showed up in the memories I saw. Except for this guy. Hoseok. Hoseok had shown up. He had been there every day.

"Hoseok was here?" I asked, ignoring whatever else the doctor was saying since she was just telling me things that were already in my mind. 

"Hoseok?" The nurse asked. "I haven't met anyone who came to see you called Hoseok." 

_Shit. Why did I have to promise that Hoseok guy to keep quiet? Why did he have to be so nice and charming and his kid so cute?_

She looked like she was lying and her voice in my mind said she was lying. I might have been tripping but I was pretty sure I could read her mind. I figured all these memories and feelings and thoughts were other people's. I kept wondering if I was tripping. Wondering what the fuck kind of pills those doctors were giving me. 

Apparently the car crash had not been an accident and someone had hit us on purpose. Police assumed it had been an act of homophobia but they were after the driver for homicide since the crash resulted in a death. They told me about Sowon's death but I wasn't shocked. It was like I had already known it since day one. Like it was already in the minds of the people in there so I knew it. They gave me more information about my injuries and surgeries and how I should take care of myself and find someone to help. 

After all the updates and conversation I asked the nurse and the doctor to keep everything going on quiet. Not to tell anyone or call anyone about me. That the secrecy was a celebrity thing even though, in this case, it wasn't. I figured that if the people who love me were there fourteen out of seventy-two days it meant that they didn't really give a shit. If they wanted to be with me they would've been there when I woke up. But Hoseok was there. He was there every day at eleven watching from the door and hiding away from my parents so they wouldn't see him since they hated Hoseok. He was there with that little kid I have yet to find out who because there were so many thoughts I didn't even realize there was a kid when I heard him there. I don't know how I knew these things. But I did. 

I felt sad about Sowon. Really sad. But I was so distracted by what everyone in the hospital was thinking I didn't even have time to be sad. 

In the following three weeks I was there, no one showed up. Hoseok didn't show up anymore either. In most of the first week, I was testing out the waters, trying to figure out if I wasn't losing my mind. If I could actually read minds. I searched online about mind reading a lot. Which didn't help. But I concluded that I did in fact read minds which was mind-blowing. And super cool. Especially for a Marvel fan. I was basically a superhero. I was really tired of having to listen to my doctor thinking of random baked goods, though. 

I began to realize that reading minds wasn't like what it was in movies. That thoughts are complicated. That they're memories, ideas, feelings. And I could see it all in my head, not just hear words. I could see people's children, people's dinner, whatever the person thought of when they were next to me, I could see it, I could feel it, I could hear it as if I was the one experiencing those thoughts, feelings and memories. Fuck, this was so cool. I kept wondering if I they would want me to in the X men when I got out of the hospital. 

I spent my last week in the hospital trying to figure out how to control this gift. Little by little I realised that if I concentrate hard enough on my own thoughts I could stop other people's thoughts from invading my mind, if I concentrated hard enough on people's thoughts I could see things they weren't thinking which I had done once with a nurse who had been changing my pee bag thingy and it was traumatizing. Traumatizing because I had to feel all the awful things she had gone through as a black lesbian woman in Korea. And shit, I had no idea the things women went through felt so awful. So I decided to not go in deeper than what people think right when they see me. Which was kind of cool, I could separate the fakes from the others. Like a nurse who walked in trying to befriend me and kept thinking of how many Instagram followers she would get if she became my friend. So I mostly ignored people like that. And I got close to nurses who genuinely worried and cared which made me happy. 

It was fucking cool, man. But the more control I gained of the gift, the thing, the whatever, the less control I had of my mind, the sadder I felt, the more I thought of Sowon and our last moments together, all our moments together. So I focused on other people, learning things about them, about the gift, about how far I had to be to peak in people's thoughts. Apparently I have to be near them which is too bad but at least I could hear what the nurses roaming near my room were thinking which was way better than watching TV. 

After three weeks I was released and able to walk out of the hospital on foot with only my wallet. Since my phone had been destroyed in the crash, I went straight to the store and got me the newest iPhone which I didn't have to actually wait two months to come out, like I thought I would have, because, well, I was in a coma. Which was worse but whatever. 

When I got to my apartment, I felt relieved for a tiny second. Until I saw my fiancé's best friend lying on my couch. And all his thoughts came flooding in my head. And I wished they hadn't.


	2. Betrayal

_"Have you told him yet?" Hyunseok asked Sowon as they laid naked in bed together._

_"I can't just tell him." Sowon said as Hyunseok rolled over to lie on Sowon's arms._

_Hyunseok pouted. "Why not?"_

_**"** Changkyun is definitely the jealous type. If he knew we are friends with benefits or whatever we are, he'd break up with me." _

_"Well, you told me that if you found someone but they didn't accept our relationship that you wouldn't want them."_

_"You don't get it." Sowon said and sighed. "Getting close to Changkyun could be good for us. He posted one picture with me, only one and he didn't even tag me, and I got over 100 thousand followers on twitter. Imagine what it'd be like if we started getting serious? I'd be famous like him. Even more. Maybe I won't even need him and I can just dump him and be with you. "_

_**"** Be with me?" Hyunseok asked, grinning. "I thought you wanted us to be friends. So we'd last forever." _

_Sowon pouted as he played with Hyunseok's fingers and caressed his arm. "Maybe I don't want that anymore." He whispered, brushing his lips against the other's. "Maybe I want more." He pressed his lips against Hyunseok's and smiles._

_"I want more too. I want forever."_

The memories filled my mind so intensely I felt like I had actually been there. And it hurt. Because I loved Sowon. But he never loved me. Never. And I just wanted to lie down on the floor and cry. But I didn't. I still had my pride. 

"What the fuck are you doing here?" I yelled, walking through my apartment doors.

Hyunseok immediately stood up, holding one of Sowon's Teddy bears. "Changkyunie—" 

"Get out of my apartment." I told him angrily, walking towards him. 

"He told you." Hyunseok whispered, staring at the Teddy Bear's face. 

"He didn't have to." I said and ripped the Teddy bear off his hands. "Why are you here?" I asked. "You think we are gonna be grieving widowers together?" I whispered with my jaw locked. "Think we are gonna cry and comfort each other? After you had sex with my boyfriend behind my back?" 

"It wasn't like that—" 

"Wasn't it?" 

"No. Or course not. We were just friends. Friends with benefits. He wanted to tell you." 

"Why the fuck would he need a fuck buddy if he had me?" I yelled then took a deep breath with my hands on my hips and scoffed. "You two are pieces of shit." 

"Hyung--"

"You're a fucking liar." I told him, pointing at him then sighed. 

"I'm not." He replies in small tone. 

"When he asked me out, I asked you. I asked you if there was something going on between you two. You lied to my face!" 

"Hyung, I didn't! I'd never, I-I—" 

He was just worried about the number of followers he'd lose when I didn't post pictures with him anymore. I could read his mind so easily. "You just wanted me for numbers, didn't you? Both of you." 

He shook his head hard. "Of course not." 

I tittered, shaking my head. "If I didn't have money or fame, would he have even looked at me? Or you?" 

"Hyung, he loved you. And I asked him to tell you the truth many times but—" 

I scoffed. "Now you're gonna blame your mistakes on the dead?" I shook my head. "It's easier that way, isn't it? Since he's not here to defend himself." 

"Hyung, it's not—" 

"What were you two even thinking? Keep playing me after I married him too? What's wrong with you?" 

"I'm sorry." Hyunseok whispered, tears streaming down his face and I rolled my eyes because, well, I could read his mind, and he wasn't sorry. 

"Get the fuck out of my apartment." I told him but he stood still, grabbed the Teddy bear on the floor and sat down, hugging it. "Didn't you fucking hear me?" 

"I can't." Hyunseok whispered. "I can't leave. This was his home. I can't. I need to feel close to him. I can't do this if I—" 

"Get the fuck out of here!" I yelled.

He shook his head. "I won't. I can't..." He sobbed. "I feel, when I am here, I feel like he with me, I can't..." 

I scoffed and shook my head. "You know what? Keep the fucking apartment." I told him. "I know that after you lose me you won't be able to afford to eat so that's the least I can do to the grieving widower." I gave him a sarcastic smile, bowed, turned around and left. 

And those were the worst days of my life. And here I am, walking through the snowy streets of Seoul, crying my eyes out, not knowing where to go. I don't trust Mina now. Before today, I would have trusted Sowon with my soul in a jar but now I don't trust anyone. I don't even wanna see Mina and risk going through what I just went through again. I just want to stop crying. Why am I even crying for people who don't give a fuck about me? Why am I crying for a dead bastard? 

I feel so emotional and so upset, I can't concentrate enough to keep all the thoughts away so I get in a cab and tell the driver to just drive. He doesn't say anything but he thinks a lot. About me. 

_Can't believe that faggot rapper made it. Should've rotted with his faggot boyfriend_. 

I've come to realise that reading minds is not as good as people think. People's minds are dark and disgusting and sometimes it's scary to know what's in them. 

I ask the driver to drop me off at Hoseok's address. I don't know what I'm doing there but maybe seeing him will help me stop crying. But when I get to the familiar apartment we once shared, I don't find him there but two young college students who say they don't know a Hoseok. The girls ask for autographs and tell me how glad they are that I'm okay and how worried they were. And they are genuine, I can read it in their minds. And that makes me not want to cry for a moment. They ask for pictures and I gladly take them but ask them not post them or tell people I was there. I might not have friends but at least I have my fans. 

I go up to the roof, a place Hoseok and I used to spend a lot of time together --and have a lot of sex-- and I lie down on the floor, close my eyes and let the snow fall on my face. For a second I think if how it'd be fine if I lay here and froze to death. Just for a second. 

I grab my phone and sync my icloud contacts to find my mom's phone number. I hesitate on calling. My parents and I don't have the best relationship. They sent me off to college and paid for my school but ignored me for years until I got famous and rich. Then they wanted to see me and tell me how proud they were. They also weren't there in the hospital even for over two weeks. They gave up on me. But I call anyways. Just so they know I'm alive. 

"Hi, mom." I say when she picks up the phone. 

"Changkyun? Is that you?" My mom asks.

"Let me video chat you." I tell her. 

I press the video button on screen and soon her face appears on it. She's wearing a big smile, her hair is perfectly coiffed as always, she is sitting on the living room couch and my dad is right behind her. 

"Honey, you're awake!" I can see tears stream down her face and sadly, I cannot read minds through facetime. 

"I got out of the hospital a little bit ago." I tell her. 

"Why didn't you call us?" Dad asks. 

"I'm okay." I tell him.

"Before you offer... you don't have to come all the way here to see me." I sigh.

"We wouldn't mind. We were there with you the whole time but we had to come home... dad had work and I had book club." Mom explains. 

"Don't worry about it, mom." I tell her, even though part of me wishes they would come, even if our relationship is rocky, a kid wants to have their parents when they need them. But I am not a kid anymore, am I? "I'm okay now. My friends are taking good care of me." Thankfully, I've always been a great liar. 

"Why do you look so pale, honey? Are you sure you are okay?" Mother asks.

"I'm fine, mom. I promise." 

"Well, come visit us." My mom says. "And rest as much as you can. Don't go right back to work. Your doctor said you would need a lot of rest when you left the hospital. Because of your brain surgery." 

I smile and nod. "I will rest, don't worry, mom." 

"Be careful, son." Dad tells me. "With these people. I always tell you that famous people—" 

"Don't worry dad." I say, widening my eyes. "I got my eyes open." 

"Call me if you need anything." Mom says. 

"I gotta go. But I'll message you if I need." I say then hang up as fast as I can. 

I don't want to talk to them. They make me uncomfortable. They're homophobes. They love my fame like most people but not me. And yet, I wish they would take care of me.

I sit up and take a deep breath. I don't want to be alone. It's funny how I've always been so comfortable being alone but right now it's the last thing I want. I want his comfort. His warm embrace. I want Hoseok. So I'll just dig around for his address online. And I'll find it. I'll sit here on this roof until I find it. Or until I freeze to death. 


	3. Homecoming

** TWEETS FROM CHANGKYUN **

_@imwhatiam:_ hey, i am alive

 _@imwhatiam:_ thank you for the kind and beautiful messages, i love you guys

 _@imwhatiam:_ i am taking good care of myself and resting a lot, dont worry

 _@imwhatiam:_ love you all, please take care of yourselves, sorry i worried you all!

**TWITTER DIRECT MESSAGES**

**TO @HOSEOKNUTRITIONIST**

_hi, hyung_

_I know we havent talked in a while_

_i really wanna see you_

_i am a little injured and i thought i could stay with you for a few days_

_i dont really have anyone to take care of me and i wouldnt be asking if i didnt really need you_

_and no one takes care of me quite like you_

_i miss you im sorry_

_hyung_

_please?_

_hello?_

_can i just see you for a little?_

_whats your address? when did you move?_

_i will just go over there then, you are probably busy and wont see this_

_ok then_

_see you later?_

_ok_

** TWITTER DIRECT MESSAGES **

** TO @SONHYUNUNU **

_Hi, hyung, this is changkyun, haha remember me?_

_Hope you are ok_

_i know you all hate me_

_but i really need to ask you something_

_do you know where hoseok hyung lives?_

_well of course you know haha_

_i was wondering if you could tell me_

_tell me where he lives i mean_

_pls dont ignore me too_

_hyung?_

_hello?_

**TWITTER DIRECT MESSAGES**

**TO @CHYUNGWONAE**

_hiii wonnie hyungie_

_wassuuuuup_

_how are you_

_good?_

_im not haha_

_i was wondering if you could give me hoseok hyung's address_

_i really need to see him and i cant reach him_

_why did you all change phone numbers? what happened?_

_hello?_

_hyungieee_

** TWITTER DIRECT MESSAGES **

** TO @JOOHEONOLISDAD **

_hey_

_jooheonie my man_

_best buddy haha miss you_

_how are you?_

_helloooo_

_joohoney_

_haha_

_jooheonie onehunnit_

_hiiii_

**FROM @JOOHEONOLISDAD**

_go back to your rich friends and stop bothering us_

** TWITTER DIRECT MESSAGE **

**_@IMWHATIAM_ **

_hey_

_**@KIHYUNYOOKI** _

_why are you dming me_

_**@IMWHATIAM** _

_i was wondering if you could ask hoseok hyung to answer my dms ):_

_**@KIHYUNYOOKI** _

_what a fucking nerve you have_

_do not dm me anymore_

_nevermind i will just block you_

** THIS USER HAS BLOCKED YOU **

** TWITTER DIRECT MESSAGES **

_**@IMWHATIAM** _

_min hyungie_

_hello_

_hiii_

_**@LEELEEMINHYUK** _

_what_

_**@IMWHATIAM** _

_haha there is a reason you have always been my favorite hyung_

_**@LEELEEMINHYUK** _

_what do you want?_

_**@IMWHATIAM** _

_hoseok hyung's address :(_

_**@LEELEEMINHYUK** _

_changkyunie_

_don't you think you have put him through enough?_

_we have been going through a lot lately_

_and i know you have too with almost dying or whatever_

_but it isnt our problem_

_not since YOU left and cut all ties with us_

_**@IMWHATIAM** _

_how cold of you_

_**@LEELEEMINHYUK** _

_rich coming from you_

_**@IMWHATIAM** _

_i just wanna see him, hyung_

_i need him_

_**@LEELEEMINHYUK** _

_he has needed you a lot for the past four years_

_we all needed you_

_but you weren't here_

_and i know hoseok_

_he is kind and and will take you back in seconds_

_but he deserves better_

_if you love him, back the fuck off_

_**@IMWHATIAM** _

_i cant_

_i know i made a mistake_

_i know i fucked up_

_but i cant do this alone_

_everything is fucked up_

_i need you_

_hyung please answer me_

_**@LEELEEMINHYUK** _

_i have work now_

_just_

_stay away from him_

_its whats best for him_

_hes cried enough over you_

** TWEETS FROM CHANGKYUN **

_@imwhatiam_ : hi, babes. i wanted to ask you guys something!

 _@imwhatiam_ : i have a dear old friend called lee hoseok, his username is hoseoknutritionist, i cant reach him and i was wondering if any of you can find me his address

** (2498 NEW DIRECT MESSAGE REQUESTS) **

_@imwhatiam_ : oh shit, you guys are fast

 _@imwhatiam_ : thanks, i got it! thank you!

 _@imwhatiam_ : you guys are the best!!!

_"Hey, babe." Hoseok says with his mouth full of instant ramen as he watches me walk through the door._

_l look different, nervous, I'm fidgeting. Like I'm hiding something. "We need to talk." I tell him._

_"Are you okay?" He asks, standing up to walk towards me and wrap his arms around my waist. "Are you sick?" He questions, caressing my back._ _I shake my head and tears begin streaming down my face. "Hey, hey, hey, baby, baby, what's wrong?" He whispers, removing his arm from my waist to wipe my tears away with his thumb but I softly push him away before he can reach my face._

_"I wanna break up." I blurt out and he looks at me wide eyed._

_"You what?" He asks._

_"My manager said that things are going well for me. As a rapper. That I could be big and I can't have any distractions. You. The guys. I need to put my career first. He said he's giving me my own apartment and—"_

_"You are serious?"_

_I nod slowly, squeezing my eyes shut. "Yes."_

_"Changkyun." He says, taking a step forward and taking my hand._

_I let go of his hand rarshly and look down, taking a deep breath. "I'm serious, hyung."_

_He let's out a breathy laugh in disbelief. "Changkyunie…"_

__ _I raise my head too look right into his eyes. "I'm serious." I repeat, just to make it clear._

_"Changkyunie, no. Please, don't-- Why? Why would you--"_

_"Hyung, this isn't… I just don't feel the same about you anymore..."_

_Hoseok shakes his head and the tears begin falling down his face. “I don’t believe you.” He wraps his arms around me and holds me tight, nuzzling my neck. “You said yesterday…” He whispers. “You said I was the only one you would ever love. That--”_

_I sofly push him away again and sigh. “Hyung, I don’t want this.” I tell him. “I don’t want this ordinary life, I don’t want to play house and raise cats and be a nobody. I want to be a successful rapper. I want to be known. I want--”_

_“Why can’t you have that and have me?” Hoseok sobs. “Why?”_

_I shake my head. “You distract me. There are things and--”_

_“Changkyunie, we have been together for six years. We--”_

_“You will get in my way.” I say calmly. “There will come a time where you will get in the way of my dreams, that--”_

_Hoseok scoffs. “What are you talking about? Who told you this? Your manager? Is he filling your head with this bullshit?” He asks. “All I’ve ever done is support you. Ever since you were sixteen.”_

_“We are done, hyung. I’ve made up my mind.” I sigh. “I just want a new life, okay? You can even keep all my stuff. I won’t need them anymore.”_

That memory plays again and again in my mind as I sit in front of Hoseok’s mom’s house front door. After going through thousands of DMs I finally found out that he is here and I have been knocking on the door for the last five minutes. And I know he's there even though he's ignoring me because the memory is coming from him who isn’t far from me, because I am able to hear his thoughts. I was there that day, I am that memory, but feeling, seeing and thinking that memory is much more painful than mine is. And I am trying hard not to look closer and dig deeper into what happened after. I want to respect Hoseok’s thoughts and privacy but that memory won’t stop replaying, I can't stop feeling the mix of emotions he feels, anger, sadness, confusion and nostalgia, mixed with my shame and regret makes it all overwhelming.

“Hoseok, I know you are there.” I say, knocking. “I will freeze to death, please let me in.”

“No!” Hoseok yells cutely from inside. “Kihyun said that if I opened the door for you he wouldn’t cook for me tomorrow night like he promised.”

“I’ll cook for you.” I tell him.

He scoffs. “You don't cook as well as Kihyun.” 

“Hey!” I protest and we both laugh softly.

There is a moment of silence and it is comfortable, suddenly the intense feelings aren't as strong but the confusion he feels about them keep taking over his mind. 

“I know you were there,” I say, resting my head on the door. “I felt you.”

“Felt me?” He asks.

“Please open the door for your kkukkungie.” I say in a child-like tone.

The door suddenly opens abruptly and I fall on my back on the floor and give him a soft smile, lying on my back. “Hey.”

“Planning on moving in?” He asks, pointing at my duffel bag. “Just to leave me again?” He asks, raising his eyebrows then turns around and walks in the house.

I stand up clumsily, grab my bag and close the door behind me then follow him to the living room. He is wearing boxers and a big white shirt with a smiley face on it. His thighs are even more muscular, his ass is bigger, I had no idea he could get so much hotter in only four years and for a second I am thankful he can’t read my dirty thoughts. But I can read his when he turns around and realises I am checking him out but he doesn’t say anything, even though his mind is filled with the dirtiest and filthiest moments we have had, mixed with a lot of confusion. But then he sits down on the couch and his thoughts get even more confusing, happy, sad, many different memories coming up in his mind. 

_"I just wanna kiss him stupid."_ I hear in Hoseok's mind. _"I just wanna touch him. I just wanna hug him and tell him it’s okay. I just wanna hold his hand, tell him I love him. I wanna fuck him until he can't speak. I want him. But he hurt me and I have humiliated myself enough."_

Then his mind is filled with anger, just anger and a bit of confusion, the memory of the day I left lingering there. He crosses his arms and sighs deeply. “Why are you here, anyways?” He asks. “Your rich and famous friends found richer and more famous friends?”

“Well, one of my best friends was sleeping with my fiancé and I don’t even know if I can trust my best friend anymore.” I tell him and laugh nervously as I place my bag on the floor by the couch then sit by his side. “I kinda gave my apartment to the adulterous piece of shit but now I am too proud to go back and tell him to leave so I came here?”

Hoseok rolls his eyes. “Aren’t you rich or whatever?”

“I wanted to come here.” I tell him. “To see you.”

“Because you almost died?” He asks.

“Because you were there when nobody else was.” I tell him and take his hand. “Like you always were.”

"You haven't seen me in years and you just... show up now?"

"I need you, hyung." I tell him. "Things are so fucked up right now and I... I have no one."

I can see how empathic he feels, I can feel how much he loves me, how much he wants to forgive me, how when he looks at my lips he is dying to kiss me. How the feeling of my hand over his on his thighs makes him think of touching me everywhere, kiss me everywhere. But he doesn’t kiss me and I respect that. I keep trying not to read his thoughts but it’s so hard. 

“When I was in that hospital… When I heard your voice, when you held my hand.” I whisper. “I felt safe.”

“How do you know you weren’t just dreaming? You were in a coma.” His voice comes out so softly it’s like cotton softly brushing against my ears. I have always loved the sound of his voice. 

“The nurses told me this big hot man came to see me every day.” I lie, smiling as we look at each other’s lips. “I remember you told me you were thinking about the day I told you I’d wipe your ass if you needed me to.”

He laughs, such a genuine and beautiful laugh. I realize how much I missed every single thing about him. His face, his laugh, his voice, his body, his touch. What a big mistake I made leaving him. No money, no fame, nothing is better than calling this man mine, than loving him and I wish I had seen it sooner.

“I still would.” I tell him. “Do anything you need from me.”

“Changkyunie…” He whispers and sighs. “A lot has changed. A lot has happened.”

“Do you have a boyfriend?” I ask him, not being able to hide the sadness in my eyes from the possibility of it being true. And I know I can just read his mind but I am still trying not to.

“I don’t, Kyunie."

"Can I stay here? For a little bit? The doctors said I can't be alone and I really have anyone else, hyung." 

Hoseok sighs. "Changkyunie, we aren't friends. I haven't—" 

"I know I broke all my promises when I left." I tell him. "But you said you'd always take care of me." I whisper. "And I need it now. How else am I gonna remember my pills? I mean, what if my brain explodes?" 

Hoseok chuckles, shaking his head. 

"I know you don't break promises, hyung." 

"Fine." He tells me and I smile widely. "But no funny business, no drugs, no parties, none of that famous people thing." 

I give him a short hug and cheer. "Thank you. I promise I'll be good. I'll wash the dishes. I can pay if you—" 

"Changkyun, I don't want your money, okay?" 

I nod hard. "Okay, I'm sorry." 

I look around the room and frown when I realise all the family pictures are gone. "So, Where's your mom? Your brother? Why are you living here now?" 

Hoseok is silent for a moment before he begins to speak. "Mom… She…" He sighs. "My mom—" 

“The guy from the picture!” A child's voice comes from beside us and I turn to see a little boy standing by the door wearing a frog onesie. He looks about four years old and very adorable. Hoseok immediately pulls his hand off mine and smiles at the kid.

“Now, why are you still up, hm?” Hoseok asks and the boy runs towards him to jump in his arms.

And now I do not stop myself from reading Hoseok’s mind. He has a kid? No. It’s his nephew. Thank God.

“Samchon Seokie, why is the guy from the picture in your room here?” The kid asks, looking into Hoseok’s eyes with his tiny hands on his cheeks. Picture in his room? Hoseok has a picture of me in his room? Until this day? 

I smile and Hoseok sighs but can't hide his blushing. “This is Changkyun.” Hoseok tells the little guy with a smile as he caresses the kid’s hair. He looks at me and keeps smiling. “Kyunie this is Namkyu. Kyunie like you. Hyunwoo’s son.”

My eyes widen. “Hyunwoo hyung has a son?” I ask. 

The child yawns then rests his head on Hoseok’s chest and closes his eyes as Hoseok pats his back. “Yes. Minhyuk and Jooheon too. A little girl. Like I said, you missed a lot.”

I sigh and nod. “I regret it, you know?" I tell him, taking the child’s hand and caressing the back of it with my thumb. “I wish I had never left you. What we had was…”

“But you did.” Hoseok says calmly. “And it hurt like hell.”

“I know.” I tell him.

My mind is taken over by the overwhelming feelings of the memories Hoseok brings to his mind right then. Memories of the days he stayed home, crying, of when he started drinking to forget me, when he gained so much weight because all he did was sleep and eat, when he didn’t even want to live after I left. Feelings of pain, loss, confusion, and despair. Memories of how much it hurt him. I feel it all. So I start crying, sobbing, like I had been there. Like I felt it all. Crying like I was earlier. It all feels too much. It’s all too much sadness. So I close my eyes and focus on my own thoughts but they hurt too. They hurt so much. It all hurts. 

Hoseok doesn't comfort me like I expect but it's probably because he's holding a child and maybe he's a little confused. 

“Why don’t you sleep in the guest room?” Hoseok suggests, standing up as he holds the child. “My brother’s old room. Do you remember where it is?”

I nod, sniffing, trying to wipe my tears away but more keep coming. He goes up the stairs probably to put Namkyu back to bed. I sit there crying for a while as he is upstairs, then I lie down and cry more then I fall asleep.

I wake up to people arguing. I am not in the living room, I am in Hoseok’s brother’s room which looks very different now, the walls aren’t dark blue anymore, just plain beige, there are no soccer posters or trophies or instruments like before, only a bed, a nightstand, a drawer and a wardrobe. Maybe Hoseok chose this room for me because this is the bed where we gave our virginities to each other. Where we laughed and measured who had the bigger dick, where I made fun of Hoseok because “you have a bigger dick but can’t even hold your come for more than three minutes”. I will never forget that day. Maybe he knew I’d feel better if I was in this room. Or maybe it’s just the guest room. 

I am wearing different clothes than I was wearing when I fell asleep. A big black hoodie and sweatpants, nothing underneath just as I like it. And I keep thinking about how it was for Hoseok to change me and see me naked. I hope he got turned on. I will figure out when I peak into his head.

As I stretch, I look to the nightstand and see all my things, except my clothes, perfectly organized there. My brand new headphones, all my toiletries had been organized in a tiny bag, my phone, my charger. It gives me major nostalgia and I think of how living with him was like, how he took care of me like a baby, organised everything so carefully. Hoseok is the most gentle and caring person I have ever met and he is very polite. He does everything gracefully, even organizing my things. He even folded all my clothes and put them in the wardrobe. It makes me feel a little emotional. Makes me feel stupid for ever leaving him.

When I come out of the room the arguing is louder. I recognize Kihyun’s voice and Hyungwon’s voice coming from a loudspeaker somewhere. I am too far away to listen to what Kihyun is thinking but I am scared to go downstairs and find out because Kihyun seems very mad. So I sit at the top of the stairs, holding my legs to my chest, leaning down trying to hear what they are arguing about.

“You shouldn’t even have let him in!” Kihyun yells.

“Can you lower your voice? He is sleeping.” Hoseok says calmly. “He almost died, Kihyun. He had brain surgery. He needs someone to look after him. And I promise I always would. As much as you hate him, you know very well that I still love him no matter how much he hurt me so I won’t just leave him when he needs me.”

“Like he did to you?” Hyungwon asks over the phone.

“This is why you get hurt.” Kihyun says. “You let people walk all over you. You put them first. You never care about your feelings!”

“Ki, is right.” Hyungwon says. 

“That’s not why we called. Can we just go back to Hyunwoo, please?” Hoseok tells them.

“He is the same, guys. We wake up, swim a bit. Shower, eat then go to sleep. He doesn’t want to do much else. I suggest other things but he says no. He hasn't cried yet.”

“Just keep doing what you are doing, Hyungwonnie.” Hoseok suggests. “Hyunwoo will get better eventually.”

“You know very well this kind of pain never goes away, hyung.” Kihyun says, now calmly.

“But it becomes bearable. Goes to the back of your mind and you live with it. Hyunwoo will get there. He is strong.”

“He is waking up.” Is all Hyungwon says before the facetime call ends with a couple of beeps.

“I am worried about him.” Hoseok tells Kihyun.

“You just said--”

“To help Wonnie feel better!” 

“He will be fine, hyung.”

I hear my stomach growl. I hadn’t eaten in almost a whole day. Fuck, I need food. So I gather all my bravery and walk down the stairs to the kitchen. The kitchen is the same as it used to be. Even the coffee machine is in the same spot. This house feels more like home than my own apartment ever felt.

“Good morning.” I murmur as I carefully walk into the kitchen like I am afraid any wrong step will make Kihyun stab me. And I am trying my hardest not to read his thoughts. I don’t want to. Not now.

“Did you sleep okay?” Hoseok asks as I grab a mug from the cabinet.

I turn around and give him a soft smile, leaning against the counter as I hold the empty mug. And I hear his dirty thoughts as he looks at my ass. Memories of him bending me over this same kitchen counter, this table right next to us. And I love how I can still make him think such dirty things. 

“I did.” I tell him, pouring coffee into my mug and sipping slowly .

Kihyun looks fucking amazing. His hair is perfectly coiffed, his makeup is flawless, his suit is cheap but looks fantastic, he looks better than he ever has. Aging did him good. 

“How dare you show up here?” Kihyun asks angrily, hands on his hips.

“Ki, just leave it.” Hoseok says softly from behind him, holding onto Kihyun’s arm.

I sigh. “I know I fucked up.” I say. “But leaving you guys, cutting ties, it was the worst mistake of my life. If I could take it all back--”

“But you can’t, can you?” Kihyun asks.

Kihyun doesn’t want an answer, he wants to torture me. He surprises me when he turns around and kisses Hoseok’s lips deeply, wet and noisy. And I have never been so angry. It hurts, seeing someone kiss my Seokie. He is mine. So I peak into Kihyun’s thoughts. He is in love with Hoseok but Hoseok doesn’t feel the same. And then I get even angrier with pictures of him fucking Hoseok and Hoseok fucking him and it drives me crazy. So I grab Kihyun by the arm and punch him right in the face. Shit, I don't remember feeling this much pain when punching someone. Fuck, my arm surgery. Shit, why did I have to do that? This is making things worse. Fuck. I fuck everything up.

“What the hell, Changkyun!” I know well that when Hoseok calls me Changkyun and not any of the nicknames he made up for me, it means he is very very mad. 

Thankfully there is not a lot of blood since the punch landed on his jaw but Hoseok grabs an ice pack quickly for Kihyun. Hoseok caresses Kihyun’s arm, his shoulder, his face, so carefully, like he used to do to me. He touches Kihyun like he touched me.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Kihyun asks. 

“I’m sorry.” I reply. “I can explain.”

“Then explain!” Hoseok says, raising his tone.

"It's… Co-Complicated?" 

"Complicated?" Hoseok asks. 

"Then why the fuck did you say you could explain?" Kihyun says, loudly. 

"Why would you punch Kihyun?" Hoseok asks. 

"He's an asshole. I told you not to let him in. Or back in our lives!"

"Should I have let him freeze him to death?" 

"If you had I wouldn't be getting random punches in the face!"

"I can't just ignore a friend in need!" 

"He isn't our friend! He fucked you up!" 

"He still needs me!" 

"Don't you love yourself at all?" 

"What does that even mean?" 

"He's toxic. We have a family, the six of us. We have kids, we have jobs. And he can fuck it all up. Our dynamic, our life, our—" 

"You—" 

"I can read minds!” I blurt out without meaning to then cover my own mouth.

“What the are you talking about?” Kihyun asks, furrowing his eyebrows and raising his upper lip.

"What?" Hoseok asks and I nod. “Oh my god, that is so cool!” Hoseok says, smiling then quickly hides his smile when he sees Kihyun's angry expression.

“What the fuck do you want, Changkyun?” Kihyun asks. “You come back here after four years, punch me in the face and now you’re telling me--”

“I know it’s super weird. It is to me too. And it is so not like in the movies. I feel all these crazy things. And I know you two have been fucking for over a year, I know you are in love with Hoseok hyung, I know you know he is still in love with me so you just take what you can get, I know Hoseok wants to take me back but he doesn’t because you are constantly telling him that he always humiliates himself and never thinks of his own feelings.” It feels like I said all that in one breath because I am breathing heavily when I finish.

Hoseok looks at Kihyun, frowning in confusion. “You are in love with me?”

Kihyun sighs. “Fine. You can read minds.”

“Shit, you really can?” Hoseok asks excitedly. “All the time?”

“I have been training for a few weeks so I can control it. Most times.” I explain.

“That’s so crazy.” Hoseok whispers. “We should go to the neighbour’s and ask if he stole dad’s lawnmower. I am pretty sure he did. He says he hasn't seen it, though.”

“So we can’t hide anything from you?” Kihyun asks.

“Well, you have to be close to me for me to read your thoughts. And I have morals, you know? I try not to peak into people’s heads too much. Respect and all that. But then you kissed him and I wanted to know why then all of what I just told you came from your minds and also disturbing images of you two fucking which was disturbing and mostly why I got so angry.”

Hoseok chuckles. “I knew that if anything weird like this were to happen, it would be with you.”

Kihyun fixes his suit and sighs, grabbing the ice bag from Hoseok’s hand and pressing it to his lips. “I am going to work. Minhyuk is bringing the kids for dinner tonight, okay?”

Hoseok nods and Kihyun gives him a soft kiss then leaves.

“Mind reader, huh?” Hoseok asks, smiling then sits down on the chair.

“Yes," I tell him as I grab the mug from the counter and sip the coffee with a smirk. "I do know how horny you have been for me since I got here. Don’t you worry, I feel the same.” I tell Hoseok and he chuckles. “You are twice the size now.” I sigh. “Your thighs…” I point to them then lick my lips. “Fuck…”

“Stop.” He tells me trying to avoid my glance. “We are not together.” 

“But I know what’s in your head.” I tell him, slowly walking towards him until I am standing very close to him, our bodies so close I can feel his breath on my lips. “You and me in that bed we fucked on so many times. Me riding you until my legs are mushy.”

I try to get closer but he softly pushes me away. “Dig deeper.” Hoseok whispers. “You will see that my lust for you is not as big as my anger and my sadness.” He grabs his bag and sighs deeply. “I am going to work. Just do whatever. You know the place better than your own house.”

“Yeah.” I say and laugh awkwardly.

“And Changkyun?” He calls me when he is on his way out of the kitchen door.

“Yeah?”

“If you are gonna be here, you need to respect me. So respect my privacy. I don’t want you peeking into my head. If I want you to know something, I will tell you. Don’t take that choice from me. Or anyone.”

I nod. “Okay. I’m sorry.” And he leaves. 


	4. Reconnect

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I don't know if anyone is reading but I should say that not every chapter will be from Changkyun's POV, some are from Wonho's POV ♥ All chapters are ready, I am just editing them. There will be about sixteen chapters. Sorry for the shitty writing and thank you for reading!

**KAKAO TALK GROUP CHAT “FAMILY”**

_**HYUNGWON** _

_HE PUNCHED YOU? Seriously?_

**_MINHYUK_ **

_He really said he is a telepath? That is absurd._

**_KIHYUN_ **

_I’m serious guys_

**_HYUNGWON_ **

_Yeah, I don’t doubt it. He has punched and slapped a few people. God, he punched Hoseok the first time they met._

**_MINHYUK_ **

_Changkyun is a total psycho. Is he gonna punch all of us after that? Hoseok hyung, you shouldn’t have let him into your place._

**_KIHYUN_ **

_I mean the telepath part, you idiots. He really is a telepath!_

_He knew things only I knew, I had never told anyone. Reading minds is the only explanation._

**_MINHYUK_ **

_What was it?_

**_KIHYUN_ **

_Well, if no one knows then I am not about to tell you, am I?_

**_HOSEOK_ **

_Guys, he is a telepath. For real._

**_MINHYUK_ **

_What kind of prank is this? We are going through a crisis, the devil incarnate has returned!_

**_HOSEOK_ **

_I’m serious! Why would I prank you now? My ex is back and as always, I can't tell him no because I don't know how to, he has a brain injury, an injured arm, injured ribs and no one to take care of him apparently, it’s a fucking mess because seeing him hurts me so much and to add to all this he is a fucking telepath!_

**_MINHYUK_ **

_That would have had more impact if you said it in person but I am sure you meant for it to be emotional_

**_JOOHEON_ **

_You said he had a brain injury, right? He is probably saying nonsense because of that._

**_KIHYUN_ **

_He is a telepath._

**_HOSEOK_ **

_He really is_

_I swear on my niece and my nephew_

**_MINHYUK_ **

_Don't swear things on my daughter_

_Quit it with the telepath thing, this prank is so unfunny_

**_KIHYUN_ **

_Look, you guys don’t have to believe us, okay? You have to help us kick him out!_

**_HOSEOK_ **

_Kick him out, are you insane?_

**_KIHYUN_ **

_He is a fucking mind reader. Do you want history to repeat itself? Do you want him to fuck us up all over again?_

**_HOSEOK_ **

_The telepathy thing is another reason he should stay. He could go crazy because of this, I have to take care of him._

**_KIHYUN_ **

_You don’t have to do shit_

**_MINHYUK_ **

_Hyung, don’t expect me to show up at your place if he is there_

**KAKAO TALK CHAT MESSAGES TO “KKUNG ♥” FROM “SEOK”**

**_HOSEOK_ **

_You okay?_

**_CHANGKYUN_ **

_Hi_

_You are texting me?_

_Are you mad?_

_How did you get my number_

**_HOSEOK_ **

_I know your password_

_Still the day we moved in together_

_Cheesy_

**_CHANGKYUN_ **

_I bet it’s yours too_

_Are you mad?_

_I didn’t mean to punch him_

_I mean I did but it wasn’t planned I got angry_

_I got so angry. I am so used to you being mine._

**_HOSEOK_ **

_You lost that right after you left_

_But I think Kihyun is more worried about the Telepathy thing than the punching_

**_CHANGKYUN_ **

_Well, it’s freaky, isn’t it?_

**_HOSEOK_ **

_Yeah_

_How did it happen_

**_CHANGKYUN_ **

_I am not sure, hyung_

_I have these memories in my head but_

_Everything is confusing_

**_HOSEOK_ **

_Be careful with this_

_Don’t go out, okay?_

_This could hurt you. This mind reading thing could fuck up your head and your injuries are severe. Please, stay home, I don’t want you to get hurt_

**_CHANGKYUN_ **

_Hm, you don’t?_

_Thought you hated me…_

**_HOSEOK_ **

_Why would you say that?_

_You’ve read my mind, haven't you?_

**_CHANGKYUN_ **

_I remember_

_I wanted you to say you don't hate me_

_There were nice things in your head_

_Nice memories_

_Your mind is so beautiful_

**_HOSEOK_ **

_Is that the new kind of compliment you give?_

_Your mind is beautiful?_

**_CHANGKYUN_ **

_It’s true, though_

_Sadly I didn’t get in deep enough_

**_HOSEOK_ **

_And you won’t_

**_CHANGKYUN_ **

:(

**_HOSEOK_ **

_Hey, I was going to stop by the pharmacy before work but I left in a hurry after everything and forgot to get the prescription for your medicine,_

_I don’t have a free second today but I will send someone to get it and buy the medicine_

**_CHANGKYUN_ **

_Hyung, it’s okay_

_I can go get it_

**_HOSEOK_ **

_I don’t want you to_

_Didn't I just tell you to say home? to be careful?_

_The doctor said bed rest until he checks you up_

**_CHANGKYUN_ **

_And you know that how…_

**_HOSEOK_ **

_It doesn’t matter_

_If you want to eat order something_

_Stay in bed_

**_CHANGKYUN_ **

_Hm, I love it when you get bossy_

**_HOSEOK_ **

_Stop that_

**_CHANGKYUN_ **

_Hyung, don’t feel bad for loving me._

**_HOSEOK_ **

_Can you not mention the things you have seen in my head_

**_CHANGKYUN_ **

_Sorry_

**_HOSEOK_ **

_Be careful with your arm_

_You hit Kihyun really hard_

_You might have injured it more_

_Maybe we should call the doctor_

**_CHANGKYUN_ **

_It’s fine._

_It doesn’t hurt that much_

**_HOSEOK_ **

_It does. Don’t pretend._

**_CHANGKYUN_ **

_It just hurts a little_

**_HOSEOK_ **

_Call someone to deliver pain pills while we wait_

_I just realized_

_Stop using your phone, typing might hurt your arm_

**_CHANGKYUN_ **

_Siri is doing the work, don’t worry_

_I will call someone to deliver the pills_

_Why can’t I call someone to deliver the prescribed pills too_

**_HOSEOK_ **

_are you going to give a prescription to the delivery man?_

_We give it to the pharmacist at the pharmacy, it’s a lot of strong medicine, people would deal the drugs and have overdoses if you could just buy them like that_

_**CHANGKYUN** _

_Hyung you are so smart_

_I had missed you_

**_HOSEOK_ **

_Well, you left_

_And only came back after you almost died_

_so it's on you_

_**CHANGKYUN** _

_I know it is_

_I shouldnt have left at all_

_Just being in this room where we were together so many times makes me realise the things I have missed_

**_HOSEOK_ **

_I gotta go back to work_

_As I said, not a lot of time_

**_CHANGKYUN_ **

_I will see you tonight then?_

**_HOSEOK_ **

_Unless you leave_

_Again_

** KAKAO TALK CHAT/MESSAGES TO “HONEY BEE ♥” FROM “HO HYUNGIE” **

**_HOSEOK_ **

_Hey_

_I need a favor_

**_JOOHEON_ **

_Hyung, hey_

_I am picking Namkyu up today don't worry_

_I said that in the group chat_

_did you stop reading it after the Changkyun thing?_

**_HOSEOK_ **

_No, I read that_

_It’s not that_

_You have a free day, right?_

**_JOOHEON_ **

_Yeah_

_No classes this afternoon as usual…_

**_HOSEOK_ **

_I am asking you this because I trust you_

_And because you are the only one who is free_

**_JOOHEON_ **

_Lol_

_What is it_

**_HOSEOK_ **

_Can you got to my place and pick up Changkyunie’s prescription for his medicine?_

_And buy them_

_I was going this morning but there was no time_

**_JOOHEON_ **

_Hyung, no_

_No_

_Why doesn’t he buy the medicine himself?_

**_HOSEOK_ **

_Honey bee... he is injured..._

**_JOOHEON_ **

_Well, I don’t care_

**_HOSEOK_ **

_Of course you do_

_He needs these pills, he is in pain_

**_JOOHEON_ **

_Hyung, no_

**_HOSEOK_ **

_Fine…_

_It’s not like I have Olivia over at least twice a week so you and hyukie can have sex…_

_I mean, I might get busy, you know? Who knows…_

**_JOOHEON_ **

_Hyung_

**_HOSEOK_ **

_You don’t even have to see him, okay?_

_I will ask him to leave the gate open_

_Okay?_

**_JOOHEON_ **

_Fine_

**_HOSEOK_ **

_Really?_

**_JOOHEON_ **

_Yes, ugh yes_

**_HOSEOK_ **

_Thank you!_

_Please, get the prescription, buy the medicine and leave it by the door_

_So you won’t have to see him_

**_JOOHEON_ **

_Fine, okay_

_The things I do for my hyungs…_

_And you better have my daughter over at least twice a week_

_She loves it there_

**_HOSEOK_ **

_Of course_

_I love spending time with her_

**_JOOHEON_ **

_Good_

_She loves you too I guess…_

**_HOSEOK_ **

_And my honey bee?_

**_JOOHEON_ **

_Yes, yes, I love you_

**_HOSEOK_ **

_Good_

_I love you too_

_Thank you_

_Thank you so much_

**KAKAO TALK CHAT/MESSAGES TO “KKUNG ♥” FROM “SEOK”**

**_HOSEOK_ **

_Hey_

**_CHANGKYUN_ **

_Hey_

_Thought you were super extra busy_

**_HOSEOK_ **

_I am_

_But I am pretending I have diarrhea_

_I am in that tiny bathroom in my office_

**_CHANGKYUN_ **

_Pretending to have diarrhea is a good idea_

_You used to do that a lot when we were together, remember?_

**_HOSEOK_ **

_Yeah, to chat online but for other purposes_

**_CHANGKYUN_ **

_Great purposes ;)_

_How can I help you hyung?_

**_HOSEOK_ **

_Can you please leave the front gate open? I found someone to get the prescription_

**_CHANGKYUN_ **

_Just leave it open?_

**_HOSEOK_ **

_Yeah, the door too_

_You can also the prescription on the table by the door_

_So they don’t have to go up, it’s faster_

**_CHANGKYUN_ **

_Okay_

_Sure_

_Who is coming to get it_

_Is it one of the guys?_

_Don't they all hate me and want me dead?_

**_HOSEOK_ **

_Doesn’t matter_

_They are buying it and bringing it back for you_

_Your nurse said you can take the night pill if they get it to you after three and the morning pills if they get it to you before then_

_But if you take the morning pill, take the night pills as late as you can_

_Eat something before you take them so you don’t hurt my stomach_

**_CHANGKYUN_ **

_Okay_

_Thank you hyung_

_For taking care of me_

**_HOSEOK_ **

_Dont I always_

**_CHANGKYUN_ **

_Yes and I am thankful_

_That you still are_

**_HOSEOK_ **

_I will go now_

**_CHANGKYUN_ **

_Wait_

_Did you know I was just touching myself_

**_HOSEOK_ **

_Stop it_

**_CHANGKYUN_ **

_Was thinking of the last time we were here_

_Your brother’s pre wedding party_

_Remember that?_

**_HOSEOK_ **

_No_

**_CHANGKYUN_ **

_Of course you do_

_Look at the mess I made_

_[Picture Attatchment]_

**_HOSEOK_ **

_Why would you send me that?_

_We are not together anymore_

_I don’t want pictures of your dick. Did I ask for it?_

_Are you trying to make things worse?_

**_CHANGKYUN_ **

_No_

_I’m sorry_

_I really am_

_In your head, I saw_

_How excited you got when I sent you this pictures and you touched yourself in the office bathroom_

_I thought that was why you told me you were in there_

**_HOSEOK_ **

_Like I said_

_We aren’t together anymore_

**KAKAO TALK GROUP CHAT “FAMILY”**

**_MINHYUK_ **

_Why would you ask my Jooheonie to go to your place when that asshole is there?_

**_HOSEOK_ **

_He was the only one who is free today_

_And I trust him not to murder Changkyunie if he gets the chance_

**_MINHYUK_ **

_And the only one who loves Changkyun as much as you_

_You are trying to manipulate him_

**_HOSEOK_ **

_No one loves Changkyun as much as I do_

_And I am not trying to manipulate him_

_He was literally the only one who was free_

_And he won’t even have to see Changkyunie, the prescription will be by the door and the gate will be open_

_Changkyun is in pain, he needs his medicine_

_He hurt his arm this morning, the arm he had surgery on_

**_MINHYUK_ **

_Yeah because he punched Kihyun_

_It’s his fault_

**_HOSEOK_ **

_He got emotional_

_And overwhelmed_

_This telepathy thing can’t be easy_

**_MINHYUK_ **

_Can you quit it with the telepathy thing?_

**_HOSEOK_ **

_Hyukie, we aren’t lying about this_

_It isn’t a prank_

**_HYUNGWON_ **

_I actually had time to think about it in the hot tub_

**_MINHYUK_ **

_Such a trophy husband_

**_HYUNGWON_ **

_Don’t joke like that_

_How insensitive can you be_

**_MINHYUK_ **

_Sorry_

**_HYUNGWON_ **

_As I was saying_

_I thought about it and I believe you_

_Hoseok hyung isn’t the prank kind of guy_

_And I don’t see why this kind of thing can’t be true?_

**_MINHYUK_ **

_There is no logical explanation for this_

**_HYUNGWON_ **

_And is there a logical explanation for the universe? For infinity? There is no explanation for many things but we believe in whatever is easier to make us understand_

**_KIHYUN_ **

_That was deep, man. You writing poetry again?_

**_MINHYUK_ **

_You are all losing it_

**_HOSEOK_ **

_You will believe it soon_

**_MINHYUK_ **

_When I see it_

**_HOSEOK_ **

_How will you see it if you don't wanna see him_

**_MINHYUK_ **

_Well_

**_HOSEOK_ **

_Yeah_

**_MINHYUK_ **

_Wait, you are saying he is a telepath as a way to trick us into seeing him_

**_HOSEOK_ **

_Ah, nevermind_

_Believe what you want_

**_KIHYUN_ **

_You think I want you to see him_

_Fuck no, stay away from him_

_Just believe my word_

_When have I lied to you?_

**_MINHYUK_ **

_Many times_

**_KIHYUN_ **

_Whatever_

_I am not lying now_

**_JOOHEON_ **

_Don’t worry, guys, I won’t even see him, I thin Minhyukie is right, we should stay away from him_

**_MINHYUK_ **

_Exactly_

**_JOOHEON_ **

_Hoseok hyung I am on my way now ok?_

**_HOSEOK_ **

_Thank you, my honey bee_

**_MINHYUK_ **

_Just honey bee is fine, no need to add 'mine'_

I haven’t been alone in a comfortable place like Hoseok's in a long time. This place feels like home, there are so many memories here. It feels really good to be back here, it is so comforting. It also feels good not having to worry about invading people’s minds without meaning to, not having anyone around. It’s relaxing. 

I spend most of the day doing what people who have several injuries and spent over ninety days in the hospital do: nothing. Well, not nothing precisely, I cry a lot in bed, holding a big pillow close to me, another between my legs and wiping my tears on the duvet covering me. Cry because of what I lost, because of what I gave up, because I feel alone in the world, because the people that once were my world don’t love me anymore. And I can only blame myself.

I also spend a lot of time on my phone, talking to my friends and playing games. I order food, a lot of it because I am starving and haven't had a good meal in forever. I sleep a lot too and I jerk off about three times (with my injured hand which is my right hand and I am a leftie so it makes it hard for me to make myself feel as good as I do with my dominant hand but at least I get off), jerking off distracts me from the pain I feel, the constant pain on my arm, ribs and throbbing headache.

I feel bad about sending Hoseok a picture of my dick. When he told me it made him uncomfortable I felt like such an idiot. I really thought he wanted me to and honestly, I thought that the picture would turn him on and help him forgive faster. I know he is super horny for me, but I think his feelings are too messy for him to let himself get horny, maybe I should have thought of that. That not even he knows what would take for him to forgive me. I know that he wants to but is still too hurt to do so. But I know how bad he wants me.

I sneak into Hoseok’s room as well. The place is almost the same as it was the last time we were here but now there is a massive bed. I find on the walls of his room, several pictures of us, pictures that bring back beautiful memories. Pictures of the day we got crazy drunk together at his place and decided to be friends, the many days we spent together in his house, that day we first had sex and his mom took a picture of us at dinner, of the day we started dating and went to the park together and lied down on the grass, pictures at weddings and birthdays, of the two of us at home in old clothes and messy hair, so many special moments. If it were someone else, they would have ripped the pictures to pieces after they got hurt by their lover but Hoseok is not like that, when Hoseok loves someone he loves them forever, even if they hurt him. 

I take one of the pictures for myself, the one we took when we became friends, the one of the day we all started. I keep it on the back of my phone, hidden behind a clear case and just look at him like an idiot for a while, lying in bed then play games on my phone for a while.

When it’s over two in the afternoon, I order lunch then after eating, I go upstairs to sleep more. I wake up a couple of hours later with the notification sounds coming from my phone. Hoseok is texting me telling me Jooheon is coming over. I think Hoseok forgot he didn’t tell me who the person coming was. I wish he hadn’t told me now, though. Knowing Jooheon is coming makes me nervous, actually it makes me freak out a little.

I remember the last time I saw Jooheon, we were in his living room finishing a song together. We had so much fun that day. The song we were writing was the song that made me famous. I never gave him credit for the lyrics, he wrote most of it, which probably makes him hate me even more. After Hoseok, Jooheon was, well he is, the person I love the most in the world. He was my best friend since we were fifteen. He was the one who introduced me to everyone else. I bet he wishes he hadn’t.

I go downstairs and heat up the leftovers from lunch then go back upstairs to eat in bed. I fall asleep again after eating, without meaning to. I sleep a lot because of the pain.

I am awakened by the insistent sound of the doorbell. I curse at myself for forgetting to leave the door and gate open for Jooheon as I run down the stairs to open the door. I open the gate with the remote then get to the door and hesitate for a second with my hand on the doorknob, focusing on my own mind so I don’t invade his own when I feel him close. It’s hard to stay away from his mind, it's strong, like Hoseok's, like the nurse at the hospital, the mind of someone who has been through a lot.

When I open the door, I am speechless when I see him. Jooheon looks like a completely different person. He actually looks really fucking hot. His hair is blonde, his posture is straight now, he looks bigger, his lips and cheeks pink, he looks beautiful. Oh, how I had missed my friend.

“What are you staring at?” Jooheon asks and pushes me out of the way, walking inside the house like it's his own and I am an invader. I kind of am.

I close the door once he is inside then walk after him, to the kitchen. I don’t know what to say, suddenly I am at a loss of words. I stand there, leaning against the counter and watch him make some coffee. I am nervous. It’s odd how the person who you have always felt so comfortable with for so long makes you feel so nervous.

“Where is the prescription?” He asks, standing in front of the coffee machine his lower back pressed against the counter and hands on it, not bothering to look at me.

The silence bothers me, looking at him looking at me like I am a stranger drives me insane. Wondering if he truly hates me like it looks like he does hurts me. The tense mood between us makes me want to cry because it’s something I have never felt before with him. So I don’t hold back, I don’t focus on my thoughts, only on him. Memories, thoughts, feelings take over my mind, take over me. The memory of our first kiss is the strongest memory that comes to mind, the first one I see. I feel anger, sadness, love, intense love, I feel regret and guilt. It is all as strong and as confusing as what I felt from Hoseok. His feelings at the moment are a lot like I felt from Hoseok, even the love. But the different thing is that the love I feel coming from him is not the kind of love I feel form him. It's different. His love is as intense as Hoseok's but Hoseok's felt familiar since he always showed how much he loved me. With Jooheon, the love is strong but foreign.The memory I see of us kissing and laughing feels much different from what it felt for me, a different kind of love.

“You were in love with me,” I whisper, looking at him with my head tilted and narrowed eyes.

Jooheon’s head snaps up and he looks at me then freezes like that as I stare at him, my mouth hanging open in surprise. He stays still for a moment, the shock I feel from finding out how he felt about me making it hard to keep reading his mind. Jooheon takes a deep breath then looks down at his feet, shoving his hands in his pockets.

“So you really can read minds?” He asks, voice low and deep, barely any emotion in his tone, not playful and happy as I remember.

“Jooheonie--”

“Hoseok hyung said you wouldn’t do this mind-reading thing to us.”

“I’m sorry.” I say immediately. I feel so bad, so guilty, so wrong for making him-- for making them, feel sad, for hurting them. I try to say something, to apologize again but I can barely speak without my voice trembling.

“This is fucking weird.” Jooheon whispers, more to himself than to me.

“You didn’t tell me. T-that you were in love with me.” I say, trying to speak more firmly but probably failing.

“Changyunie…” He sighs. “That was twelve years ago.”

“It wasn’t just then, though.” I say, approaching him. “I can see everything. You started dating Minhyuk to get over me. He knew.”

“Shit.” He begins to pace around the living room, frowning sadly. “You really can read minds.”

“I didn’t mean… I mean, you were looking at me like you hated me and I wanted to know if--”

“You can’t just.” He scoffs. “This is so fucking freaky.”

Jooheon tries to get out of the room but I grab him by the arm, hard. When I touch him, memories come rushing through my mind, memories that belong to me, not to him, memories that have no reason to resurface. Jooheon stares at me wide-eyed. It feels like time freezes as we stare at each other, it’s like we are sharing memories, I feel something like electricity run through my body then he pulls his hand away.

“What the fuck…” He whispers, looking at me wide eyed, his expression shows shock.

I look at him, narrowing my eyes like I am trying to figure out an equation. Did he read my mind? By the way he is looking at me I assume he did. “Did you…”

“How... “ He seems to be out of words. He is quiet for a moment, looking down at the floor then he raises his head and looks at me like a lost puppy. “You can do that? You can share this thing?”

I frown and take his hand again but nothing happens this time. “I didn’t-- I don’t know, Heroine, I... how did I even do that?” I narrow my eyes. “Can you… Can you read minds too?”

He scoffs then doesn’t say anything and there is a long moment of silence but it doesn’t feel awkward like before.

“You were in so much pain…” Jooheon whispers then leans closer to press his palm to my cheek, looking at me the way he used to, in a way that shows clearly how much he cares. “The accident… The hospital…” He huffs. “That asshole...” He whispers and looks down at my arm. “You still are in so much pain, Changkyunie, I...”

I sigh. “Shit, this is so uncomfortable,” I tell him. Knowing that he has been in my head is scary, it makes me feel uncomfortable and vulnerable. Maybe that is how Hoseok and Kihyun felt. 

“Shit, did you have to share your own brain surgery?” Jooheon groans. “That is fucking disgusting and fucking traumatizing!”

“I had no idea what I was sharing!” I say, loudly. “You think I would share that? I know how squeamish you are!” I sigh. “And that is not even my memory… Fuck, I can share other people’s memories too?”

“Dude, that is like some professor X shit…” He says, mouth hanging open. “This is…”

“Crazy, yeah… You will get used to it.”

“You say that like you won’t leave after you get better.”

“I won’t.”

“Right.”

We are in silence for a moment, trying to grasp what just happened. Jooheon leaves the kitchen and goes to the living room to sit down on the couch. He seems shocked, puzzled, confused and I can read how freaked out he is by all this but also read how cool he thinks it is at the same time.

“I know it’s freaky,” I say, sitting by his side. “But I promise I won’t do anything bad with this power?” I tilt my head. “Gift? Hability?” I sigh. “Heonie, I won’t read your mind anymore. I have better control little by little, okay?” He nods but seems to be trying to avoid my eyes. “Most times I don’t have even to try not to read people’s minds, I can try better to do it if I want to, but I am working on that still and I--”

“Why did you leave like that?” Jooheon asks, interrupting me. “Share that memory with me. I wanna know. I wanna see.” 

I take his hand and shut my eyes, trying to focus and recreate what happened when I shared my memories before but I can’t. All I see is how eager he is to know what happened, to find answers to his questions, find a way to stop feeling like he wasn’t enough for me. I see a lot of sadness and frustration.

“I can’t,” I whisper. “I-I don’t know how.” 

“Try harder.” He says, kind of rudely.

“Heonie, I did, I… I-I can’t...” I squeeze his hand and he raises his head to look at me. “Look, I-I made a mistake, it was my choice, my fault. I regret it more than anything.” He doesn’t seem to buy it, he looks so sad it breaks my heart. “I was completely brainwashed by my manager, he was so manipulative.” I feel tears threatening to drop but I keep my eyes wide open so they don’t. “I know I fucked up, I know. I-I thought having fame was more important than my family, my lover, my everything.” I can’t keep my eyes open for long and when I blink, the tears escape my eyes. “That man, my manager… h-he changed me.” I sniff and squeeze his hand, looking at it. “I believed everything he told me. That Hoseok would get in my way, that you guys would never get the celebrity life, that he was the only one who could turn me into who I wanted to be.” Jooheon squeezes my hand back and I raise my head to look at him, surprised by the gesture. He leans closer and softly wipes my tears with his thumb, giving me a soft smile of reassurance. “I realized later that he… he wanted to own me. Really own me, like my body and my life, everything. It was like I was in an abusive relationship even though we weren’t really together. So I fired him and left the company and became my own manager at first until I could get in another company and things worked out.”

Jooheon sighs and nods. “Why didn’t you at least talk to me?” When he looks away I see tears fill his eyes and he looks up, trying not to let them fall, which makes me cry even more. “I-I thought I meant something to you.” He sniffs. “You said I did.”

“Jooheon, you meant-- you mean everything to me. I was a fucking idiot. I should have known better.” I tell him, caressing the back of his hand with my thumb.

He looks into my eyes and sighs. “I am not ready to forgive you.” He tells me as I wipe his tears away with my thumb.

I nod. “That’s okay.” I whisper.

“You know we will. You can read our minds for fuck’s sake.” He lets out a soft laugh and smiles for the first time since he walked in the house. His smile makes me cry tears of joy. “It was awful.” He tells me, frowning. “When you left, it hurt so fucking much. You didn’t answer our calls, our texts, our tweets, you were gone. And we were so worried, Changkyunie. So worried.”

I nod and the tears keep coming, both of us crying like babies. “I know, I know.” I whisper and sniff. “And I am really sorry.”

“I know.” He tells me. “I felt it.”

I give him a soft smile. “Can I hug you, please?” I ask. “I am going through all this shit, I feel like crying all the time, everything is falling apart and I still haven’t gotten a hug.”

He nods, smiles and pulls me into a tight hug. I rest my head on his shoulder, nuzzling his neck as I enjoy the feeling of his hands caressing my back and his warm body around me.

“Don’t do it again.” He whispers and I nod.

“I won’t.” I whisper. “I wont’ ever” 

I know he is happy I am here even though he is angry, I know he has missed holding me as much as I have missed his embrace. 

I start crying harder, louder and he holds me tight, comforting me and leaving soft kisses on the top of my head, even though he is crying too. I feel like I can finally breathe, crying in his arms, being comforted and held tight by my oldest and dearest friend.

“I’m here.” Jooheon whispers, patting my back. “Jooheonie is here.”

Feeling his sadness and mine at the same is torture. His sadness because of what he saw when he read my mind, because he felt what I felt, his sadness from losing what we had, from knowing it will never be like before. In my mind I feel all the sadness too but we both feel happy we are together again.

Suddenly, I feel electricity come back, I can feel everything he feels and he can feel everything I feel, it’s like our feelings are one and it’s like that connection makes all of our feelings bearable, like when we share them with each other all the pain doesn’t hurt as much, like it’s barely there, it’s comforting. I don’t know how I am doing it, how I am sharing my mind with him but I am and it feels amazing.

I feel like we spend hours lying there in that same state, sharing our consciousnesses with each other. I know it has been hours because Hoseok is walking through the door and that breaks the connection of our minds. And when the connection is broken I feel so much better than before, the pain, the sadness, the confusion, it’s all still there but now it feels more bearable, now I don’t wanna cry as much. And I feel like it’s the same for Jooheon because he is smiling, his mind is clearer, less confused. 

“Thought I’d get home and find you two punching each other.” Hoseok says, approaching us with a big smile. “I am glad it’s the opposite.”

“Changkyunie can do way more than read minds, hyung.” Jooheon tells Hoseok, standing up from the couch. “It’s… amazing.”

“Yeah.” I tell them and lie down on the couch, breathing heavily. “But now I feel like I have ran a marathon across Asia.”

Jooheon gasps and kneels by my side. He wipes my nose, probably snot and I frown. “Your nose is bleeding. This is probably too much for you. You shouldn’t do it too much.”

“Shut up, I have had brain surgery, it’s probably--”

“Jooheonie, what did he do?” Hoseok asks, then looks from Jooheonie to me. “What did you do?”

“I don’t know what it is.” I tell him. “But I shared my thoughts with Jooheon. And memories, and feelings. Like I feel when I read people. And it was amazing, hyung. It was like we could share everything in our minds and suddenly nothing hurt as much.”

“That sounds amazing.” Hoseok says. “How do you do it?”

I shrug. “I don’t know.” I tell him and let out a soft laugh.

Hoseok smiles but doesn’t say anything.

“You shouldn’t use your powers so much. It could hurt you.” Jooheon says. “Oh my god, you are just like Eleven!”

“Or Jean.” Hoseok shrugs and I laugh.

“Eleven isn’t a telepath. She is telekinetic. So is Jean.”

“Jean can read minds.” Hoseok says.

“Jean can read thoughts, reading minds includes much more.” 

Suddenly things feel so normal. So easy. I feel happiness, genuine happiness like I haven’t felt since I left. After we spend a while discussing which fictional character I am like, Hoseok asks about the medicine.

“Shit, we forgot about that,” Jooheon says.

"Changkyunie, you must be in a lot of pain." Hoseok says.

"Now right now. Jooheonie helped, the connection thing made me forget it." I tell him.

"You still need the medication, Changkyunie." The oldest replies.

“I’ll go get the prescription, then” I tell them but Hoseok stops me from standing up when I try to.

“You just did this crazy telekinetic thingy and now you--”

“Telepathic! Not telekinetic!” I protest and Jooheon snickers.

“Just rest.” Hoseok tells me calmly. “You had surgery, you are injured and now this thing you have makes you tired too. It is a lot. You should rest.” 

“I rested a lot today, hyung.”

Hoseok squeezes his eyes, smiling. “Rest more.

I groan. “Can’t I even go up to my room?” I ask, frowning. 

“Sure.” Hoseok says but when I am about to stand up, he stands in front of me and grabs me in his arms.

It feels amazing, being in his arms again, the last time he did this we were spinning around in our living room, laughing about silly things and sharing kisses. Now I am back in his arms knowing I should never have left in the first place. 


	5. We Aren't Like That Anymore

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hello this is kyunie meeting minhyuk for the first time since he let and telling hoseok what happened before he left

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading and for the one person who left a comment and the ones who left kudos, that makes me so happy!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
> sorry if this sucks lol  
> trigger warning: mentions of past sexual and emotional abuse but no detailed description

**KAKAO TALK GROUP CHAT “FAMILY”**

**_HYUNGWON_ **

_ Minhyuk-ah, weren’t you getting the kids? Where are you? _

**_MINHYUK_ **

_ What? Jooheonie was gonna get them _

**_HYUNGWON_ **

_ Mina just called _

_ No one showed up to pick them up _

_ They have been waiting for over an hour _

_ What is going on? _

**_MINHYUK_ **

_ I don’t know _

_ I just noticed the missed call from Mina _

_ I was teaching _

_ My students are so loud today _

_ Shit, Ollie must be freaking out _

**_HYUNGWON_ **

_ Where is Jooheonie? He is never late to pick up the kids _

**_KIHYUN_ **

_ Hey _

_ I can leave work early and get them _

**_HYUNGWON_ **

_ What? Minhyuk is a building away from them _

**_KIHYUN_ **

_ He is teaching, he shouldn’t leave his students _

_ I’ll pick Oli and Kyunie up _

_ I mean, if Jooheon isn’t there by now he probably won’t show up _

_ I’ll just let my boss know _

**_MINHYUK_ **

_ What if something happened to Jooheonie? _

_ He might have fainted _

_ What if the cancer is back _

_ He won’t answer my calls _

**_HOSEOK_ **

_ Chill, Hyuk _

_ I’m with Jooheonie _

_ We just got the kids five minutes ago _

**_MINHYUK_ **

_ What happened? _

_ Is he okay? Are the kids okay? _

**_HOSEOK_ **

_ Everyone is fine _

_ We are at the pharmacy _

_ Getting Changkyun’s pills _

_ Jooheonie just took Olivia to the restroom _

**_MINHYUK_ **

_ You were an hour late _

_ Why were you an hour late? _

_ Oli must be so upset _

_ Tell her I love her _

_ Which pharmacy are you?  _

_ I am coming to meet you _

**_HOSEOK_ **

_ You don’t have to come meet anyone, we are fine _

_ Olivia is fine, she is in the restroom as I said, I will tell her you love her when she comes out _

_ You have to finish teaching your class _

_ Get off your phone _

_ And didn’t you have projects to grade after? _

**_MINHYUK_ **

_ I just said that to sneak off and have sex with Jooheonie before dinner  _

**_HOSEOK_ **

_ Well he's with me now so just have sex with yourself  _

_ And Olivia says she loves you too _

**_MINHYUK_ **

_ Why did you guys take so long to pick them up? _

_ What is going on? _

**_HOSEOK_ **

_ Well _

**_KIHYUN_ **

_ What? _

**_HOSEOK_ **

_ Changkyunie forgot to leave the door opened for Jooheon earlier today _

_ When Jooheonie stopped by to get Changkyunie’s prescription, Changkyunie answered the door  _

_ And they talked and talked and well _

_ They kind of had some time for themselves _

_ And they lost track of time _

**_KIHYUN_ **

_ WHAT _

**_MINHYUK_ **

_ What do you mean time for themselves _

_ You make it sound like they hooked up _

_ You said they weren’t going to see each other _

**_HOSEOK_ **

_ Well, I wasn’t there to stop them, was I? _

_ And they are grown adults, it’s their business _

_ You guys are making such a big deal out of this _

**_MINHYUK_ **

_ WE ARE NOT _

_ Don’t make me remind you of how hurt we all were when he left _

**_HOSEOK_ **

_ That was over four, almost five years ago _

**_MINHYUK_ **

_ And now he is back it feels like it was yesterday _

**_HOSEOK_ **

_ I know _

_ Because I was the one who was so hurt it felt like my soul was ripped apart _

_ But don’t act like part of you wasn’t happy when he left _

_ Because you didn’t have to get jealous over him and Jooheon anymore _

**_MINHYUK_ **

_ This isn’t about that _

_ Jooheon has a soft spot for him  _

_ He always let Changkyun play him _

_ I don’t want him to get hurt _

**_HOSEOK_ **

_ Changkyun never played anyone _

_ Your husband is a grown adult, Minhyuk, not your child _

_ We are all adults so let’s stop talking about Changkyun like he is the villain of a children's movie _

**_KIHYUN_ **

_ You are just like Jooheon when it comes to Changkyun _

**_HOSEOK_ **

_ You don’t understand _

_ Because you have never loved anyone like we love him _

**_KIHYUN_ **

_ I love someone like you love him _

_ But I would never let him step all over me like Changkyun does to you _

**_HOSEOK_ **

_ How are you so sure? _

**_KIHYUN_ **

_ Because I am not like you and he isn’t like Changkyun _

**_HYUNGWON_ **

_ I told Hyunwoo about Changkyun being back and everything _

_ He said that after everything what happened these past few years _

_ We don’t need any more drama _

_ If Changkyun wants to stay, let him _

_ We know he will leave just like before _

_ Hyung says we should just help him if he needs it _

_ And wait until he leaves _

**_MINHYUK_ **

_ And if he doesn't?  _

_ Should we just let him back in our family like nothing ever happened? _

**_HYUNGWON_ **

_ I don’t know _

_ But we have more pressing matters, don’t you think? _

_ Like the kids and Hyunwoo _

_ He hasn’t left our bed today. _

**_HOSEOK_ **

_ You are absolutely right, Wonnie _

**_MINHYUK_ **

_ He isn’t _

_ I saw upclose how much Changkyun hurt my husband _

_ I am not helping him with anything and I want him far away from my family _

**_HOSEOK_ **

_ You can’t make decisions for your family on your own _

_ You have a husband, remember? _

_ But anyway _

_ Jooheonie and I are getting groceries while we wait for the medicine _

_ See you guys at my place later _

**_KIHYUN_ **

_ I am not going _

**_HOSEOK_ **

_ What? You can’t skip family dinner _

_ You made that rule _

**_KIHYUN_ **

_ I won’t see him again _

_ I don't want him in my head _

**_MINHYUK_ **

_ I won't see him either  _

**_JOOHEON_ **

_ Yes you are _

_ Stop being so hard on him _

_ We went through shit but so did he _

**_MINHYUK_ **

_ I am not going _

**_JOOHEON_ **

_ Yes you are _

**_MINHYUK_ **

_ You told me this morning you wanted nothing to do with him _

_ And now you guys are ‘having some time for yourselves?’ _

_ What the fuck is this? _

**_JOOHEON_ **

_ Look, baby, it’s not like that, he just needed me _

_ He needed someone to talk, he has no one _

**_MINHYUK_ **

_ And his stupid celebrity friends?  _

**_JOOHEON_ **

_ They aren’t around anymore _

**_MINHYUK_ **

_ Tell him to buy new friends then _

**_JOOHEON_ **

_ Hyung, he doesn’t need new friends, he has us _

_ I am not saying I forgive him _

_ But today, he shared things with me, from his mind _

_ And he really needs us, I saw it, literally, like in his head _

_ It was crazy _

**_KIHYUN_ **

_ What do you mean in his head? _

**_JOOHEON_ **

_ I mean, he made me read his mind _

_ He can like connect minds _

_ I saw so many things, everything that was at the surface of his mind _

_ And all the things I saw make me want to forgive him _

**_MINHYUK_ **

_ Just like that? _

_ He is manipulating you _

**_JOOHEON_ **

_ He isn’t _

_ I just told you I read his mind _

_ When I was in his head, he hated it because he was vulnerable _

_ If there were bad intentions I would have seen it _

_ Guys, he has no bad intentions being here, he just wants to be with us _

_ He wants to be taken care of _

_ He missed us _

**_KIHYUN_ **

_ I am not buying it _

**_JOOHEON_ **

_ It’s the truth _

**_MINHYUK_ **

_ Well _ **_,_ **

_ If he can share the stuff that is in his head he has to do it with me _

_ I wanna see it _

_ I wanna see why he left _

_ Or how he could do what he did _

**_JOOHEON_ **

_ You believe it now? _

**_MINHYUK_ ** __

_ I believe YOU _

**_KIHYUN_ **

_ Stop that, Minhyuk _

_ We aren’t messing with this mind reading thing _

_ And why do you care why he did what he did _

_ We are already hurt so what is the point _

**_MINHYUK_ **

_ I don’t know _

_ You are right _

_ Fuck him _

**_JOOHEON_ **

_ Hyungs, just come to dinner okay? _

_ As usual _

_ If you don’t wanna forgive him don’t _

_ I haven’t either _

_ But tolerate him, ok? _

_ He is not going anywhere anyway _

_ No matter how mean you are _

_ And Kihyun hyung, it’s your turn to make dinner, remember? _

**_KIHYUN_ **

_ Argh _

_ Fine _

**_MINHYUK_ **

_ I am going to pretend he isn’t there _

**_JOOHEON_ **

_ Then, just look at me and pretend I am the only one in the world _

**_MINHYUK_ **

_ Baby, you are _

_ The only one in my world  _

**_HYUNGWON_ **

_ What about your daughter lol _

**_MINHYUK_ **

_ Well, of course they are both the only people in my world  _

**_JOOHEON_ **

_ Hyungs, Hoseok hyung and I will be at his place in about forty minutes _

_ Kihyun hyung be there by then so you can start dinner _

_ We got everything from the list you sent _

**_KIHYUN_ **

_ Fine _

_ See you soon _

**KAKAO TALK PRIVATE CHAT FROM “SEOK” TO “KKUNG ♥”**

**_HOSEOK_ **

_ Hey _

**_CHANGKYUN_ **

_ Hyung, hi _

**_HOSEOK_ **

_ We will be home in a few minutes _

_ Got your medicine and groceries _

_ Got you your favorites frozen food  _

_ And some stuff that is easy to cook _

_ So you don’t have to order in all the time _

**_CHANGKYUN_ **

_ Okay _

_ Thank you hyung _

After Hoseok drops me in bed, he gives me some pain medicine and leaves. The medicine makes me fall asleep but I wake up quickly. Maybe because my mind is so full, full of what I saw in Jooheon’s mind. I felt better for a moment after I had the mental connection with Jooheon but the moment didn't last long. As soon as I fell asleep I had horrible and painful dreams but also happy and joyful ones, dreams of memories of his. 

When I wake up, I just sit in bed thinking of the things I saw. It's not like I could see every single thought in Jooheon’s head when we connected, some things aren't really easily remembered. But I could see the most important things, maybe more than he saw in my head. 

I saw the moment he found out I left, when Hoseok and Kihyun burst into his apartment, Kihyun telling them I had left while Hoseok cried like a baby by his side. Jooheon couldn’t believe it was true. He tried to call me, to find me, to reach me for months but after a while he was finally convinced by his friends to accept the rejection and give up. He cried as he drank bottle after bottle of beer until he passed out. Everyday for weeks. He had never felt so sad before. Eventually he listened to our friends and decided not to cry over someone who didn’t love him. The anger quickly took over the sadness and he rarely ever thought of me again, he tried hard not to. But the feeling of betrayal, hurt and the lack of satisfaction with himself follow him until this day.

I also saw the time he adopted his child from his sister. His sister who died in childbirth and the memories of that day hurt me like it happened to me. The image of his sister dead on the hospital bed and the baby still in her arms crying was one of the things that haunted him the most, it was the moment he promised he would always take care of Olivia, take care of her like he couldn’t take care of his little sister. A moment he wished I was there to comfort him because no one comforted him like me. He even called my phone with a tiny bit of hope, hoping I would answer and come take care of him.

I saw the memories of when he fought through bone cancer for a year. Thankfully the doctors caught the cancer early in a yearly check up for his job so he managed to get chemo and was soon cancer free. But he still went through excruciating pain, sickness, dizziness and even suicidal thoughts. He didn’t try to call me this time, to him, after I wasn’t there when his sister died, I was dead, or at least he tried to act like I was, even though it wasn’t how he felt. He missed me everyday. 

I saw Jooheon and our friends help Hyunwoo when his wife died only four months ago. They met in a bar the day I left. Hyunwoo was at a table alone, drunk out of his mind and crying like a baby and she helped him get home. She helped him through losing a friend. They got married four months later and she got pregnant two months after that. And died over four years later in a car crash.

Hyunwoo’s wife came from a very rich family, owner of big companies. Hyunwoo had no idea until she invited him home to announce she was getting married. People were rude to him because he wasn’t rich so it took him a while to get used to it. He never understood how she was so kind when her family was so awful. When she died, she left everything for Hyunwoo, boats, buildings, houses and all her money.

Hyunwoo and his wife had Namkyu because her parents insisted they had a child so the companies they owned had an heir. She didn’t want to but got pregnant in peer pressure but was so happy she did when Namkyu was born. From what I saw in Jooheon’s mind, the couple always looked happy, they were like the perfect family. 

Hyunwoo was so broken when he lost her, he couldn’t even stand looking at his son because of how much the child looked like his mother, he didn’t even accept all the riches his wife left, Hyungwon did it for him. He ran off a week after she died, leaving work and everything behind. Hyungwon, the person he has always been closest to, offered to go with him, wherever he went, and Hyunwoo let him. Jooheon and the others didn’t know where they were for a while, only getting texts from Hyungwon to tell them if they were okay. A month ago, Hyungwon texted saying they were in Hyunwoo’s wife’s beach house in Jeju and that he still wasn’t better. 

Another intense memory was when he and Minhyuk almost got divorced. Minhyuk was convinced Jooheon had never loved him, that he pretended to, that he still loved me. They started dating because Jooheon wanted to get over me so Minhyuk never believed Jooheon's love for him was real. I felt guilty when I saw that memory, like it was my fault. Jooheon left Minhyuk after a big fight and stayed with Hoseok for a few nights but soon ran back home telling Minhyuk he missed him and didn’t want to ever be without him.

One of the memories wasn't as painful as the others to him, but it was the most painful to me when I saw it. The memory of when Hoseok's mother died. I was so close to Hoseok’s mother, she was the mother I never had. I even spent holidays with them and spent weeks at their house since my parents didn’t care. She always treated me like a son. It pained me deeply to know she was gone like it was my own mother. I saw Jooheon take care of all funeral arrangements because he learned how to from his sister’s and because Hoseok couldn’t even get out of his room to eat let alone to make funeral arrangements. That memory devastates me.

I saw good memories too but the bad memories were stronger in my mind even if they weren't in Jooheon’s, his mind always trying to avoid them and be happy. The bad memories made me see what I wasn't there to help him through, to support him through. To support them through. Now guilt consumes me even more. Pain and sadness as well. I'm a piece of shit for leaving. How could I have left like I did? How could I let my best friend go through all these things without me? How could I be so selfish and awful to the people who did nothing but love and support me? I should've been there. I should've been there like I always said I would. But I wasn't. And I don't deserve them. I want to make up for it so badly but I don't even know if it's possible.

I hear Kihyun's voice from outside the window, then Minhyuk and Jooheon’s louder ones, distracting me from my agonizing thoughts. I hear them walk from the car to the house, playing with the kids, chatting and laughing. I should have appreciated this before. I had missed them. I missed Minhyuk’s laughter, his jokes, his smile, his beautiful aura. I miss him. I miss Kihyun with his caring and kind way, his nagging and even our arguments, how he'd always lost to me in FIFA, how he taught me how to cook and how to take care of people. I wanna go downstairs and see them so bad, hug them, tell them how much I missed them, meet Minhyuk's daughter and tell her I'll be the best uncle ever. But I know they won't greet me with open arms, like Kihyun didn't. 

So I lie in my bed in silence, listening to the noises coming from downstairs, the laugh from the kids and the voices of the people I love slightly soothe my pain. If I hadn't left I could've been a part of this. A part of this family. 

A few moments later, I hear Hoseok’s voice and Kihyun yelling at him, there are sounds of pans and pots, loud conversations I can't quite understand from so far away. Then I hear my door creak, being opened slowly and I sit up to watch Hoseok walking into the room with a pharmacy bag in one hand, a mug on the other and a small smile. I give him a big smile. I don't read his mind. And I don't even have to try not to read him this time. 

"How are you?" Hoseok asks and sits by my side on the bed then hands me a bag with my medication. 

I shrug. “I looked for our cats all over the house.” I whisper, placing the medicine on the nightstand one by one. “They weren’t where your mom kept her cats… Where are they?”

Hoseok clears his throat then sighs as he opens the medicine bottles for me. “I gave them away to the girls that moved into our apartment when I moved out.” 

“Really?” Knowing the cats we raised together are gone makes me want to spill the tears I have been meaning to since I woke up.

He nods and gives me a weak smile then sighs again. "Blue pill, red pill, yellow pill at night." He says, showing me the content of each bottle. "Pink pill and white pill in the morning. I wrote it down for you.” He gets a crumpled piece of paper from his pocket and leaves it on the nightstand. “You have to drink them with milk or eat before you do or else it’ll hurt your stomach." 

Hoseok hands me the mug that's filled with warm milk and gives me a soft smile. "Thanks." I tell him, placing the mug on the nightstand and going through the medicine in the bag to find the right ones to take now. 

"I marked the pill bottles." He says, pointing at them. "With the colors of the pills. So you don't have to open and check." 

I blush for some reason and feel my heart flutter, like when we first met. He watches as I look at the little adorable chart he made me with the time for the pills on it then pick the pills from the bottles. When I take the medication, he gives me a thumb up and a small smile .

"You remember when we first met?" I ask out of a sudden, putting down the mug after drinking all of the milk. 

He nods, smiling. "You punched me, how could I forget?" 

"Not then." I say, not daring to raise my head and look at him. "Before, in tutoring." I almost whisper as I organize the pill bottles on my nightstand. "We stared at each other every day. I thought you were so cool with your leather jacket and your cool haircut." When he chuckles, I can’t stop myself from raising my head and looking at him, who has a small smile on and is looking down at his hands on his thoughs. "I got so angry when I saw you with the girl you were tutoring.” I whisper. “She was always all over you."

He scoffs. "If only you knew you had me at the palm of your hand..." Hoseok sighs then lies back on the bed, eyes glued to the ceiling. 

I lie down on my back, looking at the ceiling too, with a strong urge to take his hand that rests on his belly but I don't, scared to upset him. 

"I was so angry because I liked you so much.” I tell him. “I kept trying to convince myself that I hated you but I couldn't stop looking at you.” He lets out a breathy laugh which makes me smile. “And when you looked at me, into my eyes, I felt goosebumps. It was… Like nothing I had ever felt."

"I know." He raises his legs up in the air and kicks the air, playing around like he usually does when he's lying in bed like this. “I felt it too.”

There is a long moment of silence in which we stare at the ceiling. It isn’t awkward. It’s comfortable. It feels like home. Like we went back in time to the times we laid in bed and went on and on about theories about the universe and the world.

"Thank you." I turn on my side to look at him but he doesn't do the same. "For letting me stay here."

"You're welcome." He whispers, eyes following his feet. 

"I'm sorry." 

He sighs. "I know." 

"I shouldn't have left." 

"But you did." 

"I'm sorry." 

He sighs deeply then turns on his side and gives me a soft smile. "I know, Changkyunie." 

"I'm sorry about your mom." I tell him. "She was… Amazing. She was so kind and beautiful. Always…” I smile. “Always telling you to take care of me." I chuckle. “There was no one like her.”

"You're still reading my mind? I told you—" 

"I'm not. I think I kinda got the hang of this thing. It was Jooheon. When we did that thing. I saw her funeral, how sad you were, how hurt you were.” 

“Yeah.” He says and sighs. “She was my best friend.”

“Remember when you came out?” I ask, smiling widely. “She was like ‘yeah, and?’ like it was the most normal thing in the world.”

Hoseok chuckles. “I thought she was gonna hate me. She was so conservative.”

“She loved you more than she loved her beliefs. I don’t think anything would ever have gotten in the way of that love.”

Hoseok nods. “She loved you too, you know? Like a son. She was sad when you left but never got mad at you. She always told me you would come back and apologize and you did.”

“Really?” I ask, still trying to hold back the tears. 

Hoseok nods with his beautiful and kind smile. “Just wish she was here to see she was right.”

“Me too.” I tell him. “I wish I had come back sooner. To see her.”

“Me too. She would have been so happy.”

“Me too. She was the mother my own mother never was.”

He doesn’t say anything else and there is another moment of silence. I can always read him so easily but right now his expression is blank. And I fight the urge to read his mind. But I am close to giving in because not knowing what he is feeling and thinking drives me crazy. I always know.

“That sharing memories thing sounds… intimate. Doesn’t it?” He raises an eyebrow and gulps, looking down at his hand on the sheets under us.

“It is.” I whisper, smiling. “It was like we were inside each other.” He doesn’t seem happy with the explanation, raising his eyes, puckering his lips and sighing. “It’s crazy. And Jooheon’s memories are so detailed. He remembers everything so clearly. His mind is...amazing. But I knew that way before I read his mind. He's just brilliant." 

He nods and looks away. And yeah, I peek into his head for a second, I'm too curious not to because the look on his face makes me so curious. I can’t hold back anymore. So I look into his mind, just a little, and when I do, I like what I see right at the surface and it’s something that makes his whole mind go into danger mode.

"You're jealous." I say, smirking. "Over Jooheon, really?" 

"Changkyun, stop..." He says calmly. "I don't want you in my head. It's invasive. It's disrespectful. Please." 

"I'm sorry." I whisper, looking down and sighing.

"So you keep saying. You can't just do fucked up shit expecting you'll say sorry and things will be fine. Our mind is supposed to be the only thing no one can invade but you can. And you shouldn't, okay?" Even though what he says is a bit upsetting, he says it calmly.

"Okay. I-I won't do it without permission. I won't." 

“Promise me.”

I nod hard. “I promise.”

He doesn't say anything else and I begin smirking again. I tickle him and he tries not to laugh but can’t hold back his laughter for more than a few seconds. He keeps asking me to stop, laughing out loud and when I do, we just look at each other, smiling

"You're jealous." I say, my smile turning into a smirk. 

He sighs. "Changkyunie, let's not…" 

"You've always been jealous of how close Jooheon and I were, haven’t you?" I take Hoseok's hand, trying to share my memories and feelings with him, to assure him that he is number one in my life, he's the one I've loved the most since I was sixteen. But it doesn't work. 

"Ugh!" I groan and let go of his hand. "What use is there if I can't control this connecting thing!" 

"Be patient." He tells me, now staring at the ceiling. "You'll get there."

"Can I practice with you?" I ask. "The sharing thing? If you want to, I mean." 

"You want me to see what's in your head?" He asks, raising his eyebrows. "That is way too intimate, Changkyun."

"Well, I don't think there's any way we haven't been intimate but this." I say with a small smile.

“This is different.” He raises his head and looks into my eyes. "And we aren't like that anymore." 

"We are to me.” I tell him, squeezing his hand. “I trust you more than anyone in the world. I want you to understand what led me to do what I did. I want you to see things in my head the way I see in yours. It's fair, isn't it?" 

"I'm not sure I wanna see anything in your mind, Changkyunie." He whispers.

"What? Why not?"

"I don't wanna get hurt even more."

"I don't think you will. This sharing thing is… it's like a connection. It's comforting. It makes you hurt less. At least for a while after." 

"And then? I'll know it all and hurt over it later?" 

"I-I don't know." 

"Try it with Minhyuk. I think he wants to. Share or whatever."

"I don't trust him." I admit. "I just trust you. And Jooheon. No one else." 

"Then try it with Jooheon." 

"You don't have to be scared."

"You said you'd stop reading my mind." 

"I didn't. I just know you." 

He presses his lips against each other, nodding then sighs. "I forgot." 

I raise my eyebrows. "Forgot what?" 

"How well you know me." He says and sighs.

"You changed a lot, though." I tell him. "You're sad most of the time. You don't trust people. You rarely sleep, work out too much. Don't eat enough—" 

"Can you not talk to me about what you've seen in my head?" He asks, interrupting me. 

"Okay." I whisper, not wanting to say sorry again and annoy him. 

"If you want me to know what happened, you don't have to share your entire consciousness with me. Just tell me. Talk to me. I'm listening. You know you can tell me anything. No matter what." 

“Okay, but…” I take a deep breath. "It's heavy stuff." 

“What? You just said you wanted me to go in your head.”

“I am just warning you.”

"You've seen what's in my head and everything we all went through. I'm familiar with heavy."

"Not that kind of heavy." I say. "It's different." 

"You can tell me. There was a time we told each other everything, remember? No mind reading needed."

I chuckle. "Yeah. Easier times, right?" 

He smiles weakly. "Much easier." 

There's a moment of silence where he stares at the ceiling and I stare at him. He's so beautiful. I will never get used to how beautiful he is. I also keep quiet and stare because it’s not easy talking about this, because I have never told anyone.

“Saying it is harder than letting someone in my head.” I tell him.

“It’s just me, Changkyunie. You have nothing to worry about.”

I nod slowly, taking a deep breath. “Okay.” I whisper.

He remains silent, waiting for me to start talking.

"My first manager... You… you met him, remember?" I tell Hoseok and he hums positively in response. "Well, he wasn't very nice to me, he… he wasn’t nice at all.” I pause and begin drawing lines on the sheets with my fingers instead of looking at him. “He was kind of insane. Not kind of, he was insane. I…” I take a quick look at him then look down when our eyes meet. I know that if I look into his eyes, I will cry. Because his eyes are always able to disarm me. I am really nervous, even if it’s him. “I didn't realize it, I... I thought he was the coolest man on earth, you know? You remember how excited I was about him, right?”

“I remember.” 

“Yeah, I-I thought he was the best manager in the world. He got me to debut and release my first album so I thought he was the only one I could trust.”

“And me?” He asks .

I sigh deeply, fingers still dancing over the sheets. “I thought he was what was best for me, not you or anyone but him. I-I idolized him. I did everything he told me to. I didn't even hesitate when he told me to leave you guys. He had me at the palm of his hands. I was like his puppet."

I feel Hoseok shuffle around on the bed but I don’t look up to find out why. 

"He… h-he… he touched me, sometimes. In places I didn’t… I didn't want it. I wanted you.” I fight the tears that fill my eyes. I won’t cry because of that man anymore, I can’t cry because of all this, I won’t know how to stop. “I told him I didn't want him like that, but he still touched me. Whenever we were alone. At the studio, at the company, restrooms, anywhere. He touched my ass, my crotch and laughed it off after."

"When we were still together?" Hoseok asks and I nod.

“I didn’t… I didn't think much of it then. I thought it was like that, I... it... it made me feel so wrong… so disgusting, hyung.”

Thinking of all of this makes me want to throw up, it makes me sick and sad, I feel so much at once it’s overwhelming. Talking about it makes it feel like I am going through it again and I am trying so hard not to cry my eyes hurt, or my head. Well, it all hurts.

“I tried to convince myself I was being silly, that it was no big deal, that he didn't mean any harm, that he was being playful and I was overreacting." I sigh and pause for a second, reaching out for his hand and playing with his fingers in an attempt to distract myself from the urge to cry. "When our numbers started going down—streams, sales, etc—he told me it was because I was distracted. Because all I wanted was to be with you, all I thought of was you and only wrote songs about you…” I sigh. “He told me you were a distraction and I believed him. I shouldn’t have believed him... I felt so… It was… I-I wasn't in love with the guy but I loved him. In a bad way. I was obsessed with him. Like a crazy fan. I thought I owed him my life for making me famous. And when he said I had to leave you guys because he wanted what was best for me, I believed him. But he just wanted me for himself.”

“Why didn’t you tell me this was going on?” He asks in the softest tone and squeezes my hand. 

“Because I thought he was helping me. I thought he was good. I didn’t see how bad things were. How much he was manipulating me. I was brainwashed.”

“What happened after you left? Why couldn’t I reach you?”

“He got me a new phone and a new number, said it was better, so I wasn’t tempted and texted you.” I pause, sighing. “I knew your number by heart but I was afraid to call. I knew you hated me.”

“I didn’t. I was looking for you for months.”

“You were?”

I nod. “I made up all kinds of things to make sense of what you did so I kept looking for you, trying to make sense out of everything.”

“I’m sor-” I cut myself off, remembering he got upset I kept saying I was sorry. “I missed you. Every second.”

He doesn’t reply. 

“My life was hell as soon as I walked away, hyung, it was.” When I raise my head and look into his eyes, I can’t hold it anymore and the tears escape my eyes. “That manager, he got me an apartment right next to his so he…” I trail off and sob, looking down again. Hoseok reaches for my face to tilt my head up and wipe my tears away with his thumb and then keeps his hand on my cheek, since wiping my tears away are useless because they won’t stop coming. “He controlled my every move… he controlled my life, h-he... He had the keys to my apartment, he walked in whenever he wanted, he caught me touching myself, on-on purpose he...” I shake my head, taking a deep breath, the memories of what happened becoming more vivid the more I talk about it. Hoseok moves his hand from my cheek to my shoulder and squeezes it.

“Baby, it’s okay.” He whispers. Just hearing him call me by a pet name comforts me, and so does the words he says next. “It’s okay now.”

I nod and gulp. “Sorry. I… Sorry, I shouldn’t cry. There is just so much…”

“It’s okay.” He whispers, running his hand up and down my arm. “It’s okay to cry. It’s okay if you want to stop, you don’t have to tell me right now.”

I shake my head. “I want to tell you.” I say between sobs and sniffs. “I-I have never told anyone and I… it’s good. It’s good I am telling you.”

“Okay.” He whispers. “It’s okay.”

When he leans forward and kisses my forehead, my heart stops completely and I just stare at him wide eyed when he pulls away and gives me a soft smile, hand going from my shoulder to my head and softly stroking my hair. I know he is doing it out of pity but I don’t care, I will take what I can get.

“It’s okay.” He gives me a soft smile. “Don’t worry. It’s okay now.”

It’s funny how such simple words can comfort me so easily, how just looking at his eyes makes me feel safe. “Okay.” He keeps telling me it’s okay and I manage to stop crying and calm down little by little. I realise my breathing is heavy when I notice it slowing down.

“Okay?” He asks when I seem to have calmed down.

“Okay.” I tell him, wiping my nose with the back of my hand and nodding. “I’ll keep going then.”

“No rush.” He whispers, fingers running through my hair and I close my eyes, enjoying the feeling of his hand on my head, something I haven’t felt for so long, because I don’t know if it’ll happen again.

I take a deep breath and nod. He gives me an encouraging smile and I give him a small smile back. “My manager, he was… possessive. Not in a good way. He didn't… didn’t let me drink or go out.” When I try to look away, he cups my chin and tilts my head so I look at him. It makes me shiver. “He checked my phone every night.” I continue. “He told me I had to be good for him so I could become who I dreamed of. That he'd make sure I would. He said he'd make sure I had money, fame and everything I've ever dreamed of.”

I pause again and he pats my head. “It’s okay.” He whispers.

“He moved into my apartment, later on,” I tell him and he nods. “He took over everything in my life. I had sex with him one night when I was very drunk.”

“Was he drunk?”

“No.”

“Then that wasn't sex, Kyunie. Drunk people can’t consent.”

“I know, I... I didn't even know what was happening, I just know it hurt and I kept calling for you. And then he had sex-- he a-assaulted me every time I got drunk and I just got used to it so I let him do it when I wasn't drunk. And I hated it. I hated that it wasn't you. I had never been with someone who wasn't you so I felt disgusting. I felt like I was betraying you.”

“It wasn’t your fault. You weren’t betraying anyone.”

“I-I didn't want to be there but I forced myself to be with him. I always forced myself so it was my fault.”

“Changkyunie, it wans’t.”

“I… I forced myself to do anything he wanted, hyung. If I hadn’t… God, he even when he punched me when I got home late and didn't tell him where I was. He was… he was awful. And I was stupid. God, he hurt me because I said no to having sex, when my new album numbers weren't as high as he expected, I still stayed. For over two years. It’s on me."

“No. Changkyunie, this isn’t your fault.”

"It… I don’t know but… my emotional health went down the hill because of everything he did, because I didn’t have you guys anymore, because it was my fault, I didn’t eat, sleep, I felt disgusting, all I did was work, I was depressed, I was constantly hiding bruises and cuts, I was dying. So I realized it was because of him.”

“Baby…”

“I got help, though. I saw a doctor and I didn’t tell her what happened but we talked, mostly about you and it help. I just realize I thought I didn’t deserve love after I let you go.”

“Changkyunie, you do. You deserve love. All the love.”

“I know… Kind of, I-I realized that I didn’t deserve to be beaten up like I thought I did. I realized I deserved better.” I sigh.

“You do. You deserve the world.” I give him a soft smile and he ruffles my hair. 

“Then I deserve you. Because you are my world.”

He chuckles. “Not the best moment for a pickup line, is it?”

“I know… but it’s true.”

“You deserve the best in the world.”

“Then… you?”

He gives me a small smile but tries to hide it. “What else happened, Changkyunie?”

“Well, I knew that if I left him I would get fired from the entertainment company. That no one would believe me when I told them the things he did. He was a respected man. I was just some rookie rapper. But I still left the company, even though I knew I could lose everything." 

"That was really brave of you." His fingers massaging my scalp are comforting. His thumb caressing the back of my hand makes me melt under it. 

"I was still a coward. I wanted to go back to you. To explain. To beg for forgiveness but I couldn't. I knew you all hated me. I was scared. Afraid of rejection. So I didn't come back. I chose to live missing you constantly and crying over you every day. Because I accepted that there was no way you'd take me back."

"I would have." He admits what he knows I've seen in his head. "You know what's in my head. You know I want…" 

"I know you want to. To take me back. But you're still hurting. And it's hard." 

"Maybe that mind reading thing isn't so bad. I don't have to say the things that are hard to say." 

I chuckle and nod. “You get it, then?” I ask and he nods.

"What happened after you left the company? How did you get, you know, big?" 

“I was already big though.” I say with a smirk and he rolls his eyes.

“How did you manage to work things out?”

"Well, at first I thought I was gonna lose everything but I kept making music anyway. Posting it online and such. And people still listened to my music, they wanted me, they wanted more, especially when I came out. I made up a lie, though. I made a video telling everyone that I left the company because they didn’t accept my sexuality and wouldn’t let me come out of the closet. Which was kind of true. The video went viral and it was everywhere. I was everywhere. All of Korea knew who I was. It was scandalous. 

You know people rarely come out where we live. And when I did everyone was talking about it, people were talking about me even overseas." Hoseok squeezes my hand and gives me a soft smile. "Coming out was the best thing I did. I skyrocketed after that. So many queer kids who never had a queer Korean rapper to look up to, looked up to me, to my music. And I had no idea there were so many of these kids who longed for someone like me to represent them in the music industry. And thanks to them I got signed to a different company who accepted me completely, my album sales and streams went higher than ever before, life was good after that.” I sigh deeply. “But I still missed you."

He sighs, smiling. "Well, I'm here now. And I am proud of you." He presses his hand to my cheek to caress it with his thumb. “You were so brave, Changkyunie.”

I smile and nod, looking into his eyes. It makes me so comforted and happy to be like this with him, to have his hands on my cheek and my own hand, to feel his warmth, to cry and be comforted by him like so many times before. I have waited to hear these words from someone for so long and hearing them from him, the person I love the most in the world, makes me so happy. 

We stare at each other for a long moment, one of his hands on mine, the other on my cheek. I can’t help but stare at his lips. They are rosy, plump and beautiful. I wonder if they taste like they used to, feel like what they used to. I wanna kiss him but I know he will be mad if I do. Even though I know he wants to kiss me too.

"Can I hug you?" I ask, feeling the tears emerge again. "I'm just really emotional after this and I just really— God, I am such a mess--" 

Hoseok interrupts me, pulling me close in a tight hug. His hands slide up and down my back, I guess in an attempt to comfort me. The feeling of love and warmth comfort me like nothing else, make my worries seem smaller and everything hurt less, I feel like I can finally breathe because I have him like this again, breathe after over four years. How I had missed his hugs, the safety of his arms, the love I feel when he holds me.

He pulls away from the hug and I miss it as soon as he does but I don't complain, I will take what I can get. "I've always known how strong you were, Changkyunie." He tells me. "You're a survivor." 

I smile shyly. "Thank you, hyung. I’m sorry I am such a mess.”

“You aren’t.” He says. “And don’t ever blame yourself for what this man did. You did nothing wrong, okay? Absolutely nothing. He took advantage of you.”

I nod hard, wiping my tears away with the back of my hand. “Okay.” I whisper 

"Don't be so hard on yourself, okay?” He sighs, smiling softly as he tugs a strand of my hair behind my ear. “Be kind to yourself. You deserve it. After all this shit you went through, don’t forget you deserve good things." He tells me. 

I laugh nervously. "That's a lot to ask, babe." Hoseok doesn’t frown at the pet name like I thought he would. Maybe he really feels sorry for me. "That's a lot to ask. You know I’m an overthinker and not good and being nice to myself."

“You should work on it, then. I will be nice to you and show you how it’s done.”

I smile. “Yeah?”

He nods, trying to hide his smile.

“I am eager to learn, then.”

He removes his hand from my cheek and sighs. "Then… why don't we go downstairs?” He asks. “You can meet Olivia. And Namkyu has asked about you all day." 

I smile widely. "Really?" 

"Yes. Kept asking why the man from the picture was in his house." 

I laugh. "That's adorable." 

"They both are." He keeps looking at me for a while instead of getting up to go downstairs like he suggested. He looks down, biting his lip then looks at me again. “You stole one of them.” He whispers. “One of the pictures.”

I nod slowly and give him a small smile. “They are mine too.”

“You told me I could keep everything when you left so they are mine.”

I sigh. “Babe... ” I slide a hand up his arm and rest it on his shoulder. “I didn’t mean it, okay? You know...”

“I know. I was just saying, they are mine now.”

I shake my head. “I want my ownership back. Of our things. What’s mine is yours…”

“Maybe…”

“Just of the pictures, then?”

He sighs, smiling. “Okay but just the picture.”

I cheer and chuckle. “So I still have ownership of them.” I grab my phone and show him the picture behind the transparent phone case. “I took this one, remember? It’s rightfully mine.”

“I remember.” He says. “But… they are precious to me so… don’t take any of the others too.”

“Why would I take them if I’ll be right here to look at them? I just wanted this one so I can look at it every single second.”

Hoseok smiles, a big genuine smile. It is so beautiful and instantly makes me smile too as I squeeze his shoulder and we look at each other. I take his hand again as our smiles fade and we keep looking at each other.

“They are precious to me too.” I tell him. “You are precious to me.”

He suddenly looks away, stretching his body then rolls out of bed. He keeps trying to hide his smile and it is so adorable, it makes me smile too.

We go downstairs together and as we walk down, I realize I don't have to try not to read people's minds anymore. Stopping it comes naturally. And it's amazing because when I see Minhyuk at the bottom of the stairs with a hand on his hip, looking up from his phone on the other, when I see the way he looks at me, I don't want to have to read the awful thoughts about me in his mind too. 

"So." Minhyuk says when he sees me, hands on his hips, pursed lips. "When are you going back to your own place?" 

"Minhyukie…" Hoseok trails off and Minhyuk gives him an angry stare. 

"I don't know when I am going back." I tell him. "I don't know when I'll be better. I can call my doctor and—" 

"You don't have to call anyone, Changkyunie." Jooheon says, showing up from the kitchen. "You can stay as long as you want." He tells me and Minhyuk groans. "Right, hyung?" Jooheon asks, looking at Hoseok. 

Hoseok smiles and nods. "Of course. This is Kyunie's home too. My mom would kill me if I didn't take care of him." Hoseok laughs softly and it melts my heart. 

"Don't bring your mother into this." Minhyuk says. 

“Didn’t you say you were going to pretend he isn’t here?” Jooheon asks and Minhyuk rolls his eyes.

"Can I meet Olivia?" I ask. "I saw so many pictures of her. She seems so special." 

"What? No—" 

"Of course you can." Jooheon says, interrupting Minhyuk and glaring at him then looking at me with a soft smile. "She'd love to meet you, Changkyunie. She always asks who you are when she sees pictures of us seven." 

I smile widely. “Really?”

“Yeah.” Hoseok replies.

They take me to the playroom, even if Minhyuk isn’t happy about it. The beautiful and adorable playroom they made is Hoseok’s mom’s old office. It is so well decorated and there are way too many toys, many of them belonged to Hoseok. The walls are lilac and there are many characters and flowers drawn on it. I can make out which drawings were made by Minhyuk and which were made by Hoseok.

Minhyuk leaves the room quickly, he shows it well he doesn’t want to be around me when he walks out of the room stomping his feet like a child. I don’t mind, I understand he is mad and I will endure his anger for as long as I have to.

When Jooheon introduces me to Olivia, he tells her to hug me. She runs to me and hugs me tight like she has known me all her life. She is a smart little kid, she talks a lot for her age, which she probably gets from Minhyuk. She's funny and very easy to befriend. Unlike Namkyu who constantly glares at me, frowning and crossing his arms. So I read his mind to find out why. 

The little guy is very jealous. Jealous because of how Hoseok has been looking at me. Jealous when Hoseok touches my arm as we play with Hoseok’s childhood train toy and laugh over old memories. Also jealous because I'm staying at his house. Which apparently belongs to him in his head. He thinks Hoseok left him waiting at school because of me. He's afraid I'm sleeping in Hoseok's bed. He thinks only he can sleep in his uncle’s bed. It's adorable. The kid is in love with Hoseok and it's the cutest thing. 

When Kihyun calls us for dinner, we have been playing for almost an hour. We get the kids to gather around the dining room table and I am the one who gets to hold Olivia’s hand on the way there which makes me really happy. We place the kids on their special chair and begin to eat the food prepared by Kihyun, Jooheon feeding his daughter and Hoseok feeding Namkyu. I was expecting Minhyuk and Kihyun to start yelling at me and call me names as soon as we sat down but they just talk about their days and pretend I am not even there. 

I just eat quietly and try not to listen to their conversation and feel bad I am not part of it all, I try to just pay attention to how good the food tastes. But I end up just paying attention to their conversation anyway.

I knew Hoseok was a nutritionist but I didn’t know he owned a fancy and expensive nutrition clinic, I find out as they talk. Hyungwon owns a really big school where they teach kids of all ages. Minhyuk teaches art there and Jooheon gives drum classes. All of them take turns picking up the kids every day and they are always at each others’ places. They have Friday night dinners but eat together and see each other almost everyday And I yeah, I do feel bad I am not a part of it. I hate it. I hate that I am not a part of it. I hate that I can’t be an uncle to the kids, I hate I am not a part of Friday night dinner, I hate I am not part of school events, I hate that I am not a part of this family. So I just stay quiet, feeling sad, regretful and just stupid. I even fight back tears of frustration because of everything I wasn’t here for and every second I want to turn back so I am part of it.

Hoseok picks up the kids to take them to bed and as soon as the kids are gone, Minhyuk asks "How does this mind connecting sharing thing work?" 

When I hear the questions I just stare at him with narrowed eyes then shrug and remain silent as I have since dinner started over forty minutes ago.

"He doesn’t know but… it’s really cool." Jooheon says, excitedly. "It's like we are in another world, our own world, right, Kyunie?" 

I smile at Jooheon who's sitting across from me and nod. 

"Right." Minhyuk sighs and rolls his eyes. It’s obvious he is jealous.

"You don't have to be jealous." I tell Minhyuk. "Jooheon doesn't feel that way about me or has felt that way in a long time. He loves you. Only you." Minhyuk seems shocked by my revelation. Jooheon nods, smiling at his husband but Minhyuk goes back to eating, quietly now. 

"You said you wouldn't read our minds without permission," Hoseok says, coming back downstairs. 

"I didn't. It was in Jooheon's mind earlier." I explain as he sits down by my side again then he gives me a soft smile. 

"This is freaky." It’s the first time Kihyun speaks to me even though he avoids my glance. 

"Hey, can we do the thing again?" Jooheon asks. "It's kind of addicting." 

"Right?" I say, smiling. "It feels good, right?" 

"I know!" Jooheon says, excitedly. 

"Maybe we can try after dinner. Maybe I can try to learn how it works." I tell Jooheon and he nods excitedly. 

"Why are you two talking about this like it's the most normal thing in the world?" Kihyun asks. 

"I'm kinda used to it." I explain. "I don't even have to try to keep away from people's minds anymore, by the way." When I saw that, Hoseok smiles and pats my shoulder.

"That's good, man." Jooheon says. 

"I want you to try it on me." Minhyuk says. "The connection thing."

"We need a name for this." Jooheon suggests. "We can't keep calling it connection thing or whatever." 

"Mind connection is fine." I tell them and shrug. 

“What?” Jooheon says, frowning. “That’s lame.”

“It isn’t!”

“Yes it is!”

"I wanna mind connect." Minhyuk says, interrupting our bickering. 

"No." I tell him immediately. 

Minhyuk scoffs. "What do you mean ‘no’?” He asks. “I wanna know things. How's it fair you get to know what's in my head and I can't know what's in yours?"

"First of all, I didn't read your mind. I'm actually scared to, honestly. You are looking at me like you want to stab me since you got here. Second of all, I don't want to connect with your mind. There are things you shouldn't see." 

"But Jooheon should?" Minhyuk asks, frowning. "I thought you loved us all the same. Isn't that what you used to say?" 

"I do." I tell him. "I didn't mean to share anything with anyone. I just wanna share it with Hoseok and only him. And I want to control it but I don't know how to. If I could I'd only let Hoseok in my head."

Complete silence again. Minhyuk seems upset, Kihyun looks very angry, Jooheon looks thoughtful and Hoseok. Hoseok just seems sad, as he has since I felt him by my side in that hospital bed.

“I’m sorry.” I say after a moment of silence, a moment that lasted a long time. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here. I-I am so fucking sorry.” I try hard not to cry but I fail, tears stream down my face like a waterfall and I feel so stupid I can read minds but can’t control my own emotions. Hoseok places a hand on my shoulder to comfort me. “You guys went through so much and I was a piece of shit.”

“You were.” Kihyin says.

“Stop it.” Hoseok says.

“Tears won’t make us feel sorry for you.” Minhyul tells me as I wipe my tears with a napkin.

“Can you quit it?” Jooheon says, rudely. “We might have been through shit and he might not have been here when we needed him but he also went through hell and we weren’t there either.”

“We didn’t know he needed us! He left and that was his choice!” Kihyun says, raising his tone. “He left us! We would have supported him through anything if he was here!”

“And he would have supported us too, if he was here!” Jooheon retorts, just as loud.

“Watch it.” Kihyun says, now calmly. “I am still your hyung.”

“I am sorry.” Jooheon says then sighs and pauses for a moment. “Do you remember when we had that huge fight because you forgot Olivia at the supermarket? We didn’t speak for months. You refused to apologize, we wouldn’t let you see her even though she cried asking for you almost everyday.”

Kihyun nods, looking down at his plate like he is ashamed. “I remember.”

“Then I got sick and we realized that we shouldn’t hold grudges or fight each other because we knew there was a chance I could die. And I didn’t wanna die mad at you. We never know what could happen. We don’t know if we will get hurt like Kyunie did or how long we will be happy and healthy together. What if I had died? Wouldn’t you regret not making up? Not apologizing?”

We all remain silent, eating and avoiding Jooheon’s glance. Jooheon takes a deep breath and looks at Minhyuk then takes his hand. “After all the people we lost, all that we went through, we should think of how precious every second we have with the people we love are. How we should love each other while we can. Can’t we move on and be happy? Especially after what happened to Changkyunie. Can’t we just be happy he is healthy? Happy he is alive.”

Kihyun and Minhyuk are silent and I smile at Jooheon trying to show him I am thankful.

“It’s not that easy.” Minhyuk says. 

“I know, but babe… It wasn’t for me either. Before I looked into his head I promised myself I’d never forgive him. But he is here now. He is healthy, or getting there, he is safe,” He looks at me, gives me a soft smile then looks at his husband again. “Baby, he is alive and he is not leaving--”

“As long as Hoseok lets me stay, I’ll stay.” I say, interrupting Jooheon.

“Can’t you try?” Jooheon asks Minhyuk. “Try to let this all go? He shouldn’t have tot put up with this.”

“We need time, Jooheonie. It’s not like we can welcome him with open arms.” Kihyun says, gripping his cup of beer.

“Maybe if he let me peek into his mind it’d be easier for me to forgive him…” Minhyuk says and shrugs.

“No.” I say with my mouth full of food and Minhyuk groans.

“Changkyun’s mind is scary.” Jooheon says with his mouth full of food. “A lot of self--”

“Can you not tell everyone what is in my head?” I ask.

“It wasn’t anything like… about you know… It…” He sighs. “We are family. You don’t have to hide anything from anyone..” Jooheon tells me, smiling

He said we are. As in me included? He still considers me family?

“Hey, babe--” I look at Hoseok and he raises his eyebrows. “I mean hyung. Hoseok hyung.”

Kihyun coughs uncomfortably and Jooheon smirks.

“Can Jooheonie sleep over?” I ask. “So we can practice. The mind connection.”

Minhyuk raises his eyebrows and Kihyun scoffs.

“Why don’t you all sleep over?” Hoseok asks. 

“I can sleep in your room, Changkyunie.” Jooheon suggests. “We haven’t had a sleepover in years, I miss it.”

I nod excitedly and Minhyuk rolls his eyes.

“I’m sleeping in Olivia’s bed.” Minhyuk murmurs.

“Kihyunie, you can sleep in my bed.” Hoseok says and Kihyun blushes and smiles shyly.

I roll my eyes and scoff. “Are you two really gonna fuck while there are two kids in the house?”

“Huh?” Minhyuk yells as Hoseok hides his face in his palms and Kihyun looks up, gulping.

“You two are fucking?” Minhyuk asks, frowning, then looks at Kihyun. “That was the secret?”

“Changkyunie!” Hoseok raises his tone, turning to look at me.

“Oops…” I smirk, feeling no guilt over revealing that secret.

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Minhyuk asks. “How long has this been going on?” He asks loudly.

Hoseok sighs deeply but neither of them say anything so I do. “Two years.”

Minhyuk gasps. “Two years?” He yells then clears his throat.

“Kihyun took advantage of Hoseok hyung’s vulnerable state.” I say and Kihyun scoffs.

“I did not!” Kihyun says, angrily. 

“I can’t believe this.” Hoseok says. He looks disappointed. “You can’t use what you see in people’s minds against them!” Hoseok doesn’t usually raise his voice in an angry way so I am surprised when he does. “How can you be so disrespectful?”

“I wasn’t! I’m sorry, they just asked and I--”

“You are always sorry!” Hoseok stands up angrily and storms out of the room. Kihyun follows him, which makes me really angry. 

I don’t see Hoseok for the rest of the night. Minhyuk goes to bed with his daughter and Jooheon and I are left to clean up. 

“You messed up.” Jooheon says as we wash the dishes together. I scrub and he rinses as always.

“I know.” I whisper. “When I get jealous I do the most stupid things.”

“Yeah, I know. You punch people.”

I groan. “Hoseok is so mad.” I whine and stomp my feet. “I keep fucking things up.”

“You gotta be careful, man.”

“I know. But Hoseok has always been mine. Since I was sixteen. And I saw them fucking a hundred times in my head. And my mind keeps torturing me, replaying their memories and all these memories over and over. Watching them fucking is traumatizing.”

“Yeah, I saw it when I was in your head too..” He says and looks very grossed out. 

I laugh when I see the expression on his face. “Sorry about that.” I tell him and he shrugs. “Are you sure you wanna go in my head again?” I ask. “There are many more disgusting things.”

“It’s scary in there.” He says. “But I wanna help you control this.”

I nod. “It’s scary in there too.” I tap his forehead with my hand covered in foam and he slaps it away with a smile. “You and Minhyuk… you are just as kinky as I thought you would be. I knew you had a daddy kink.”

“Ugh, shut up.”

“By the way, are you two okay?”

“We were fine. But he has been weird today.” He sighs. “We always figure it out, though. It’ll be fine.” 

“Count on me if you need anything, okay?”

He nods. “I know. And you know I wasn’t gonna say anything about… what I saw with… with your manager.”

“I know, I know, I trust you. I just… even the other things, let’s just not tell anyone anything, okay? Unless we are ready to. We can keep it between us, yeah?”

Jooheon nods, smiling. “Goes into our box of secrets, then. Like before?”

I nod. “Like before.”

We stay up all night, trying everything to figure out how to control the mind connection. We lie in bed talking for hours, holding each other’s hands, trying to see if we’d eventually connect. After that doesn’t work, we try pressing foreheads, thinking the same thing, running into each other, we try everything. After we start yelling at each other at four in the morning over things we should try, we realize that what triggers the connection are strong emotions and physical contact. When I grab him by the arm, our frustration is so strong it triggers the connection. 

We cry, laugh and smile when we connect, share great memories and amazing memories. We spend the rest of the night trying to figure out how to control the connection and by seven in the morning, I kind of get the hang of it, not really but kind of. I realize that thinking of memorable and emotional moments with the person I try to connect with triggers strong emotions and makes me connect to them. So I think of Jooheon and I’s first kiss and it works, I think of our first big fight and it works. The crazy happiness we feel when we figure out how it all works triggers it and it’s amazing. And now, all I wanna do is have a moment like this with Hoseok. Share everything with him.

We fall asleep cuddling, I am spent because of all the mental connection we did for hours, so I fall asleep in seconds. I wake up at one in the afternoon, the bed is empty and it’s extremely cold without Jooheon’s warm embrace. 

I get up, take a shower and run downstairs to find everyone in the kitchen having lunch. I sit with them to eat and apologize for not helping make the food. I notice Kihyun walking funny when he gets up to grab the salt in the cabinet and that makes me crazy angry. Jooheon takes my hand under the table and squeezes it, giving me a soft smile. 

“Joobee says you figured out the mind connection thing?” Minhyuk asks calmly, talking to me very differently than he has since he got here.

I nod. “It was hard.”

Jooheon chuckles. “It was good, though. It felt amazing.”

“How exactly does it work?” Kihyun asks.

I smirk. “It’s a secret.”

Hoseok hasn’t said a word to me since I sat by his side and it worries me. I eat in silence, answering whatever question with very short answers. And I do that for the next couple of weeks. I sleep most of the time, don’t talk much. I walk around the house scared of saying something wrong and upsetting Hoseok again, of using my powers and upsetting him. I don’t use my powers for two weeks, even when Jooheon begs to connect because he is stressed about the annoying high school kids at work. I try to do everything carefully, I try to cook lunch but it does not work out so I settle on helping with Namkyu and cleaning up the house which Hoseok seems to be happy about. Jooheon is over every night with Olivia, keeping me company and playing video games with me. He still sucks at it.

Hoseok and I don’t talk much and he doesn’t try to but he does watch me a lot. And it makes me happy when he does. 

One night, we are having dinner, quietly, Olivia is sick and Kihyun has Namkyu over so it is the first time in the past two weeks that we have dinner alone. And Hoseok surprises me with a question.

“Why are you so far away?” Hoseok asks.

I raise a questioning eyebrow. “What do you mean? I am right in front of you.”

“You know what I mean.” Hoseok says. “You have barely spoken to me lately.”

“It’s nothing.” 

“Are you okay?”

I sigh. “I’m fine.”

“Come on, I know you aren’t. Is it because of what you told me?”

“What?”

“I don’t want you to think I judged you. I love--” He clears his throat. “ I think you are really brave, Changkyunie. I…”

“Thanks but I wasn’t thinking... I know you would never judge me.”

“Then… then what? Are you… are you thinking of leaving, then? Did you make up with your friends or something?”

“What? Hyung, no. I am not leaving. You guys are the only friends I have. The friends I thought I had… one of them just left and forgot I exist and the other was sleeping with my then fiance. My new manager disappeared too so...”

“Oh, I didn’t know, I… I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine.”

“Is it? Because you get quiet when you are hiding something from me. You can talk to me about this stuff. You know you don’t have to keep things to yourself.”

“I know, I just...I don’t wanna upset you any further, hyung.”

“I’m not--”

“You were really mad that day. When I told the guys about you and…”

“You know I can never stay mad at you for more than a few hours. I always left the apartment when we fought and came back after an hour with snacks. Remember?”

I finally raise my head to look into his eyes and give him a soft smile. “That was before, hyung. Didn’t you say we aren’t like that anymore?”

“We aren’t but some things never change.” He says and I give him a small smile, slightly raising one corner of my lips. “No matter how hard I try to change it, you’ll always be my Kkungie and I will always protect you. That won’t ever change.”

I nod, smiling. 

“Please don’t ignore me, okay? I am not mad at you, I just wanted to give you space, after what you told me, I thought… I was waiting for you to talk to me and you didn’t so I got worried and--”

“I don’t want any space, hyung.” I tell him. “I thought you did because you were mad but don’t you think we’ve had enough space for a lifetime?”

He nods, smiling. “Yeah.”

“Then no more space, okay?”

“Okay.” He says. “No more space.”

We stay in silence for the rest of the dinner then when we are done, we clean up the table. When I start scrubbing the dishes, he stands by my side to rinse them and gives me a big smile.

“Hyung.” I call him.

“Hm?”

“Do you think we would be married? Like Jooheon and Minhyuk hyung? If I hadn’t left, I mean.”

I shrug. “Minhyuk and Jooheon were already married when you left.”

“Yeah, I know.” I whisper. “But we always talked about it.”

He shrugs again. “We will never know what could have happened.”

“I think we would have.” I tell him. “Our bond was always so strong.”

“It still is.” He tells me, with a smile. “It’s just a little...bent?”

“But not broken?”

He shakes his head, smiling. “Never broken.”


	6. Leave Him Alone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another chapter... i am working hard to post a lot! i will do a minji x sangah story after this so please read that too! follow me on twitter if you want @princesswonhee is my username.  
> thank you for reading!

_Hoseok was standing by the classroom door talking to a girl when I first saw him. He was wearing a black shirt, black jeans, black sneakers and a black leather jacket. He was very skinny back then and everyone thought he was handsome. He was the most beautiful man I had ever seen. He was a college student, three years older than me, he tutored at my school. I never believed ‘love at first sight’ was a thing until I met Hoseok._

_Hoseok tutored the same girl every day during studying sessions from 6 pm to 8 pm and they sat at the desk right across from my tutor and I. I never paid attention in class because he was there and his smile was beautiful and his laugh was adorable. I wanted to talk to him, to be his friend, but I was shy, I wasn’t good at making friends, the only person I was ever friends with was Jooheon._

_I decided to stick to just looking at Hoseok since I was too shy to talk to him. Looking. Staring. Taking in every detail of his face as he taught his student excitedly, every single day. One day he looked at me too. At first, I was embarrassed that he was looking at me so I always looked away quickly, blushing and trying not to smile. Eventually, I looked at him when he looked at me and we smiled at each other, eyes locked for a while. And we did that same thing again and again. And I barely knew him but I loved him._

_I found out Hoseok was Jooheon’s friend, everybody was friends with Jooheon. So I asked Jooheon to introduce us. And Hoseok did not get a good first impression from me._

_I was in sports class one day and I saw him kiss his student behind the bleachers so later that day, when Jooheon brought me to the university campus cafeteria and introduced me to Hoseok, I punched him._

_Hoseok was sitting with his friends, Hyunwoo, Minhyuk, Kihyun and Hyungwon. They were all so handsome and cool I told Joohen we should leave but he insisted we stayed, he wanted me to meet his friends._

_When I got to their table, I slightly bowed to the older men in front of me and they waved back._

_“Guys, this is Changkyunie. These are Minhyuk, Kihyun, Hyungwon, Hyunwoo and Hoseok hyungs!” Jooheon said, pointing at each of them as he said their names._

_“Hi, Changkyunie.” Hoseok said, waving at me._

_I just stared at him for a moment then I punched him. Because he was kissing someone that wasn’t me. I was so jealous. Because I felt betrayed. Even though I had no right to. He didn’t even know me. He wasn’t mine. And I knew he never would be. Also, I was a stupid teenager. So I began to think that maybe the looks we shared didn’t mean to him what they meant to me._

_I apologized for punching him immediately, of course. They all looked at me like I was insane so I ran off. Jooheon talked to them, though and Hoseok accepted my apology._

_We were all friends after that. They thought it was funny how I just punched Hoseok, they said it was badass. We all started hanging out together because Jooheon was friends with all of them. I befriended Hyungwon, Minhyuk, Kihyun, and Hyunwoo easily and quickly, it was nice. I had never had other friends besides Jooheon so it felt different, they made me feel special. And hanging out with them was cool because two of them were over nineteen and they bought us alcohol sometimes. We had fun._

_I wasn’t as close to Hoseok as I was to the others. It was my fault though. I treated him like shit. Because I was mad. Because I liked him and I was sure he was straight. Because I wanted him and knew I could never have him. Because I was deeply and madly in love with him, especially after we started hanging out and I realized he was such a kind and caring person. I was mean to him and pushed him away so I wouldn’t fall deeper for him. He didn’t question why I was mean to him, though. He didn’t complain or I was mean back. He just ignored it. Until he didn’t._

_Hoseok’s mom was away visiting her mother and his brother was staying over at a friend’s so he invited us all over to drink and hang out. I had never seen Hoseok as drunk as he was that night. Everyone got too drunk that night. But Hoseok was way drunker._

_We were sitting on the couch side by side, Hyungwon had fallen asleep, Minhyuk and Hyungwon were completely focused on whatever video game they were playing and Jooheon and Hyunwoo were lying on the floor, staring at the ceiling, laughing about whatever they were talking about. I noticed Hoseok had been staring at me for the past half hour. I pretended not to notice and kept my eyes glued on the TV screen pretending I was watching the game that the other guys were playing._

_“Why are you always so mean to me?” Hoseok asked, sounding like he was about to cry but I didn’t look at him to find out if he was._

_“Why are you so annoying?” I retorted._

_“Have I done something wrong?” He asked. “To upset you.”_

_“Besides being annoying?” I asked, pretending to be annoyed but was happy he was interested._

_“What’s so annoying about me?” He asked and I shrugged. “You don’t know?”_

_I don’t say anything._

_He sighed. “I wish we could be close.” When he says that, my heart flutters. “Like you are with everyone else. I have wondered for the past four months we’ve been friends what I have been doing wrong. Why you are close to them but not to me. Am I that annoying?”_

_I raise my head to look at him and I find he is crying. And knowing I did that, breaks my heart._

_“You didn’t do anything wrong, hyung.” I tell him and take his hand and when I do he smiles softly. “It’s me… I’m… Sometimes I am cold and rude. It’s not you.”_

_“Well, can I do anything? How can I be less annoying?”_

_It was so sweet how worried he sounded. How he seemed to want to be close to me so badly._

_“You are not annoying.”_

_“Really?” He asks, smile growing bigger._

_I nod with a small smile. “Really. You’re...nice.”_

_After that, we got closer. We even hung out without the others. We had coffee, drinks, hung out at his place a lot and he tutored me all the time. And every time I saw him my heart fluttered. Every time he said something sweet I felt butterflies in my stomach. Every time he smiled, I turned into putty. I fell in love with him more and more every day and suffered knowing he would never love me and it hurt like a motherfucker. Because I was so sure he liked girls, that he was dating the girl he tutored the year before, I thought I’d never have him, as much as I loved him. And I loved him with all my heart._

_Hoseok’s family really liked me and always invited me to dinner and since my parents never really cared where I was, I was at his place all the time. Hoseok’s mom said he became a better person after I started hanging out with him, that he didn’t get late and didn’t do bad things like he used to. I was proud of that. Since we spent all our time together, he never wanted to do things without me. And I was never really into dangerous stuff so he didn’t do them anymore._

_He asked me to go over to his place one day, as usual. He told me he wanted to show me a new movie he had rented and after dinner, we sat in his brother’s bed (we were in his room because there was a leak in Hoseok’s and his brother was still in school) facing each other for ten minutes because he hadn’t put on any movie. He was sitting there, quiet, staring at his hands and fidgeting. I asked about the movie a few times but he kept quiet._

_“Are you okay?” I asked for the fourth time and he finally raised his head and looked at me._

_“I don’t know.” He replied in a whisper._

_“Did something... happen?”_

_“I wanna say something to you.” His voice was shaky, he sounded nervous._

_“Oh shit, did you lose the book I lent you? You said you wouldn’t! You always--”_

_“I am in love with you!” He said the sentence so fast I could barely comprehend what he had said. He covers his mouth, wide-eyed, looking like he had said something he shouldn’t have._

_“What? I-I--What?” I was so shocked. Never in a million years, I thought he felt that way about me._

_“Please don’t freak out, okay? I don’t expect anything from you. I just couldn’t keep it in anymore. I know we don’t hide anything from each other so…”_

_“I thought you were straight.” I tilted my head and raised my eyebrows. “I saw you kiss that girl the day we met. Behind the bleachers.”_

_“Oh, not what it looked like.” He was avoiding my glance, probably because he thought I didn’t feel the same way. But I did. And I was so nervous I couldn’t make myself say it. “She kissed me. Then I told her I was married.”_

_I laugh, a little nervously but don’t say anything._

_“Does it freak you out? That I am not straight? Because if it does--”_

_“Hyung, I am gay.” I tell him. “I am really fucking gay.”_

_He laughs, smiling widely. “Really?”_

_I nod, smiling too. “Yeah.”_

_“Well, I know you don’t feel the same way but--”_

_“I do.” It’s all I say._

_He stares at me, frowning and tilting his head like I was speaking a foreign language and it makes me chuckle. “Huh?”_

_“I feel the same way. I have… for a while?”_

_He raised his eyebrows and widened his eyes. “Really?”_

_I nodded, hard._

_“Since when?” He asked, curiously._

_I sighed and scooched closer to him to take his hand. “Since you first looked into my eyes...” I told him, looking into his eyes. “Gosh, you had me right then.”_

_“Really? I thought you hated me!” He chortled. “You punched me!”_

_“I was just jealous of that girl you kissed…” I admitted. “I actually really liked you and I was mean because I knew you wouldn’t like me back. Because I thought you were straight.”_

_“Well, I am not. And I do like you. More than like you.”_

_I tittered, caressing the back of his hand with my thumb._

_“Maybe we could…" He trails off, giggling. "I don’t know… Be together?”_

_I chuckled, nodding hard. “That sounds like a good idea.” I was smiling so hard, my cheeks hurt, my heart was beating at 3029 miles an hour and I could hear it beat in my ear. “A great idea.”_

_“So… we are dating, then?” He asks with a big smile._

_Instead of replying with words, I leaned forward and pressed my lips against his. The only experience I had had with kissing was when I had kissed Jooheon so our first kiss would be special, so I wasn’t very good at it. But he was. He pressed his hand against the back of my neck and pulled me closer, leading me up so we are both on our knees, moving his lips against mine, sucking my lips skillfully, holding tightly on my waist and damn, did he have game, he was good at it, it was kind of intimidating._

_When he pushed his tongue in my mouth, slowly, I whimpered against his lips, grabbing onto his shirt and pulling it down. When he pulled away, I was breathless, smiling at him widely._

_“Yeah.” I whispered. “I guess we are dating.”_

_He pressed his lips against mine again and pushed me down on the bed as he did, getting on top of me. He was eager, grabbing onto my clothes and pulling me as close as he could, our tongues messily massaging each other._

_I pushed him away softly and we breathed heavily, brushing our lips against each other’s. “Can we have sex?” I asked excitedly._

_“Are you sure?” He raised his eyebrows. “I don’t want to take things too fast and… lose you.”_

_“You won’t lose me.” I said, grabbing onto the collar of his shirt. “Ever.”_

Ever since I got these freaky gifts I can see my memories as if they happened minutes ago. And it’s a lot. But it’s good too. Sometimes I close my eyes and just think of good moments I’ve had with Hoseok and it makes me so happy. Everything related to Hoseok makes me happy. 

The past two weeks were like a dream. Well, not really a dream since Kihyun always showed up for no reason to interrupt Hoseok and I. Or Namkyu, asking to play or crying for attention. I really love the kid but he knows just how to ruin a moment.

I kind of became the housekeeper of Hoseok’s house. I started doing all the light housework. Dishes, laundry, folding clothes, no sweeping, changing sheets or vacuuming bit he let me bathe Namkyu when he was going to be home late. No other activities but light housework, video games, sleeping and movies were allowed by the boss Hoseok because of my arm injury. I also made food sometimes. 

Hoseok started having lunch at home saying he wanted to save money but I knew he wanted to be with me because he doesn’t need to save money, he has plenty. 

We spent a lot of time together, I woke up early everyday just to make him breakfast, did housework in the morning then made him lunch and after I ate with him, I played video games and ate in the afternoon and when he got home, we bathed Namkyu, fed him then after he was in bed, Hoseok and I watched movies and just talked and lied down on the couch together. I am like a househusband and I love it. I am just happy to be with Hoseok. All the happiness I feel from being with him makes it feel like the sadness isn’t even there.

Things were good with my friends as well. Hyunwoo facetimed me one day which surprised me. He didn't look well, it seemed like he didn't shave since he left, there were bag under his eyes and his hair was half blonde and half black from not dyeing it. It worried me. Hyunwoo said he wanted to make sure I knew he wasn’t really that mad at me, not in years, he said his wife helped him get through it all, that she was really kind. He asked me not to tell anyone he called me because he hasn't been calling anyone. He also told me he missed me and that made me tear up. I respect Hyunwoo a lot so that meant the world to me. He didn't facetime me again after that. 

Jooheon told Minhyuk about certain things in my mind. One time Jooheon and I had a mind connection, I saw how awful he felt for hiding things from his husband, he always tells Minhyuk everything, so I told him it was okay if he wanted to tell Minhyuk about everything. 

After Minhyuk got caught up on what happened to me, he hugged me tight as soon as we met and apologized for being so mean. He said we should be friends again and never stop, that he would take care of me and make sure I wasn't sad anymore. So we have been good ever since and played a lot of video games.

I am pretty sure Minhyuk told Hyungwon something about what is in my mind. They are very close, closer than Jooheon and I, being friends since they were kids. One day, Hyungwon texted me saying he hoped I was doing better from surgery, that I should take care of myself, take my medicine and eat well. I was really surprised because I thought he would hate me for a while. We shared a few other texts after that and one day he told me he missed me. So yeah, I am pretty sure Minhyuk told him something, but I will take what his kindness even if it's out of pity.

Kihyun, though, things were not good with Kihyun. I have always known Kihyun was persistent but now, he is too persistent and too possessive. He kept showing up in the worst moments. Moments like the day Hoseok and I were tickling each other in the living room floor after putting Namkyu to bed. Hoseok made a joke about my fashion and I started tickling him in revenge, his beautiful laugh echoing in the room. We fell on the floor and suddenly he was on top of me, so close to kissing me but then Kihyun burst through the doors. Or that day Hoseok told me he loved me without meaning to when we were cleaning up the living room and when I teased him about it and asked what saying it now meant, Kihyun showed up when he was about to reply.

But that didn't work as well as Kihyun seemed to expect because even when Kihyun was there, Hoseok didn't give him as much as attention as he wanted since Hoseok gave us an equal amount of it. It was kind of exhausting, this silent fight between us, kind of ridiculous. We are supposed to be friends, we are friends or were. When Kihyun realized that he couldn’t have all of Hoseok’s attention if I was there, he made sure he made everything about Namkyu so neither of us had it, telling Hoseok he had to give the kid more attention and spend more time with him, so Hoseok did. Kihyun knew that when the kid was there, Hoseok only had eyes for him which meant he didn’t have eyes for me.

One day, when Namkyu was over at Jooheon and Minhyuk's, Kihyun came over and tried to take Hoseok to his place but Hoseok refused and made up excuses. So Kihyun stayed. We had lunch then watched a movie and I fell asleep during the movie. Later on I woke up to the sound of them fucking which really hurt me.

I know they have a thing and I know Hoseok isn’t in love with Kihyun but it still hurts to know they touch each other like Hoseok once touched me. It’s my fault. Everything is my fault. 

One night, I have an awful nightmare. A nightmare of one of the worst things that awful man did to me. I can’t take being alone, I get the irrational fear that he will come to my room and hurt me again. So I sneak into Hoseok’s room, planning to get under the sheets unnoticed, but when I get there, he is awake, so I get a little embarrassed that he caught me sneaking into his room.

“You okay?” He asks, after looking up from his phone.

I shake my head. “Really awful nightmare, hyung.”

“Did you take your medicine? They are supposed to help you sleep.”

“They aren’t helping.”

I hadn’t even noticed I was crying until he stands up and approaches me then wipes my tears away with his thumb. “It’s okay.” He whispers.

I look at the bed then at him then at the bed again and then at him. “Can I…”

“Of course.” He tells me. “Changkyunie, you don’t have to ask.”

I lie down on one side of the bed and after he turns off the lights, he lies down on the other side. He lies on his side and I lie on mine, facing him. He takes my hand and squeezes it tight and with his other hand, he caresses my hair.

“What was the dream about?” He whispers.

“About that man...” I tell Hoseok. “I have this same exact dream a lot.”

“Do you want to tell me about it?”

I shake my head then after a second, I nod. “I feel better when I tell you things but this… I don’t know”

“It’s okay, baby.” He whispers and I smile.

“You called me baby again.” I tell him and he chuckles.

“Habit.” He keeps looking at me, a bit like he used to, playing with my hair and staring at each feature of my face, the street lights from outside illuminating my face. He slides his finger down the briddge of my nose then smiles. “A few habits are hard to change.”

I nod. “I know. I keep getting up earlier thinking I have to clean the litter then I remember…”

“Yeah,” Hoseok sighs. “The girls have good moms now.” He tells me. “They are a couple of older ladies. They are very nice to our kitties.”

I sigh. “I just miss them.” 

He hums. “Me too.”

“You know, sometimes we have moments like right now, together, and I feel like we are back in our little apartment with our cats and our mug collection.”

“I still have the mugs.”

I smile widely. “You do?”

He nods, smiling. “There are some boxes with your stuff in mom’s room, with her stuff.”

“I thought you would have thrown my things away.”

He sighs. “I was going to but… mom told me to keep them. That I might regret I threw them away when you came back home.”

I chuckle. “Your mom is always right, isn’t she?”

“She was always right, yeah.” His hand that was playing with my hair goes down to my face and he runs his finger up and down my jawline then all over my face, tracing my features, eyes following his fingers like he does with instruments or anything that is precious to him. He did this on my face a lot after we had sex or when we lied down in bed in lazy mornings. And then he recited a poem he made me on our first anniversary.

“You can say it.” I whisper. 

He sighs. “I don’t want to give you the wrong idea.”

“You won’t.” I tell him. “I know where we stand. I know what I did.”

“It’s not your fault.” He whispers. “I just…”

“You can say it.” I tell him and close my eyes. “I miss hearing it.”

He takes a deep breath. “Your scars are beautiful.” He whispers, running his fingers over my acne scars. “Nose like a sculpture.” One finger goes up and down my nose then down to my jawline. “Like polished diamond.” He leans in, which I didn’t expect, and nuzzles my jaw then stays like that, his side pressing against me, his breath tingling my cheek. “Your eyes are where I look,” He pulls away and takes a deep breath. “When it feels like I have lost my own sight.” I open my eyes then and when I do, he is looking right back at mine. “You are the answer everyone has always looked for.” He takes a shuddering breath. “You are the answer I never had to look for.” He says. “Because you have always been my answer, you are and will always be here and be mine.”

There are tears in his eyes. He pulls his hand off my face to quickly wipe them away like they weren’t ever there, but more come to replace them.

“Damn it.” He whispers, wiping the tears away again and again.

“It’s okay.” I whisper to him. “It’s okay, my crybaby.” I drape and arm over his waist then pull him closer, our bodies almost touching and close to an embrace. We look into each other’s eyes. “That was really bad anyway. Outdated, still saying it after ten years.”

He chuckles. “Why do you always ask me to say it then say stuff like that?” He whispers, draping an arm over my waist too and pressing a palm against my chest.

“So you don’t get too confident.”

“Do you always cry because of how bad it is?” He says and wipes the tears on my cheeks that I didn’t even know were there.

I nod, smiling widely. “Yes.” I tell him.

He titters. “I guess I won’t say it anymore.”

“You wouldn’t dare.” I whisper. “You know I love it and I know you love me.”

Hoseok doesn’t reply, he just keeps looking at me.

“Can I turn it into a song?” I whisper. 

He scoffs. “You always say it’s weird and now you want to turn into a song?”

I nod. “Yes.”

He shakes his head. “It’s only for the two of us.”

“Okay.”

He slides his hand up my back to my head and tangles his fingers in my hair to massage my scalp, both of us in silence. I lean forward and bury my head in his chest, taking a deep breath.

“The last part might not still be true, but I want to be here, with you. And be yours.”

He nods, wrapping both arms around me. “I know.”

There is a moment of silence and I keep rubbing my head against his chest and he laughs out loud.

“I’m happy, you know?” I tell him. “These past few weeks… I have been happy.”

“Me too.” He whispers. “You are good at taking care of the house, by the way. And picking movies. You weren’t good at those before.” 

I chuckle. “Well, I had to learn how to do it. I am a pro at it now.”

He takes a deep breath. “I am sorry.”

I pull away from the hug to look at him wide eyed. “Huh? You are sorry? Why would you be sorry?”

“Because I should’ve noticed what that man was doing. I should have protected you. I know you didn’t learn how to do housework because you wanted to, you have always hated it but he didn’t care what you hated or didn’t hate and I--”

“Hey, you have no blame here.” I tell him with authority in my tone. “You have always done your best to take care of me even if it wasn’t your duty to.”

“It wasn’t enough.” He whispers.

“It was enough. I made a choice and you couldn’t have protected me from that.”

“Changkyun, you were brainwashed, you--”

“It was my choice. I made a mistake. It wasn’t your fault.”

He sighs. “God, I was supposed to be comforting you, not the other way around.”

“It’s okay.” I wrap my arms around him and hug him tight, looking up at him. “We can comfort each other at the same time.”

Hoseok titters. “Are you taking advantage of me comforting you to cuddle?”

I nod. “Absolutely. Shouldn’t I?”

He squeezes my nose, smiling. “I don’t mind.”

“Good ,so go back to complimenting my great housework skills.”

“I don’t want to do housework anymore.”

I whine. “Why not?”

“Because I care about what you hate and what you don’t. I will hire someone.”

“Hyung, you don’t have to… I don’t want you to spend money because of me.”

“I live here too so it’s for us both.”

“You live here too? Are you saying I have officially moved in?”

Hoseok rolls his eyes. “You seem to be feeling much better so why don’t we go to sleep, huh?”

I shake my head, pouting then bury my head in his chest. “No, I don’t feel better, I want to cuddle and talk all night.”

He presses his hand against the back of my head then kisses the top of my head. “Stop acting cute…”

“I know you are a sucker for it.” I whisper, smiling.

“I can act cute too, you know?”

“I know, and you are the cutest. Not cuter than Jooheon though.”

He groans and softly pushes me away to look at me. “You dare say another man is cuter than me?”

I nod. “If you were my boyfriend then maybe you would have a chance against his cuteness but since you are not…” I sigh dramatically. 

“Oh, I see. And you think I will want to be your boyfriend when you say other men are cuter than me?”

“I am sorry, I take it back, you are the cutest in the world.”

He laughs. “Good boy.” He pats my head and I smile at him.

“The best, right?”

“Yes.” He says. “You can sleep here when you want to, okay?" He says, running his fingers through my hair. "If you have a bad dream, I'll be right here.”

I nod hard. “Yes. I want to. Every night.”

“Except, sometimes Namkyu might be here."

"It's okay. Namkyu likes me now, we even nap together and he likes how I wash his hair."

"Yeah but... Kihyun might come over sometines and… You know...”

“I don’t get why you are with him. You aren’t in love with him.”

“Doesn’t matter, Changkyunie. It doesn’t concern you.”

“If it concerns you it concerns me.”

“Not anymore.”

“Yes anymore.”

“What?”

“I mean, I want you to be happy.”

“I am.”

“Fine.”

“I thought you wanted to talk about your dream. Didn’t you?”

“I don’t know, I mean...It’s fine, same dream as always. Bottle to the head and the usual.”

“Oh my God, Changkyunie.”

“It’s fine. I am used to it haunting me.”

“You shouldn’t be. You should be seeing a therapist."

"I know."

"I have a friend who can find you a good therapist.”

“Okay.”

“Really?”

“Sure, I mean, I used to go to therapy after everything but my ex told me to stop going because they could expose me with what I told them.”

“They would lose their license if they did or even go to jail.”

“Yeah, I didn’t know that then.”

“I will call a friend to find one for you, okay? She can come over and you two can have your session here when I’m not around.”

“I don’t wanna bother you, hyung.”

“I just want you to be happy.” He places a hand on my neck and slides it up to cup the back of my head, fingers running up my hair and making me shiver. “And safe and sane.”

“Okay.” I tell him.

He gives me a small smile and pats my head. “Let’s go to sleep, okay?”

“Okay.”

I can’t fall asleep after that but knowing he is right there makes me feel safe, especially when I peak into his head to know what he is dreaming of but find out he is really happy I am sleeping in his bed because he has had trouble sleeping since I left. And that his stuff animals do weird stuff in his dreams.

**KAKAO TALK GROUP CHAT “FAMILY”**

**_KIHYUN_ **

_You guys have forgiven him way too fast_

**_MINHYUK_ **

_He’s been here for over a month_

_Stop acting like this isn’t about Hoseok_

**_KIHYUN_ **

_It isn’t_

**_JOOHEON_ **

_In the end, it has always been Changkyun and Hoseok, hasn’t it?_

**_KIHYUN_ **

_Things change_

**_MINHYUK_ **

_We all want to move on_

_Changkyun has been through a lot too_

_We all need each other_

_Stop wasting your time with petty fights_

**_JOOHEON_ **

_♥_

**_KIHYUN_ **

_There is no petty fight_

_I just won’t let him fool me_

**_HYUNGWON_ **

_He’s not going anywhere, Kihyun_

_He is sorry, he regrets leaving_

_He is our friend_

_Let’s move on_

**_KIHYUN_ **

_You too? Really?_

**_JOOHEON_ **

_We should add him to the group chat_

**_MINHYUK_ **

_Good idea, babe_

**_KIHYUN_ **

_What? No!_

MINHYUK HAD ADDED CHANGKYUN TO THE CHAT

**_MINHYUK_ **

_Hi Changkyunie ♥♥♥♥♥♥_

**_JOOHEON_ **

_Kyun!!!_

**_KIHYUN_ **

_For real?_

_Is this to spite me?_

**_MINHYUK_ **

_He is our friend and he didn’t stop being family because he left_

_He doesn’t need us to be mean to him after the things he went through_

**_KIHYUN_ **

_He was in a car crash, don’t be dramatic_

**_MINHYUK_ **

_He could have died_

_And there is a lot you don’t know_

**_JOOHEON_ **

_Okay, baby_

_It doesn’t matter what you say_

_He will keep being stubborn_

**_MINHYUK_ **

_Kitty boy, where are you!!!_

**_HOSEOK_ **

_Hey_

_He is asleep_

_He had a rough night_

**_JOOHEON_ **

_What happened?_

_Is he okay?_

_Can we help?_

_Should we go over there?_

**_HOSEOK_ **

_No, it’s okay, just a bad dream_

_I stayed home, though, to make sure he is okay_

_I was worried because the dreams were messed up and he seemed shaken up but kept trying to distract me so I wouldn't notice_

_I was by his bed checking if he was having bad dreams again_

_I will check on him in a second_

_I am almost done with lunch_

_Btw, Ki, you still coming before dinner?_

**_KIHYUN_ **

_I will come for lunch_

_Actually I’ll take the afternoon off_

_I have done too many extra hours_

_I get to take some time off_

**_HOSEOK_ **

_Okay then_

_Lunch is almost ready_

_Come whenever_

**_KIHYUN_ **

_Okay_

**_JOOHEON_ **

_Damn, sucks some of us can’t skip work_

_Just here teaching children, the future of our nation and all that..._

**_KIHYUN_ **

_You are doing great work, honey bee_

**_JOOHEON_ **

_You aren’t_

_Be nice to Changkyunie_

**_KIHYUN_ **

_Leave me alone all of you_

**_HOSEOK_ **

_Gotta agree with honey bee_

**_MINHYUK_ **

_That rhymes_

**_KIHYUN_ **

_Gotta go_

_Seok hyung, see you later_

I wake up way too late, at noon. Maybe the medicine I took to sleep took a while to work but did. I take a long shower then go to my room. After I put on some clothes, I sit in bed to dry my hair. My heart flutters when Hoseok walks in my room, smiling widely. He sits by my side and ruffles my damp hair.

“How are you feeling?” Hoseok asks.

“Better now. It was just a dream.” I say, smirking, playing with the buttons of his button up old plaid shirt.

“Hm,” He hums, trying to hide his smile when he looks at my fingers on his shirt.

I take his hand and begin playing with his fingers. “I was just thinking of the day we had our first kiss, since last night.” I tell him.

He titters. “You mean the night we lost our virginities?”

I nod, smirking. “It was one of the best days of my life.”

“What brought this up?” He asks, caressing the back of my hand.

“I was just lying here, thinking of us. Thinking of how good I was at sucking cock even then.”

He laughs. “You’re impossible.”

“Well, you dated me.”

He snorts and smiles. “Lunch is ready. We should eat then watch a movie.”

“Why aren’t you at work?” I ask. “You are always super busy."

“I was worried about you.” He whispers. “After you told me about that dream… I wanted to make sure I was there to wake you up if it came back.”

I smile, shaking my head. “Hyung, you didn’t have to. I am used to this kind of thing.”

“I don’t care if you are used to it. I'll do what I can to make sure you don’t suffer anymore. You’ve had enough.”

I nod. “Thank you.”

“You know you don’t have to thank me. It’s what we do for each other. We always have.”

“I know. I just… we were apart for so long I forgot what true kindness was like.”

“I’ll remind you. Just like I am trying to remind you to be kind to yourself. Is it not going well?”

“It’s going better. You are good at being kind to me but not to yourself so it gets confusing sometimes.”

“I am working on it too.”

“I will teach you then, just watch how nice to you I am.”

He chuckles. “Yes, sir.”

I smile and give him a short nod.

“I hired the housekeeper, by the way. She will come twice a week.”

“Twice a week? That’s a lot.”

“We can just let her go after you get better. Do the housework together.”

“Like before?”

I ask and he nods, smiling.

“I like it when we do things like before.”

“I like it too, Kkungie.”

“I like that too. When you use the nicknames you gave me.”

“I like it as well.” He sighs. “How’s the arm? And the head?”

“It’s better. I don’t feel that much pain anymore.”

“That’s great, Changkyunie. But let me know if it gets worse.”

“I told you I would.” I say, smiling. “You are so annoying.”

“Yes well, I care, if that’s annoying then I am glad I am annoying.”

“God, I love you so much.”

It’s like I said before, sometimes I forget we are not back in our little apartment with our kitties and mugs. I forget we don’t say I love you anymore. So I clear my throat and smile awkwardly.

“What movie are we watching?” I ask. “Oh, no romantic comedies!”

“I know. Maybe something light. Have you seen inside out?”

“You are spending too much time with kids, Hoseok.”

“Hoseok hyung.”

“I’m sorry. I forget sometimes. I haven't called you hyung since we started dating.”

“You only called me by my name when you were really mad.” He says, raising his eyebrows and smiling. “It was usually babe. You only called me babe.”

“I can still do that…”

He lets go of my hand and sighs, rubbing his hand against his leg. “I wanted to talk to you about something.” 

“Okay…”

“Kihyunie, he… He asked me out. Asked us to be together.”

“What? When?”

“Last night.” He tells me.

It is not common for me to start crying so fast, it usually takes a lot for me to cry but now, I start crying like a baby. “Shit.” I sob. “Why didn't say anything last night?”

“You were so shaken up..."

"Well, are you dating him now?

"I told him I’d think about it but I thought it was only fair I told you--”

I grab onto his arm and pull him close, pressing my head against his chest. “Please don’t date him.” I beg. “Please. I can’t… Please don’t--"

"Changkyunie…" 

I wrap my hands around his waist and lie my head on his lap, hiding my face on his stomach. "I can't take it if you do." I cry. "Please. I'll beg if you want, okay?” I get off the bed and get on my knees in front of him with my hands on his thighs. “Please.” I cry. “I can’t be without you again.”

“Changkyunie, get up. You are gonna hurt yourself.” He says, getting up then holding me up with his arms against my armpits. He carefully sits me on the bed and when we both sit back down, I immediately wrap my arms around his waist again and bury my face on his stomach.

“Please, don’t,” I whisper. “We are gonna be together, we—" 

"Changkyunie, calm down." He says, pressing a hand to my back to caress it in an attempt to comfort me. 

"I can't calm down!" I say a little louder. "I can't lose you again. I know I left you but don't leave me! I can't be without you anymore! Please, don't leave me! I will beg, I will do anything but don’t--" 

"How can you ask me that?" He asks.

"Because I can't live without you!" I yell.

"Then why did you leave?" He yells back. 

I sit up in bed to look into his eyes. "You know why.” I cry out, trying to wipe my tears away faster than they come out. “But I won't again!" I yell louder. "I love you!" 

"I don't believe you! You said that for years then you left me!" He stands up to leave and I grab him harshly by the wrist, feeling pain on my arm when I do. 

Suddenly we are pulled into what it feels like another universe, just like it feels like when I connected with Jooheon but even stronger. Our minds are one. I can see everything and he can see everything. Probably because we were both emotional and I wasn't focusing enough to stop it. 

_We were having a lazy day at home when he got busy with work and I did not seem to like not having his complete attention._

_“Babe~” Hoseok heard me whine from behind him and he smirked._

_“What is it, baby?” He asked softly._

_“Come cuddle me.” I whined and he suddenly felt me pull the hem of his shirt._

_He spun his chair around to find me kneeling there with a pout on my lips and a frown on my forehead. He ran his thumb over my lower lip and tittered. “You are so cute.” He whispered._

_“Then give me attention!” I demanded and crossed my arms._

_He got off the chair and got on his knees in front of me, smiling widely. “I’m sorry, baby.” He took my hands and leaned forward to press a soft kiss to my lips which made my pout turn into a huge smile. “I’ll give you all the attention.”_

_“Good. I want you to paint my nails.”_

_“Well, I’d love to. You always make a huge mess when you do it yourself. Like the baby boy you are.”_

_I gasped and softly slapped his shoulder. “Don’t insult my nail art skills. You are the worst boyfriend.”_

_He smiled and leaned forward to press his lips against mine again, pushing me down to lie back on the floor so he was on top of me and could kiss me deeply and passionately._

"What the fuck…" I hear his voice in his mind once we are able to escape from that memory.

"I'm sorry." I think, so he hears me in his. "I didn't mean to. Do you want me to stop?" 

"No." He can't lie in his own head, can he? "This feels amazing. I feel… Light. It's the first time my heart doesn't constantly hurt from sadness." 

“You can’t lie to me in your head. You didn’t feel sad when you were with me.”

"I can see... I can see everything." 

"So can I." 

For a second, we process the memories together instead of separately like I did with Jooheon. It feels like we are watching a movie together, I see things how they happened in his head and he sees them how they happened in mine. A movie that is first fun and beautiful like a cheesy romantic comedy, of our most special moments throughout the first seven years. Then the memory of when I leave comes and it turns into a horror movie we watch separately. And I see every single detail about everything that went on without me, I see his confusion right now, his fear but I also see how much he wants to touch me, to be with me, but the constant image of me turning around and leaving stops him from doing that. I can see all the pain, the confusion, the sadness, the loss, the grief and if I were feeling it all alone like he has been for so long, I wouldn't be able to take it. But when we are like this all the pain we feel or felt in our memories feel lighter, it feels bearable, like it can't hurt as much if we feel it together.

Even though Hoseok has his troubles, his fears, his rocky past with bad company, his mind is beautiful. He's kind, caring, empathic, genuine, he's so many beautiful things. And I hate that I can't change how much he despises himself, how he doesn't think he's good enough, but he knows how amazing I think he is so that makes him like himself a bit more. And we stay like that for a long time. Until he remembers the toll this all takes on me so he pulls away from my touch to stop it. 

We stare at each other with wet cheeks from all the crying we did without realizing it, our gazes locked and I can't look away, like I'm in a trance.

"Wow… that was…" Hoseok whispers. 

I nod, finally able to look away. "I know." 

"Your…" He breathes deeply then looks into my eyes. "Your mind is…" 

"Scary?" 

"Beautiful." 

"Yours too." 

When I begin coming down from the high of connecting and the tiredness takes over my body. I lie back on the bed on my back, breathing heavily and he lies down by my side and takes my hand. 

"I wanna kill him. That man, I--"

"Please don't talk about him." I whisper. "I am happy right now, I don't want it ruined."

"Okay." He pauses and looks at me for a moment. "You meant it." He whispers. "When you said you won't leave." 

I turn on my side to face him and he does the same. I smile at him softly as I look into his eyes. "I meant it." 

He smiles and takes my hand as he begins to cry again. "I love you." He tells me. "Fuck, I missed you so much. I hoped you'd come back every single day, Changkyunie, I—" 

"I know, babe." I press a hand to his cheek to caress it and he closes his eyes, leaning into my touch. "I was just in your head after all." 

Hoseok titters and nods. "Yeah." 

"And I know you've seen it but I don't want you to forget that I never stopped loving you. Not for a second." 

He nods. "I know. I won't forget." 

We look at each other and softly touch each other's cheeks and arms for a while, enjoying each other's presence. My heart hasn't been this happy in years, not since I left. No one makes me happy like he does. 

"This mind thing is really cool." Hoseok tells me, breaking the comfortable silence. "If it wasn't for this I think it would've taken me at least another month to forgive you." 

I smile widely and raise my head. "You forgive me?" 

He nods, smiling and I immediately pull him into a tight hug. I cry in his arms and after a while, he is comfortable enough to do the same. We eventually fall asleep like that, holding each other, like we hadn’t in way too long.

When I wake up, he is lying by my side, his arm under my neck, his mouth close to my ear, close enough I can feel his breath tickle my skin. He looks so peaceful. And I can't stop myself from reading his mind. It's not like he will find out.

_We are both naked, on a beautiful bed made of marble in a big and beautiful white room with white curtains and sunlight coming in through the windows. I'm on top of him, rubbing my cock against his thigh, kissing his neck, holding him down by his wrists. I'm rubbing my palm against the head of his cock as I have my other hand around his cock, twisting my wrist. He knows he can easily escape from my grip but he doesn't want to. He likes it when I take over as much as he does when he takes over._

_"You want me to ride you?" I whisper in his ear and he shudders. "Let me use you like a toy?"_

_He frees himself from my grip to grab me by the waist and flip us over so he's on top of me. He spreads my legs and pushes them down so my thighs are pressed against my chest. Then he pushes his cock inside of my hole and fucks into me hard, without pausing for a second for me to get used to the feeling._

_"Can a toy do this?" He whispers in my ear._

I watch him sleep as I read his mind, watching the scene of him fucking me mercilessly play out. I press my hand against his stomach to caress it and use the other to add pressure to my hardening cock. When I see him begin to open his eyes I stop reading his mind.

“Why do you like watching me sleep so much, huh?” He asks, his voice raspy and deep, his eyes still closed.

“You always sound so sexy when you wake up.” I whisper, ignoring his question. He knows what is in my mind so what harm does it do if I say what I think. "You know you can fuck me if you want, right?" I whisper, leaning closer to him but not too close. "I know you want to."

“You saw my dream?” He stares at my lips and smirks. "I told you not to read my mind." 

"I couldn't help it."

"No apology?" He asks. 

I shake my head. "No." 

He presses his hand to my waist and bites his lower lip when he notices I have my hand on my crotch, ogling my body from chest to crotch. "You got so buff." He runs his hand from my hips to my chest to my bicep and squeezes it. "Working out did wonders, huh?" 

I nod, biting my lower lip. "Wanted to look good for you." 

I raise my leg to press my knee against his crotch and find he is half hard so I smirk. 

"You're hard." I whisper. 

He licks his lips, pressing his free hand to my chest to run his hands over it, rubbing his palm against my nipples as he does. 

"I really wanna kiss you." I whisper, placing a hand on his hip, leaning close enough I can feel his breath on my skin. "Your dream looked so real." I breathe deeply and titter. "Got me all hot and bothered." I press my hand to his cheek and he closes his eyes, breathing deeply. "No one has ever fucked me like you did." I tell him. "No one makes me…" I can feel my cock quickly harden from the sexual tension between us, from looking at his lips, feeling his cock hardening against my knee. "Fuck…"

"Changkyunie…" 

"Hm?" I ask and press my knee softly against his crotch and he breathes deeply, pushing his hips forward. "Don't you miss my ass?" I ask. "Tight and needy for you?" 

He nods and I move my hand from his cheeks to his chest, to rub my palm against his nipples. 

I lean even closer and instead of kissing his lips, I leave a soft kiss on his ear. "Then fuck me." I whisper in his ear. 

But before he can answer, I hear the door being opened and Hoseok immediately sits up, turning to see who's at the door. 

"What are you doing?" Kihyun asks, standing there with his hand on the doorknob. "I thought you were making lunch? Did you just make ramen and rice?”

“That’s what we usually eat for lunch. And beef sometimes.” I tell him.

Kihyun scoffs. “You guys always want me to do everything." 

"I'm sorry." Hoseok says. "We were talking then we fell asleep." 

"Well, come help me, then."

"Yeah," Hoseok says with a soft smile. "I'll be right down." 

When Kihyun walks out the door, slamming it shut, there's an awkward silence between us, which is unusual for us.

"Are you going to say yes?" I ask. 

He shrugs. "I don't know." 

"You don't want to be with him." I tell him. "You wanna be with me." 

"I don't wanna hurt him. I know what it's like to have my heart broken, I don't want—" 

"You'll make it worse if you lie to him." I say. "You want him to date someone who isn't in love with him?" 

"I could be." Hoseok tells me. "Maybe if I date him I'll eventually fall in love."

"I tried that." I tell him. "And even though I loved him, I wasn't in love with him. And I wasn't happy because he wasn't you. You know that, you were just in my head. And I know you want to be with me, I was just in yours." 

He sighs. "I don't know if I'm ready to be with you, Changkyunie." 

"Why not? Don't you trust me? Even after you've seen what's in my head?" 

"I trust you. But… I don't know. I'm confused, okay?" 

I take his hand and look into his eyes, frowning. "We love each other. What's there to be confused about?" 

Hoseok takes a deep breath but doesn't answer me, he gets up and leaves. I lie back and groan, kicking my feet in the air and punching the mattress. 

Lunch is awkward, we don’t even say anything. Later on, we put on a movie and Kihyun keeps trying to get Hoseok’s attention, keeps cutting me off and being rude to me. I get tired of it, it’s just exhausting and I am still tired from the connection earlier so I go upstairs, taking some pills because of the pain in my arm and quickly fall asleep.

Later on, Jooheon shows up in my room calling me for dinner and I realize I slept for a long time. I feel relieved when he gets there, when I see him stand there with his beautiful smile. I get out of bed and run to him to give him a tight hug. I don’t have to say anything because our minds connect as soon as we hug. I hide the things Hoseok shared with me, not knowing I could even do that. 

It’s so good having this with him, such intimate connection, I don’t have to say anything, he quickly knows and comforts me, he can easily see how sad and upset I am because of Hoseok and Kihyun. He tells me it’ll all be okay without having to actually speak and we stand there hugging for a moment. 

We head downstairs with our arms on each other’s waist and I keep my head rested against his chest. The kids are already in bed and everybody in the dining room is already eating. Hoseok doesn't look at me when I arrive in the room, he keeps staring at his plate, quiet. Kihyun keeps looking between Hoseok and me but also keeps quiet. I keep quiet too. 

"What's up with you three?" Minhyuk asks with his mouth full, sauce dripping down his chin.

Hoseok shrugs and Kihyun sighs. 

"I don't know about them but… I'm good." It's a big lie. I'm devastated. Because there's a chance I might lose Hoseok to Kihyun.

"Well, why are you so quiet?" Minhyuk asks then grabs my wrist, the good one, thankfully, and suddenly we are connecting. I didn't know someone could start a connection without my permission like he just did but I guess I was distracted. I immediately pull away so he isn't touching me anymore but the seconds he had his hand on mine was enough for him to figure out what's going on. And for me to see a few things.

"Oh." Minhyuk says. 

"You can’t just do that!" I say, frowning. 

"You could've taken the wrong arm and hurt him." Hoseok says, frowning.

"Well, isn't that what he does with everyone? See what's in their head." Minhyuk asks. "And you know I can only do that because you trust me! And you were feeling intense emotions… Jooheon taught me these things, you know?" Jooheon and Minhyuk share a look like Jooheon is trying to curse with his eyes.

"You can only do that with people you trust?" Kihyun asks. 

"We think so." Jooheon tells me. "He tried it with the neighbor when she came over to bring a pan she borrowed." 

"You told Yujin about Changkyun?" Hoseok asks, wide-eyed. 

"Of course not." Jooheon replies. "We just told her to think of something that would make her feel strong emotions. That it was for a psychology project." 

"Changkyunie was willing to try it with a random person but I had to force him?" Minhyuk asks and scoff. "What if she found out and told someone? That could be dangerous." 

"Jooheon thought she wouldn't understand that she was in my head. She'd just think they were random thoughts." I explain.

"Well, you can't be sure that's it." Minhyuk says. "Maybe you just weren't focused." 

"He doesn't need to focus." Jooheon explains. "Just trust and feel. He only needs to focus to stop someone from doing it like you just did." 

"You shouldn't take advantage of my trust for you." I tell Minhyuk, pointing at him with my chopsticks. “This is so disrespefcul, hyung. I have never read your mind and God I did not need to know the things you and Jooheon were up to before you got here."

"I’m sorry. It was just quickly, I didn’t see much. I just wanted to know what was going on." Minhyuk explains, acting cute. 

I frown, narrowing my eyes and he shrugs, smiling shyly. “Don’t do it again, hyung." I tell him. "I told you I didn’t want to before.”

“I’m just happy to know you trust me.” Minhyuk says with a shy smile and it’s honestly so adorable. In his mind, I just saw him and Jooheon dropping Olivia and Namkyu with Kihyun then going to their car to have sex. I also noticed he didn’t get jealous when Jooheon went upstairs to see me because when Jooheon trusted him with the secret of what was in my mind, he felt like he trusted his husband completely.

"So since it’s all out in the open… Y’all really in a love triangle? Changkyun is really, really sad about this.”

“Hyung!” I call his name in protest.

“No but, really. Kihyun shouldn’t have started this thing and now you are back and he knows you two are still in love with each other, he asks Hoseok, who is not good at saying no or hurting people, to date him? Just so you don’t lose him to Changkyunie?”

“Is this a TV show? Nobody asked for a recap, Minhyuk.” Kihyun snaps and Minhyuk laughs. "I asked him to date me because I want to be with him." Kihyun says in almost a whisper. "It has nothing to do with Changkyun. But I still had to find him in bed with Changkyun so I guess that answers my question." 

"Hold up, you two had sex? I didn’t see that in your head." Minhyuk asks, sounding shocked. 

Hoseok sighs. "Because we didn't." 

"Can we talk about something else?" I asked. "Like the picture you posted of Olivia this afternoon. She was so cute in it!" 

Jooheon slaps me softly, frowning. "She is always cute!" 

"She woke up this morning saying she looked pretty and wanted me to take a picture." Minhyuk says, smiling. "She was so energetic today." 

"Probably why she fell asleep faster than Namkyu today." Kihyun says. "He always falls asleep first." 

"Well, he's always very energetic in school," Minhyuk says. "Usually way more than Oli." 

"I think that's because she talked to her uncle yesterday afternoon." Jooheon says, smiling. 

"Which uncle?" Hoseok asks curiously. 

"Hyunwoo. He called to talk to Namkyu and he asked to talk to Oli too." Minhyuk explains.

"Oh, that's why he was so happy last night." Hoseok says, raising his index finger.

"I know he's grieving." Kihyun begins. "But it's kind of a jerk move not to call his son for over five months." 

"Is he ever coming back?" I ask. 

"I don't know.” Minhyuk answers. “I mean, he wouldn’t leave his son for good. Or us.”

“Well, we thought the same about Changkyunie.” Kihyun says and I roll my eyes.

Minhyuk slaps Kihyun’s leg. “Quit it.”

When I am about to defend myself, the doorbell rings.

“Did you guys invite someone over for dinner?” Hoseok asks, standing up from his chair.

Everybody says they didn’t invite anyone so Hoseok leaves the room to go get the door.

“Hyunwoo!” Hoseok says loudly from outside the front door and we all get up from our seats to get to the door.

And there, Hyunwoo and Hyungwon stand. I hadn’t seen them in so long. Hyunwoo was the person who always looked out for me, always took care of me when Hoseok couldn’t, always listened when I needed it. Hyungwon was the same, my video game partner, a person who was so close to me it was like we were the same person. They greet me with open arms, taking turns to pull me into a tight hug and tell me how much they missed me.

“So, how long are you staying?” Minhyuk asks after we all greeted Hyunwoo and are standing in the living room.

Hyunwoo sighs. “Not long. I am leaving for Hong Kong soon.”

“Why?” I ask. 

“It’s his way of coping,” Hyungwon explains. “And this time he won’t let me come with.”

“Well, you are definitely not going alone.” Hoseok says. 

“Changkyunie should go with you.” Kihyun suggests. “He is rich or whatever.”

I roll my eyes and sigh. “You just wanna get rid of me so you can be with Hoseok.”

“Guys, I am going alone.” Hyunwoo says.

I softly grab Hyunwoo by the wrist so he looks at me. “Hyunwoo hyung, Namkyunie misses you every day. We all miss you.” He looks into my eyes and his gaze is intense. “Please, stay.”

“Okay.” Hyunwoo says immediately. The way he looks at me is odd like he is hypnotized so I immediately let go of his wrist and look away.

“What do you mean, okay?” Hyungwon asks, frowning. “I have been trying to convince you to come home for the last five months!”

Hyunwoo shrugs. “I’m gonna go see my son.” Hyunwoo says and disappears up the stairs.

“What did you do?” Hyungwon asks. “You do mind control too, now?” Hyungwon widen his eyes, hands on his hips and lips puckered.

I scoff. “I do not control minds. That is absurd.”

“I’d know if he did.” Jooheon says. “I am like his guru.”

I give him a soft punch on the arm and we smile at each other.

“Well, why would he decide to stay after saying no for so long?” Kihyun asks.

“Maybe he missed Namkyu.” Hoseok suggests. “And he knows how much the kid misses him.”

“I think so too.” Jooheon says.

Hyungwon sighs and turns around, walking straight to the kitchen and Minhyuk and Kihyun follow him. 

“So, I guess he is upset...” I say. “Is it about me?”

“I don’t think so.” Hoseok says. “Thank you for not reading his mind.”

“I am a polite mind reader now.” I say with a proud smile, raising my shoulder and resting my chin on it. “I do not read people’s mind without permission anymore.”

“You did it forty minutes ago when you read his mind while he was dreaming.” Jooheon says and I groan, punching his arm hard.

“Stop sharing what you see in my head!” I say and walk away to the dining room, stomping my feet.

I get weird looks from Kihyun throughout the dinner but that isn’t uncommon. Hyunwoo returns with his son in his arms then soon leaves with him again. After dinner, Kihyun and I are picked to clean up and the others go watch a movie.

“You are not good for him.” Kihyun tells me, scrubbing the dishes as I rinse them by his side.

I sigh. “He loves me.”

“If he had a choice in who he loves, he wouldn’t love you.”

“He would.” I tell him. “I know he would.”

“Why can’t you just let him go?” Kihyun asks. “He was so close to getting over you before you came back. He told me.”

“That’s what he said but not what he felt.”

He sighs. “When you left, I was the one who was there to pick up the pieces.“ He doesn’t hide in his tone how angry he is. “He was broken, he--”

“I will make up for it!” I say, loudly. “I will love him and cherish him like I did for six years!”

Kihyun scoffs and throws the plastic cup he was washing on the sink then grabs a cloth to clean the foam off his hand. “You think I’ll let you? Let him go back to you and risk being hurt again?” He asks, leveling to my tone.

“It is not your choice.” I say, like we are in a competition of who speaks louder. “It is his!”

“I won’t let you hurt him.” He yells. “Why can’t you just stay away from him?”

“Because I love him. Because he loves me too.” I say, lowering my voice. “He doesn’t love you, hyung.” I say in a regular tone this time. “Not like you love him.”

“But he could.” He says, lowering his voice too. “He could.”

“As long as I am here, he won’t.”

“Then leave. You are quite good at it.”

I shake my head and let out a breathy laugh. “I won’t ever leave his side again.”

“You are no good to him.”

“And you are? Taking advantage of his fragile states? Manipulating him into pretending he loves you?”

“I am not manipulating anyone.”

“You do realize you can’t lie to me, right?”

“Stay. Out. Of my head.” He says, locking his jaw.

“Stop manipulating Hoseok. You are the one who should stay away from him.”

“You stay away from him.”

“He doesn’t want me to. Mind reader remember? You on the other hand…”

He throws the cloth on the counter angrily, shaking his head. “Fuck you.”

When he tries to leave, I grab him by the wrist and he turns back around to face me, looking into my eyes. “Stop manipulating him. Leave him alone.”

Kihyun has the same weird gaze Hyunwoo had when he was looking at me earlier. “Okay.” Kihyun whispers.

“What?” I ask, immediately letting go of his wrist.

“I’ll leave him alone.” He says, turns around and leaves.

“Shit.” I whisper under my breath. 

I turn off the water, dry my hands with the cloth and run to the living room. I find Hoseok sitting on the couch, grab him by the arm and drag him up the stairs and to my room as he asks what is going on. I pace in front of him as he sits on the bed, watching me.

“Changkyunie, what is going on?” He asks.

“I think I fucked up big time.” I tell Hoseok.

“What did you do?”

I keep pacing around and he sits in silence, waiting patiently. I take a deep breath, trying to calm down then sit on the bed in front of him.

“Can I test something? On you?” I ask him.

“What? Like what?”

“Like mind thing stuff.”

He chortles. “Mind thing stuff?”

I nod. “I won’t do anything bad.”

“Okay.” He tells me. “Go ahead.”

“Okay, give me your wrist,” I tell him and he does as I ask. “Look into my eyes.” He does as I ask again. “Go to the bathroom, brush your teeth then tap the toothbrush on the sink three times.” 

“Okay.” He says and without asking any questions, he gets up and does as I said. And fuck, I am pretty sure I can not only read minds. I can control them.

Hoseok returns after doing exactly what I told him to and he sits down in front of me with a smile. “Now what is it you wanted to try?”

“Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit.” I look around, panicked. “Hyungwon hyung was right.”

“Right about what?”

“I grabbed Hyunwoo hyung by the arm and asked him to stay and he said he would. I did the same with Kihyun and asked him to leave you alone and he said he would--”

“You what?” He asks, frowning.

“Hyung, I didn’t mean to make him do it! I didn’t know I could do this thing and--”

“So you can control minds? For real?”

“I think I can! I just told you to brush your teeth and tap your toothbrush on the sink three times and you did it without question.”

“That’s why I did that?”

“I think so! Shit, I don’t want this. I don’t want to control anyone! I didn’t mean to--”

“Hey, calm down.” He whispers, moving closer to press one hand to my neck and the other to my cheek and his touch calms me down easily. “You can control this, okay? Just like you learned how to control everything else.”

“Hyung, I can’t. I can’t do it. I can’t do it.”

“Yes you can. You are a good man and I know you won’t use it to hurt anyone or take anyone’s freedom. I’ve seen your mind, remember?”

I chuckle, nodding. “Yeah… But Kihyun hyung--”

“What you did was good for him. He has liked me for a long time, way too long. I think he can finally move on now. You didn’t do anything wrong. Just try not to do it again. Be good.”

I nod, hard. “I’ll be good. I promise. I don’t want to hurt anyone, I-I--”

He interrupts me, by pressing his lips against mine. It isn’t a long kiss or a dirty kiss, it’s a quick and soft kiss, probably intended to calm me down. “Don’t overthink it.” He tells me, like he has so many times.

“I think that is one of the things you have said to me the most in our lives together.”

Hoseok shakes his head. “I think ‘I love you’ was it.”

I smile widely. “I love you.” I tell him.

He nods. “I know, Changkyunie. I do too.”

“And I am really sorry about Kihyun--”

“I said don’t overthink it, okay?”

“Okay.”

“Okay.”

“Can we keep this between us?” I ask.

“Of course.” I tell him. “Just don’t do anything that will make them figure it out.”

“I will be very careful.”

“Why don’t we go back downstairs, huh? Watch a movie, make sure you relax.”

“Why did you kiss me?” I ask. “Was it just to calm me down?”

He shrugs. “I guess that too.” 

“Was it just that?”

He shrugs and doesn’t answer.

“Can I kiss you, then?”

He smirks, gets up and takes my hand. “Let’s go watch the movie, yeah?”


	7. Hoseok's POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a bit of Hoseok's point of view

**HOSEOK’S POV**

**KAKAO TALK CHAT “KI ♥”**

**_HOSEOK_ **

_ Hey _

_ Get home okay? _

**_KIHYUN_ **

_ Hey _

_ Yeah, just lied down _

**_HOSEOK_ **

_ That’s good _

_ Are you okay? _

**_KIHYUN_ **

_ That’s an odd question _

_ You saw me an hour ago _

**_HOSEOK_ **

_ Yeah _

_ Sorry _

**_KIHYUN_ **

_ I’ll sleep now _

**_HOSEOK_ **

_ Good night _

**_KIHYUN_ **

_ :) _

Changkyun shows up in my bedroom just as I put down my phone. He is breathing heavily, standing by the door with a hand on the doorframe and an arched back. I get up immediately and run to him to stand by his side placing a hand on his back. “Changkyunie.” I say, bending down to try to look at his face. “Where does it hurt? What happened?”

“Hyung,” He sobs, then looks up at me. His face is wet with tears and snot, he looks the most devastated I have ever seen him. He stares at me but doesn’t say anything else.

When he looks away, I take his face between my hands to make him look at me and ask “What’s wrong? What happened?”

He sniffs and sobs but doesn’t reply. He keeps looking at me then stops to run the few feet between him and I. He hugs me tight which surprises me and after taking a moment to hug me, he jumps up in my arms, almost climbing me, wrapping his legs around my waist and burying his face on my collarbone. I place both hands on his behind to hold him up in my arms.

“Changkyunie,” I whisper, sliding one hand up and down his back and holding him up with the other. “What’s wrong? Does your head hurt?” I whisper.

Changkyun mumbles something but I can’t make out what he is saying with all his crying and sobbing. 

“Changkyunie where do you hurt? Please,” I whisper in his ear. “Please, tell me where it hurts.”

“Nothing hurts.” He whispers. “I’m okay, I just wanna hug you.”

I nod then kiss his cheek, again and again and again, saying to him in his ear that it’s okay, that I’m here, that I’ve got him, that it’s alright, as I caress his back. I assume nothing hurts physically, but it doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt at all. So I do that until he calms down.

When I feel like I am about to drop him because I have been holding him for too long, like he’s reading my mind (which he probably is), he gets down to stand in front of me, wiping his nose and cheeks with the back of his hand and looking anywhere but my eyes. “Sorry.” He whispers.

I cup his chin to make him raise his head and look into my eyes. “What happened, Changkyunie?”

He looks at me, just stands there looking, then pulls me into a hug again, resting his head on my shoulder and nuzzling my neck. “Please be alive and healthy for a long time.” He whispers in my ear. “Please.”

I wrap an arm around his waist and slide a hand up his back, his neck and caress his hair when I get to his head. “I will be here for a long time, Changkyun.”

He nods, gripping onto my back. “Promise?”

I pick him up again then get him on the bed and follow. We lie down side by side, facing each other. He buries his face on a pillow as he slides his hand up and down the duvet under him. I get closer, draping an arm over his waist, pressing our bodies together which gets his attention and he immediately looks into my eyes.

“Was it a bad dream?” I whisper, my hand going back to his head to run my fingers through his hair. 

He nods as a reply, eyes glued to mine. “Can we…” He places his hand on my jaw and starts caressing my cheek with his thumb, looking from my eyes to my lips. “I just…” He leans forward, takes a deep breath and nuzzles my nose then starts crying again. I bring him closer by the back of his head, making him rest his head on my chest.

“I got you,” I whisper and hold him, until he falls asleep.

I stay up for a while, making sure he is okay and doesn’t have bad dreams again. Because this wasn’t like last time, this was different. I have taken care of him after nightmares many times during our six years together but he usually wakes up spooked then goes right back to sleep. This had never happened before, not like this, which worries me and I struggle sleeping because I can’t stop thinking of the possibilities of dreams he could have had. 

When I wake up the next day, he is curled up by me, sleeping quietly, breathing slowly. He looks so peaceful and beautiful. I sit up, scooching closer to him then brush his hair off his forehead and begin running my fingers through his hair, watching him as he sleeps. 

I wish I could read his mind again, like we did yesterday. That felt so good, I felt so complete. I want to feel it again but I shouldn’t. I have been letting him get too close, I lose my sanity when I’m with him, when we are together, I don’t care about anything but being with him. I know I was in his head for that particular moment yesterday but I don’t know what new things could come up, he could change his mind about being here, he could change his mind about wanting to be with me, so I have to protect myself. So I will not get in his head anymore which means all I have left is to worry about him and wonder what dream could have gotten him so shaken up.

I sit there for a while, hesitant to leave him alone but eventually do, knowing he will sleep for at least another hour. I take a long warm shower then go downstairs to make some food. I make chicken porridge in the rice cooker and while the machine works, I sit down at the kitchen table with a small notepad and a pen, to pay my bills with my phone. 

I can’t stop thinking about Changkyun, about how he showed up last night, about what I saw in his head, his feelings for me, about my feelings for him, about how much I want to kiss him, to have him, to be with him, about the power he has over me, about how dangerous his powers can be, if the two dreams he has had were because of his powers, about so much. I can’t focus on paying the bills, I only realize that when I end up paying over a hundred thousand won extra for one of the bills so I leave it for later and text the only person who could ease my worries, who knows him just as well as I do.

**_KAKAO TALK PRIVATE CHAT “HONEY BEE ♥”_ **

**_HOSEOK_ **

_ Morning _

**_JOOHEON_ **

_ Morning, hyung _

_ Oli has a friend over _

_ Isn’t that cute? _

**_HOSEOK_ **

_ That’s really cute haha _

_ Send pictures _

**_JOOHEON_ **

_ I will send hundreds _

_ Everything okay? _

**_HOSEOK_ **

_ Yeah _

_ I’m just worried about Changkyun _

_ He had another nightmare  _

_ But it was different from the other day _

_ He was really scared _

_ Crying and shaking _

**_JOOHEON_ **

_ Really? _

_ Did he tell you what it was about? _

**_HOSEOK_ **

_ No, he didn’t _

_ I was going to ask when he woke up _

**_JOOHEON_ **

_ Then ask him _

**_HOSEOK_ **

_ I am scared to _

_ The other day, when I asked _

_ He didn’t want to talk about it _

_ I don’t want to upset him _

**_JOOHEON_ **

_ Hyung, it’s a sensitive subject _

_ The stuff with that man was awful _

_ You saw it, when you were in his head _

_ Those disgusting memories are hurtful, disturbing and traumatizing enough to see in my head let alone live it _

**_HOSEOK_ **

_ I know and I want to kill that guy for it _

_ I can’t even talk about it without wanting to do something to that man that will get me in trouble _

_ but this seems different _

_ He seemed way more shaken up _

**_JOOHEON_ **

_ Maybe it was a worse dream _

**_HOSEOK_ **

_ No, it wasn’t _

_ I am sure you saw that that one of the time that man hit changkyun with the bottle is the worst memory he has of him _

_ And that is the dream he always has _

_ I think it’s something else _

**_JOOHEON_ **

_ I didn’t see anything last night when we connected _

_ The only thing different was stress because of his new powers _

**_HOSEOK_ **

_ You think it could be about that? _

**_JOOHEON_ **

_ I don’t know _

_ He is just afraid of hurting people _

**_HOSEOK_ **

_ I think he is afraid of hurting me _

_ Last night he asked me to stay alive _

**_JOOHEON_ **

_ Why would he hurt you? How would he hurt you? _

**_HOSEOK_ **

_ I don’t know _

**_JOOHEON_ **

_ You can connect him without him knowing, you know? _

_ He trusts you more than me, you could probably do it even if he was focused _

**_HOSEOK_ **

_ Thanks for the tip _

**_JOOHEON_ **

_ Yell if you need help _

**_HOSEOK_ **

_ I will _

_ Tell Olivia I love her _

**_JOOHEON_ **

_ What about me? :( _

**_HOSEOK_ **

_ I love you! _

I put down my phone and sigh deeply staring out the window. For a second I think I see someone looking at me from the second floor of the building across from my house. I have gone through this before, see people looking at me, at my apartment, my workplace. I didn’t see anything for a long time, maybe because I was distracted by the sadness I felt from Changkyun leaving. Maybe now Changkyun is back, the people I see are too. I should see my doctor. 

You know you love someone deeply when the simple noise of his footsteps approaching make your heart beat faster. I have seen the scene that plays out right now a hundred times: Changkyun walking in the kitchen with an oversized hoodie and nothing else, yawning and stretching dramatically before going straight to the rice cooker with his eyes closed, clumsily grabbing utensils to eat with then to the fridge to grab a glass of milk. 

"Morning." Changkyun says, sitting down in front of me with a bowl of chicken porridge then yawning. 

"Morning." I reply, looking at him as he looks at the bowl. He grabs his phone from his pockets and starts playing games. I stare at him eating and playing on his phone for a moment then grab my own phone and go back to paying the bills. 

So here we are, sitting at the kitchen table together, Changkyun quietly eating across from me, playing on his phone, as I pay this month’s bills with the bank app on my phone. It’s something we have done a million times when we lived together. It’s one of those moments I feel like nothing ever changed, like we have gone back in time. Those moments I have to remind myself we haven't. The fact that he has crazy powers, crazy dreams and I am worried like crazy about him, are things that should remind me things have changed.

I look up at him from time to time and he catches me on the act a few times, smiling then looking down at his phone again. I keep trying to stop myself from worrying about him but it's impossible. 

Once I am done paying the bills, I put down my phone and the pen I had been using. I look at him for a moment, his eyes glued to the phone open wide. Sometimes I look at him like this and I think of how precious he is. I wish I could protect him from all the bad things in the world. 

"Did you talk to Kihyun hyung?” Changkyun asks with his mouth full, looking up from his phone and putting it down. 

“I texted him last night,” I reply. 

“Is he okay? After… ” Changkyun is looking at me with his eyes open wide, furrowed eyebrows, looking a lot like a sad puppy.

“I don’t know. He was… vague. I mean, he didn't say he loves me like he always does but… ” I sigh. “What exactly did you tell him?”

Changkyun sighs. “To… stop manipulating you.” He looks away from me like he is embarrassed and puts down his spoon. “To leave you alone or something like that?”

“Something like that?” I ask, raising my eyebrows. “What exactly did you say? Tell me the exact words.” I say calmly. 

He sighs again, nodding. “I said ‘Stop manipulating him. Leave him alone.’ And he just said ‘okay’.”

“Well, what does leaving me alone entail of? Will he leave me alone for good? Just romantically? Because he is my friend. I don’t wanna lose him.”

“S-should I do it again? I-I-I should tell him to...not leave you alone, should I?”

I shake my head. “Don’t,” I tell him. “We don’t know how this works. Whatever order you give him could be twisted by his mind and I could lose him for good.”

“You think my orders are obeyed not like I say it but like they are interpreted?” 

“I don’t know. We’ll have to see by how he acts around me. I don’t think you can be vague about your orders. I think it could be dangerous if you are.”

“Babe, I didn’t even know what I was doing.”

For a second I think of reprimanding him for calling me babe, try to put up a harsh attitude, pretend I don’t love him but he knows what is in my head, I don’t have to pretend anything anymore. I also don't wanna upset him or go hard on him, I'm worried I'll hurt him even more, he has been hurt enough. And also, I really like it when he calls me ‘baby’ so I don’t say anything. 

We are quiet for another moment. I want to ask what happened so bad, I'm so worried. I should ask. He never tells me about things like this unless I get it out of him. “Last night you--”

“Don’t want to talk about it.” He cuts me off immediately, grabbing his phone again.

“Changkyunie…”

He sighs. “It was nothing. Just one of those crazy dreams, okay? It wasn’t about him. You don’t have to--” He pauses then raises his head to look at me and gives me a small smile. “I’ll let you know, if I’m not okay.”

“I know you won’t.” I whisper. “I know I always have to get this kind of thing out of you. Did you forget how well I know you?”

"Hoseok—" 

"Changkyun." I interrupt him with authority in my tone and he just looks down and nods. 

He sighs. “Fine.” He puts down his phone and his spoon then sighs once again. “It’s about my powers.” He tells me.

I reach out for his hand and take it. “What about it, babe?” I ask him in almost a whine and he blushes, trying to hide his smile then takes a deep breath, closing his eyes. I have to stop calling him babe. But he's upset so just for now. 

“It's just… After last night, with Kihyun and Hyunwoo, I…” He sighs. “I was really freaked out, hyung.” He whispers, looking right into my eyes. “It was… hyung, it was so so so real.” His eyes begin to fill with tears, he sniffs and wipes his eyes with the sleeves of his hoodie. “I felt… I feel… I feel dangerous, hyung. I don’t want to hurt anyone with this thing. I don’t wanna hurt y--”

“You won’t.” I reply quickly, squeezing his hand. “You wouldn’t hurt a soul. I know it. I know you better than anyone, Changkyunie.”

He shakes his head and as he does, he keeps trying to wipe the tears away but they won’t stop coming. “You don’t know that. I could--"

“You wouldn’t.” I take both his arms by the wrists and pull them down then grab a napkin and start wiping his tears. “You won’t.” I tell him, looking right into his eyes. “Ever.”

“I did.” He whispers.

“What?” I ask, my hand goes still in front of his cheeks. “Who?”

“You. In my dream, I hurt you.” He tells me then relieved, I keep wiping the tears that stream down his face. “We had a fight and I told you things and then I hurt you, badly, hyung. It was awful. The dream felt so real.”

I put down the napkin then take his other hand and squeeze both hands very tightly. “It wasn’t real.” I say, firmly. 

“What if-”

“It won’t be—*

“Hyung, this shit is so fucking confusing!" He cries out with teary eyes. "I-I have no idea what the  _ fuck  _ I am doing or how the  _ fuck  _ I even have these weird gifts. There is mind reading, there is this connection shit, mind control and the most fucking realistic dreams. I mean, did the doctor spread spoiled fairy dust in my brain or something?”

I rub the back of his hands with my thumbs and give him a sympathetic smile. His frown disappears and he smiles too. “You-- _ We _ will figure it out, okay? You won't hurt anyone, no one will hurt you, I will protect you. And you'll protect me. Okay?"

He blinks, two last tears dropping down each of his eyes. He looks at me for a moment then nods and squeezes my hands, a small smile on his face. 

"I've always taken care of you, haven't I?" I ask and he nods. "Then don't worry. We always figure things out, don't we?" 

"And us?" He asks, sneezing and wiping his nose and eyes with his sleeves. "Have we figured that out yet?" 

"You…” I sigh. “We are working on it." I reply then smile at him, scrunching my nose and letting go of his hands. He looks into my eyes for a while and his hands lingers where ours were on top of the table. 

Changkyun looks down at his congee, smiling shyly. We stay in silence for a moment, he eats slowly and I watch him. It’s something I did a lot before he left, to watch him as he ate, since I usually woke up first and ate before him. He used to yell at me most days for eating breakfast without him when we first moved in together but then it became just a thing we did.

“I’m sorry--”

“No reason to be.”

“Hyung…”

“No reason to be sorry, Changkyunie.”

Changkyun nods and smiles, filling his mouth with the last spoon of porridge. “It’s weird how things feel like old times so easily.” He says as he finishes his food then takes a sip of his milk. 

I smile, nodding. “It’s weird.”

“I was thinking… since Namkyu is with his dad and well, he doesn't need us to… Well, are you free today?” 

I shrug. “Just have to stop by the pharmacy to refill your meds.”

“Right! Can I come with?”

I frown and sigh. “Kyunie, you are still recovering…”

“Yeah, but I’m okay to go on a short trip to the pharmacy.” He tells me, showing me those stupid sad puppy eyes. 

“Kyunie…”

“I haven’t been outside for weeks, come on. Isn’t it healthy to go out into the sun? Vitamin B or whatever?”

I take a deep breath and chuckle. “Vitamin D. Don't play dumb, silly." I give him a soft smack on the chest and he playfully groans. 

“I'm not! I know I'm for sure low on that sunshine. Do you want me to be low on vitamins, babe? Come on…”

I roll my eyes playfully. "I'll think about it…" 

He pouts and scowls. "Think about it? I want to go now…" He whines and it's so cute, just like Namkyu and Olivia. 

I squeeze his cheeks and he smiles when I do, then I nuzzle his nose for a short moment. "Okay." I whisper, my face very close to his. "Go get dressed.”

He looks into my eyes, then my lips then back to my eyes then sits back on his chair and cheers, clapping his hands. He gets up to go up to his room, giving me a quick kiss on the cheek on his way out of the kitchen and I feel stupid for blushing because of such simple gesture. I touch the spot he kissed like an idiot for a long moment before I get up to clean up the kitchen. 

Once I am done cleaning up, I go outside to throw out the trash. I once again feel like I see someone up on the building across the street and I question my sanity. When I get back to the kitchen Changkyun is standing by the kitchen door, smiling, that familiar smile that gets me weak on my knees. He looks so good. He is wearing makeup (because Changkyun never goes out without foundation since he hates his acne scars [I find them cute, though]), his lips look red and kissable from lip tint and he has on light gray eyeshadow. He is wearing tight black jeans, one of my shirts that I once stole from him that says ‘all in this together’ with faded letters around it saying ‘saints’ faded. 

“You look good.” I tell him, smirking. “Wearing my shirt now, are we?”

“Your shirt?” He asks and scoffs. “This is  _ my _ shirt. I got it for free when that cashier spilled water on my phone, remember?”

“I remember.” I tell him and bite my lip involuntarily. He looks so fucking hot. Especially in my shirt, that is his. “Let’s go, then?” I ask and he nods with excitement.

Once we are out in the driveway, he begs me to let him drive but I refuse. We don’t know when a new power could come up or if his head would start hurting badly. And I know I probably worry too much but I just want him to be okay. 

We sing some of our favorite songs on our way to the pharmacy. Everything feels so familiar, so comfortable, so right and it’s so easy being around him. I have never felt like this with anyone else and I had missed it so much. I had missed  _ him _ . 

After we leave the pharmacy he insists on going to the supermarket across the street. There, we get some food first, a few unhealthy ones as well as healthy ones. A little bit of unhealthiness is healthy. Once we get all the food, we walk around the supermarket aimlessly and when we get to the hair product section, he throws all kinds of shampoo and conditioner in the cart, saying bleach destroyed his hair, then follows by getting deodorant, soap, way too many things, things we already have at home and do not need.

“Changkyunie, you are buying too many things,” I tell him, getting the soap bars he put in the cart out of it. “We already have too much soap at home.”

“Yeah but these are vervain scented. It’s delicious. You only have baby soap.”

“Well, it smells good. And it’s good for my skin. You know I have very sensitive skin.”

Changkyun smiles then pinches my cheeks. “You are so cute.” He says then grabs the soap bars from my hands and throws them back in the cart, gracefully walking away after. I roll my eyes then follow him with the cart to the home utensils section. 

Changkyun and I used to have this big mug collection, superhero mugs, anime mugs, tacky quotes mugs, animal mugs and many others. We used to plan on bringing home one mug from every place we visited in the world. Which is why he gets overly excited when he sees a big section of mugs, pointing at a couple of cheesy matching mugs with a big smile.

“Babe~” He whines, smiling. “They are so cute!”

He looks so cute getting excited over mugs like he used to every time we found them at stores. When he talks about the mugs, I really wanna say something cheesy but I hesitate. For some reasons I have been hesitant many times since he got here, even after we connected. But I don’t want to be. “ _ You  _ are cute.” I tell him, smirking.

He grabs the mugs then turns around to look at me with a wide smile. “Shut up.” He says and I notice his ears and cheeks turn red so I smile proudly.

After placing the mugs in the cart, he takes the cart handle with one hand and takes my hand with the other and we walk down the aisles in a comfortable silence.

“I was thinking we could stop by the park before we go home.” Changkyun suggests once we are in line to pay for our groceries. “Sit on the swings, shove our boots in the snow… like we used to.”

"It's spring." 

"Hey, it’s not spring yet and I'm sure there's still some snow. It sure feels as cold as it does when there is." 

“Changkyunie…”

He squeezes my hand and gives me a reassuring smile. “Don’t worry about me.”

“I will worry even if you ask me not to.” I tell him. “You didn’t get your appendix removed, Changkyunie. You had brain surgery.” I want to mention his powers, that he has to be careful if new ones ressurge, but he's already freaked out by it enough, I don't want to worry him any further. Or remind him of his dreams.

“Hyung, I know. I watched the surgery from the doctor’s  _ mind _ , remember?” He tilts his head and sighs. “I promise to tell you if I don’t feel well, okay?”

"You never tell me when you don't feel well, Changkyunie." 

"I know but only when I don't wanna worry you. I promise to tell you this time, I promise, please, please, hyung, I'll be good." 

I take a moment to think, crossing my arms then nod, narrowing my eyes and pursing my lips. 

“Yay!” Changkyun cheers and gives me a kiss on the cheek. And I blush again. Why the fuck am I blushing? He has had his lips on my ass and I am blushing for having them on my cheek? What is going on with me? “You are paying by the way.” He tells me.

I raise my eyebrows and let out a breathy laugh. “You said  _ you _ were paying!”

“Don’t wanna.” He sings childishly. 

“What? You’re rich! I’ve been paying for everything since you got here.”

“You are the host!”

“Host? You have spent more time in that house than your own!”

He pouts and crosses his arms. “You don’t wanna pay for my groceries.” He whines. 

“It’s not that… you just said you would…”

He comes closer to me, links his arm with mine and rests his head on my shoulder. “My money will be yours and yours will be mine one day, anyway. It doesn’t matter who pays.”

I chuckle but don’t say anything.

“Excuse me.” A voice comes from behind us and when we turn around we see there are three young girls standing there with big smiles, their eyes showing great excitement. “Can we take a picture with you?”

I am confused for a second but then I remember Changkyun is famous. I forget it sometimes, that the whole country and many people all over the world know who he is.

“Oppa, can you take a picture of the four of us?” One of the girls asks me after the three girls took individual pictures with Changkyun. I nod and smile, taking the phone from her hand to take the picture. Fame is funny. I never understood the need to take pictures with celebrities. I hand the phone back to the girl and she bows politely then thanks me.

“We were so worried about you, oppa.” Another one of the girls says to Changkyun. “You look so good. I am so glad you are doing better.”

Changkyun smiles and nods. “Thank you, girls.”

“Is this your friend? The one you were looking for?” The third girl asks.

“Yeah. I’m staying at his place until I get better.” Changkyun explains. 

“Please take good care of Changkyun oppa.” The first girl tells me. “He is precious to us all.” I nod in reply and they smile widely then wave and leave. 

“You get that a lot?” I ask Changkyun as he links his arm with mine once more.

He nods and gives me a weak smile that does not seem genuine, his expression showing there is something wrong.. 

“You okay?” I ask and he nods.

“This line is just way too long. Should we--”

“What’s going on?" I ask, pressing a hand to his shoulder and looking into his eyes. "Are you thinking about the dream? Baby, I told you—" 

"It's not that." He says and sighs. “When they saw us… I had just kissed your cheek…”

“Is that a problem?” I ask, frowning. “It’s not like you are in the closet or anything. We've never really been like most Korean couples, have we? We usually do this-- ”

“That's not it either, Seok. My fiance died five months ago. They will think I am moving on already and there will be so much drama online. I am dealing with too much to deal with that too.”

“So… you are not moving on?” I wonder out loud. Maybe what I saw in his head was just what he wanted me to see. Maybe he is in love with that other guy even if he was a jerk.

“What? No, Seok, no. The media thinks I am a grieving widower but I have nothing to move on from. I never loved him like that. I just liked the attention he gave me and I loved him as a friend. How could I move on from him if I never moved on from you?”

I try to hide my smile but fail miserably and when I try to look away to hide it, he presses his hand to my cheek to keep my head where it is and my eyes on his. He smiles at me and nuzzles my nose then pulls away, resting his head on my shoulder again.

It takes a while for us to get out of that supermarket since the line is huge and the place is so full but seeing how excited Changkyun gets by the things we buy, listening to the stories he tells me and seeing him so excited to be out of the house makes the half-hour we stand there worth it, especially because of the kisses he gives me on the cheek here and there. 

We load the bags in the car then drive to the park in silence, stealing glances and smiling at each other. In moments like this, it feels like worries don't exist. 

In summer, the park a few blocks from my house is always full of kids playing, people walking their dogs, jogging, straight couples having dates... when it's cold, the park is always completely empty. That’s when Changkyun and I liked coming here, to swing in silence and shove our rain boots in the snow. And here we are again, sitting on the swings, swinging back and forth in silence, holding hands, like no time passed at all but since there's no snow, we just play with the grass under us, scraping the tip of our shoes over it as we swing. 

“It’s funny how when you connect your whole mind with someone, you have nothing else to talk about.” Changkyun whispers, smiling as he looks at our hands holding each other between our swings. 

I chuckle. “You can tell me things even if I already know.”

He looks at me and smiles, staring at me for a while then looking away. "I'm sorry." He tells me. "About leaving." I hum, acknowledging his words. "About coming back with these crazy powers about… I wish I had never left."

"You have a good life now. I'm sure it was worth it. And these powers aren't your fault." 

"I just wish I could have had a good life with you." He whispers and begins caressing the back of my hand. "Life would've been less painful for us both if we were never apart." 

"Changkyunie, we are still young and… and it's like my mom used to say 'the past is in the past and the future is ours to play with.'" I say, making a funny voice when I quote my mother and Changkyun laughs softly. “I am not sure it’s her original quote, though, but…”

"I wish I could have spent more time with her." He says and sighs, rubbing his shoes together and looking at the floor. "Gosh, I loved her so much." 

"She loved you too, Changkyunie. She talked about you all the time." 

"I keep thinking of all the things I could've had if I hadn't left. How none of the money, the fame, none of it was ever worth losing my family. Maybe I wouldn't even have these powers and maybe, maybe we could have been together… I can't believe I was so stupid to ever believe--" 

"Hey." I let go of his hand and twist the swing chains so I am facing his side so he does the same to face me. "My little overthinker," I say, smiling and ruffle his hair. He chuckles and leans into my hand then smiles widely when I pull away, his cheeks pink from the cold. "Don’t be so hard on yourself, uh? We never know what could have happened but we know what we can make happen. It’s in the past. I'm tired of overthinking the past, I'm worried about now. Worried if you're safe and happy.”

“Then why aren’t we together now?” He asks, looking down at my lips. “I know you want to. I don’t know why you won’t.”

“You don’t know because I don’t know either.” I sigh. “I am confused about this. I just need time to sort things out in my head. As you know, it’s a bit of a mess in there.”

“Hyung,” He smiles widely and takes my hands. “Your mind is beautiful.”

I squeeze his hands and lean forward, bringing the swing along to nuzzle his nose then let go of his hands as I raise my feet and the swing spins and goes back to facing forward.

We remain in silence for a moment, swinging and playing with the grass below our feet.

“By the way, don't sleep so late tonight.” I tell him. “No playing street fire until 2 in the morning like yesterday.”

Changkyun laughs and looks at me. “It’s free fire, old man.”

“I am three years older than you, you idiot.” I kick him softly and he chuckles, softly kicking me back with a small smile. 

Then there is that moment of silence, one of those moments you look around and all you can think is right then, like when you are on a trip and you take in your surroundings and the people around you. At this moment, my heart is overflowing with love and the feeling of Changkyun’s hand on mine adds to it.

“Hm, I have a doctor’s appointment on Monday.” Changkyun tells me. “Can you drive me?”

“What do you mean drive you?” I ask and scoff. “I am taking you, I’m your bo--I’m your friend. I… I take care of my friends…" God, I'm such an idiot. 

Changkyun chortles. “Were you just about to say ‘boyfriend’?”

“No…”

“You so were!”

“I was not…”

Changkyun smiles, nodding. “Sure.”

“You are so annoying.”

“Yet you dated me for six years…”

I shake my head and scoff. “You are so...bad…”

“Well, you can’t pretend you don’t love it.” He tells me. “I have been in your head, remember?”

“Sometimes I wanna punch you.”

“Punch me with your lips...bro…”

I let out a breathy laugh and smile. “Bro?”

“I was trying to be smooth… I don’t usually have to flirt.”

“Just treat me like shit like when we first met, I think that will do.”

He tiptoes closer to me and nudges me. “Shut up.”

After a while, we get too cold sitting there in the park so we run into the restaurant across the street. I feel bad for warming up there and not buying food so I buy us lunch, even though there is leftover dinner from the night before in our fridge. Shit, I said ‘our fridge’. I mean my fridge. My house and my fridge. 

After waiting for our food for too long, Changkyun tells me he is getting tired so I ask them to pack the food to go and soon we are home, having lunch. 

After lunch, we both decide to take a nap after eating so much. Changkyun says he feels like his stomach will explode from all the things he ate, I don’t feel like that, though, my stomach, weirdly, is never full. We go take our nap in my bedroom and hold each other tightly in bed. Changkyun falls asleep quickly, I take a bit longer

When I wake up, Changkyun isn’t there and I am awoken by the sound of moaning. I check the time on the clock hung up by the door. I slept for over two hours, which is unusual in the afternoon. The moans get louder, they sound like someone in pain, or at least that is what my sleepy self tells me. Changkyun is in recovery, he just had brain surgery, there is a chance he might have fallen and gotten hurt and is now calling for help. So I run to his bedroom but when I get there I find the moans are not the kind of moans I thought they were.

The door of Changkyun’s room is wide open, he is on the floor, facing away from the door. He is completely naked, riding a big pink dildo that is stuck to the ground. My box of sex toys, which used to be ours, is lying open by his side, there’s a bottle of lube on the floor and some of it has spread on the box. 

I hear something vibrate and realize Changkyun has a vibrator on his hand, pressed against the head of his cock. I used to use that vibrator on him all the time, just like that, to edge him until he begged me to come. I know it drives him crazy, makes him squirm like he is doing now. 

And I can’t move, I am frozen in place, watching him fuck himself, moan, whine and it’s fucking beautiful. Fuck, I miss him. I just wanna grab him and fuck him until he can’t speak. And why don’t I? Because he hurt me? Because he left? Because of his crazy powers? I know he doesn’t plan on leaving me. I know he doesn’t plan on hurting me. But that could change. He could still hurt me physically and emotionally. But I love him more than I love me. Even though I wish I didn’t, I do. My mind is so confused but seeing him like this makes me stop thinking completely. 

I feel my cock harden from watching him, he looks so sexy, I haven’t seen him like this in so long. I press my hand against my crotch, adding some much needed pressure to it then lean my back against the wall by the door. But when I do, I accidentally press my back against the light switch and the room goes darker, not completely because light comes in from the doors and the curtains. Changkyun immediately turns off the vibrator, raises his hips off the dildo and gets on his knees on the floor.

“Seok?” Changkyun calls but I don’t say anything. 

I realize I am breathing heavily and my cock is fully hard. Changkyun turns around to face me and I let out a breathy moan when I see him. His cock is leaking against his stomach, his stomach is a mess of cum and sweat which makes me think he has been at this for a while, his hair is messy, slicked to his forehead with sweat, he looks beautiful.

“I’m sorry.” I tell him, immediately removing my hand from my crotch. “I’ll go.” 

But when I turn around to leave the room Changkyun whispers softly: “Don’t go.” So I turn back around to face him immediately. “It’s okay.” 

I nod and gulp but don’t say anything.

“You are hard.” He says, looking at my crotch.

I cover my crotch with my two hands and I try to take off of him but it feels impossible.

“Can I help?” He asks, his voice low and raspy. So fucking sexy.

“Changkyunie…”

“It doesn’t have to mean anything.” He says, crawling towards me. “We can just have fun. I'll wait for when you're ready to be together, it doesn't have to mean anything.” He tells me and kneels right in front of me, my eyes going from his cock to his beautiful mouth. 

“It always means something when it comes to us.” I whisper as I run my fingers through the sides of his hair.

He presses his hands to my thighs to caress them then grins. “Don’t overthink it.” He tells me. “You told me that many times, haven't you?” He asks as he begins to unbutton my pants and I nod. “So don’t overthink it.”

Changkyun unzips my pants and pulls them down, leaving me in my black boxer briefs. He stares at my cock, hard, trapped under my underwear, then leans closer to mouth at the head then the shaft. “Fuck, I missed your cock.” He whispers, pressing his palm against my balls and softly squeezing them. He takes his sweet time, mouthing at my cock over my underwear, pressing soft kisses to my abs, under my belly button, caressing my thighs and hips and breathing in my scent as he does. He pulls down my underwear and my cock springs free then he licks his lips as he stares at it. “Can you fuck my mouth?” 

“I don’t wanna hurt you.” I whisper.

He shakes his head then looks into my eyes. “You won’t.”

“Changkyunie--” Before I can argue, he takes my cock in his mouth all at once, his nose touching the base of my cock as he laps his tongue over it. “Fuck.” I moan, pressing my hands to the back of his head. The feeling of the head of my cock against the back of his throat is like no other, it drives me crazy. He fondles my balls and I moan lowly in response. He caresses my sides as he bobs his head and I look into his eyes and he looks into mine. Everything feels so intense but it’s perfect, he takes my cock in his mouth so well, so beautifully. 

“I’m gonna come.” I tell Changkyun, patting the back of his head and he pulls away, smirking. He rubs his fist against the corner of his mouth to wipe the spit off it then begins to leave soft kisses on my waist and crotch. “Fuck, you are too good at this.”

“I know.” He says, smirking. “You have told me many times.”

I get on my knees in front of him and press my palms to his cheeks, caressing his jaw with my thumb. I look into his eyes, caressing the side of his arm with my other hand, taking in his beauty and the details of his face even though I know every inch of it, I know every inch of his body. I look and look and then smile at him. “I love you so much.” I tell him. “Fuck, Changkyunie.” I whisper and lean closer to brush my lips over his cheeks then his ears which makes him shiver. “You drive me crazy.” I nibble at his ear then lick and suck it and all his smugness from before melts away when he lets out a small whine. “You are everything.”

He wraps his arms around my neck and pulls me closer with a bit of a struggle. Our bodies and cocks flush together and we moan in each other’s ear. “Fuck me.” He whispers.

I bite his ear then his jaw and give him soft kisses from there to his lips. And we finally kiss. Spending four years without kissing the love of your life should not be legal. I didn’t know how much I needed his lips against mine until I am kissing him again. Everything feels perfect, it all fits like it never has with anyone else, like it used to, his tongue massaging mine, licking my lips, his teeth biting my lips, his mouth as eager for mine as mine is for his. As we kiss, he grinds his hips, our cocks rubbing together and we softly moan into the kisse.

When Changkyun pulls away from the kiss and I feel his body leave mine, I groan. Then I open my eyes to find him lying on the floor with his legs spread open. I can clearly see how stretched he is and my cock twitches at the sight. “Fuck me.” He whispers, looking into my eyes and I nod, dumbfounded by his beauty.

I get on top of him, hands by his shoulders, on my knees behind his thighs, then press my lips to his, kissing him slowly. He wraps his arms around my neck and legs around my waist, whining into the kiss, clawing at the nape of my neck. I reach for the lube that has been forgotten on the lid of the sex toy box then take his hand to spread it on it. I wrap my hand around my cock, moving it up and down as I look into Changkyun’s eyes. 

"You're fucking beautiful." He whispers then leans in to take my lower lip between his teeth and suck it hard. He sticks his tongue out and I take it in my mouth, sucking it hard, moaning into the kiss. "I'll never let you go." He whispers, brushing his lips against mine. "Ever." 

I nod, mouth hanging open, letting out soft moans. I unwrap my hand from my cock and clean my lube slicked hands on his chest as he lies back down. "You think you'll just lie there like that?" I whisper with a smirk. "You better work to get me back." 

Changkyun chuckles. sitting up. "Oh, I'll work as hard as you want me to." He says then pushes me hard so I'm lying on my back on the floor. He gets on top of me, sitting on top of my cock and I feel the warmth of the crack of his ass over it as he grinds his hips, rubbing his ass against my cock. He runs his hands from my abs to my chest then plays with my nipples with his thumb and I moan lowly. "I love how sensitive you are." Changkyun whispers, grinning. "Fuck, your body looks fantastic." He leans down to take one nipple in his mouth and presses his hands to my abs, caressing them as I moan against his lips. 

As he kisses me, he raises his hips and wraps two fingers around my cock, aligning the tip to his loosened hole. He sinks down on my cock and starts moving his hips up and down. 

Suddenly, it feels like we are in another world, our minds connect, we moan each other's names and hold on to each other as he moves his hips at a fast pace. That feeling of peace and ease takes over and so does pleasure. It's like at the same time I feel him around my cock, I can feel what he feels having my cock inside him. He sits up on my cock, pressing his hand to my chest and moans loudly. 

"Fuck." I don't know if I hear him say it or I hear him think it. He begins moving his hips up and down and I hold him by the hips to give him balance. The feeling of having our minds connected while he rides my cock so beautifully it's like nothing I've ever felt before. It's overwhelming. 

I sit up, wrapping my arms around his waist and he wraps his legs around my waist and arms around my neck. I press my lips to his in a messy and wet kiss as he moves his hips up and down, fucking himself on my cock. 

"I love you." I hear his voice in my mind as we kiss. "I love you more than anything." 

I feel all his love in my mind and heart. He lets his head fall back and mouth agape and I attach my neck to his lips to leave open-mouthed kisses there. 

"Hyung…" He moans and when he ceases the movement of his hips, I move mine, fucking into his ass as fast as I can. He seems tired, probably from exhausting his legs and connecting our minds at the same time, his body falls limp on top of mine and I hold him as I fuck him and be breathes heavily against my ear. 

He cries in my ear before biting hard on my shoulder as he digs his nails into my lower back. And I feel every single thing he feels, his tiredness, his pleasure, the feeling of something like electricity run through his whole body from having his prostate being stimulated by my cock over and over. It's like we are one person, connected completely. 

I move my hips faster when I feel my orgasm building then I come inside him, fucking him through my orgasm. As I come I wrap one hand around his cock and with a few tugs he comes between our bodies. 

He breathes heavily, hot breath tickling the skin of my shoulder. I hold him tight and leave soft kisses on his shoulder. I know he's tired, I can see it in his mind so I get on my feet, holding him in my arms then lie him down on the bed, pulling my cock out of him in the process. I leave a soft kiss on his lips then go to the bathroom to grab a towel and clean him up. Once our bodies separate, the mental connection stops and it feels like something is missing when it does. 

After I get a wet towel from the bathroom, I get to the bed and clean up his chest then spread his legs to clean the come off his ass. I clean myself up then lie by his side, leaving soft kisses on his cheek. 

"Your nose is bleeding." I tell him, wiping the blood above his cupid's bow with my thumb. "You can't do this connection thing for too long, you know that." 

"I don't know how to stop it." He whispers, still breathing heavily with his eyes closed. "And it felt so fucking amazing. I didn’t wanna stop." 

I nod as I begin to softly caress his stomach and chest. "I know. But it could be dangerous." I sigh. "I just got you back… If I lost you I-I--" 

He turns on his side, facing me and presses his hand to my cheek. "You won't lose me." He whispers as he caresses my cheek. "I will take good care of myself to make sure of it, okay? I won’t ever leave you." 

I nod, smiling. "Okay." 

"And you better take care of yourself too." He tells me. "Or I'll hurt you… badly... You think I don't know you've been spending two hours in a scalding bath to lose weight?" 

I sigh, smiling and begin running my fingers through his hair. "Sorry I was watching you masturbate." I tell him, eager to change the subject of my poor self-care. 

"I'm not." He whispers, running his fingers over my chest. "You think I left the door open on accident?" 

I scoff, shaking my head. "You're so so bad." 

He gives me a quick kiss and smiles at me as he nuzzles my nose. "I'm working on getting you back like you said I should. Sometimes we gotta play dirty." 

I chuckle and press a chaste kiss to his lips. "I'm glad you did." I whisper then kiss him, this time deeply and passionately, slightly pulling his hair. 

I get on top of him, hands on the back of his neck, kissing him deeply and he wraps his legs around my waist. But then I remember he just exhausted himself with mentally connecting with me, masturbating for god knows how long and then having sex with me so I pull away, smiling at him and wiping the saliva off the corner of his mouth with my thumb. 

"Why did you stop?" He whispers but I don't say anything and keep staring at him, petting his hair and caressing his cheek. "No round two?" 

I take a deep breath and give him a quick kiss on the lips. "You should rest." I tell him. "You just got a nosebleed from exhausting your powers and your body. We should be careful about this. We don't know what could happen." 

Changkyun scoffs. "I'm fine." He tells me. "You worry too much." 

He wraps his arms around my neck and tries to pull me close for a kiss but I softly push him away, smirking. "Rest now. More sex when we wake up." 

"Promise?" He asks, raising his eyebrows. 

"We gotta learn how to control this mind connection thing, right? If we connect every time we have sex we will never go at it for two rounds again." 

He chuckles. "We can practice, then. A lot. Until we can go for a round two?"

I nod, smiling. "Deal." 


	8. Worried

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little drama, a bit of shownu x hyungwon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi, sorry it took so long if there's anyone reading this sorry haha  
> this has been sitting on my documents forever :(  
> thanks for reading!!

The last seven weeks were really good. They were happy weeks. I spent time with my friends, with the man I love, with the kids. The guys and I had movie marathons, played with the little ones, played games, had dinner parties and got drunk together. It was like I had never left. Like no time at all went by. I was impressed by how quickly things went back to normal and how eager they were to spend time with me. I felt like I belonged, like I haven’t felt like that in a long time. 

Hoseok and I spent more time together than we were before. My doctor found out there was an infection on the stitches on my head so Hoseok got overly worried, of course. He took care of me at all times, made me food every time he was home, skipped work to watch over me, asked me to stay in his room with him, even bathed me a few times. Which of course ended in sex. 

Even though I was fragile and he was worried, we still had sex, a lot of it. It wasn’t like before, though, things didn’t get wild, there weren’t any kinds of rough sex toys, it was soft and slow, he touched me gently and made me feel good, as always. He made me feel loved and cared for.

In these weeks, Jooheon and Hoseok helped me train my powers. We sat in the guest bedroom for hours at least twice a week, sharing thoughts, memories, fears. It was hard, because the three of us got to see everything in each other's heads, even Jooheon saw what was in Hoseok's had. There were tears among the training, laughter, anger. We saw things we ourselves didn't even remember. It was really intense. 

Our goals were to figure out how to stop unwanted connections, how to start wanted ones, what we could stop, exactly how far people had to be for my powers to stop working and if I had any other powers. We tried many different approaches, accessed very different parts of our minds, it was really hard and exhausting but we ended up learning a lot. At first, before training, using my powers could get really exhausting but then I could do more and more little by little without getting tired of getting nosebleeds. I felt stronger and more powerful the more I trained my powers. 

Eventually we figured out how to control the part of my powers that was known. We debated on whether more powers could surface and we were pretty sure more would. And that really scared me. But at least now, with the help of my Hoseok and Jooheon, after a lot of training, I can fully control the powers that have emerged but I promised Hoseok I wouldn't read people's mind or connect with them without permission and that I'd avoid connecting, since it had made me really weak before. 

I felt confident with my powers but scared, and little by little I got more and more scared of how these powers could affect my life. The more powerful I felt, the more scared I got. Things are perfect. I can't help but wonder how long it’ll last. I worry I'll hurt someone, worry my powers will be too much. Worry all this happiness will end in the blink of an eye. How long will it last? Six years like it did before? Six months? Six weeks? Six days? Six… 

It's Sunday. Hoseok and I are on the couch together, he is sitting down and I am lying down with my head on his lap. A movie is playing on the TV but we aren’t paying attention to it, we are just looking at each other. He is running his fingers through my, massaging my chest with his other hand, leaning down to kiss me now and then...

“Do you know how much I love you?” I whisper, covering his hand on my chest with my own and looking into his eyes.

Hoseok smiles but doesn’t say anything.

“You are my everything.” I tell him then he leans down and kisses me, this time his tongue brushes against mine slightly and the kiss lasts longer. I smile against his lips and give it a soft bite.

“You say it just like that? So suddenly?” He whispers.

“I’m just really happy.” I tell him as we tangle and untangle our fingers playfully.

“I am too.” His voice is soft and the small smile on his face makes me turn into putty. “I waited to be with you like this for a long time.”

“I know,” I prop myself up on my elbows to kiss him then smile at him. 

I press my lips against his again, this time for a deeper kiss, opening his mouth so our tongues meet. I move backwards, without breaking the kiss, to sit on his lap and wrap my arms around his neck. The kiss isn’t desperate or passionate, it’s slow and sweet, he has an arm wrapped around my waist and the other on the back of my head, slowly and carefully pulling me closer by the second. 

I draw away from the kiss, smiling and just look at his face thinking that that is the face I want to look at every single day for the rest of my life.

“Wanna go out for dinner?” I ask.

He shakes his head. "You're still injured. I get worried." 

"I'm fine, babe. It's been months." I whisper and kiss his cheek. "Doctor said my hand is all better, my head too."

"She said to take it easy. You had an infection, Changkyunie." I pout and sigh. "Let's order in, okay?" He whispers, running his fingers through my hair. "Wanna make sure you're okay." 

"Okay." I whisper. "I'm happy as long as I'm with you." 

"I remember when you whined about how lame I was for being romantic like you're being right now." He whispers in my ear then gives it a soft bite. 

I chuckle, sliding my hand down his shoulder, to his chest, and squeeze his peck with a smile. He titters, leaning closer to burry his face in my neck and bite it softly. "You can't hold the things I did when I was eighteen against me." I tell him, wrapping my arms around him again and running my hands up and down his back. 

"It was cute." He whispers, leaning back then pinches both my cheeks. "You had chubby cheeks and you pouted and whined about how annoying everything was. I loved it. I thought you were so cool." 

I scoff. "You have bad taste." 

He bites my shoulder hard and I wince, slapping his back. He kisses my neck, lingering there for a second then leans back and smiles at me. "Why don't I give you a bath, hm?" He whispers. 

"Does it include… Fun time?" 

"We can play." He replies. "Play carefully though." 

"Just do all the work." I whisper. "I'll make up for it later." 

I lie in that old bathtub on top of Hoseok, while he thrusts his hips up, fucking into my ass, jerking me off eagerly, desperately kissing whatever part of my neck or shoulder he can reach and whispering he loves me.

I know I promised I'd avoid connecting with people but it's hard to when we have sex, it's hard to stop myself because I want to feel the pleasure he feels and to share what I feel. When we connect, the amount of intensity in the pleasure we feel when I connect our minds is so strong, it feels like our rational minds shut down and all that exists is love, pleasure and utter happiness. He fucks into me hard and fast, like he has both of our strengths to do it. And we come at the same time, in perfect synch. 

"You're so beautiful." He whispers in my ear as we both breath heavily. 

"I don't want to ever be without you again." 

The worst thing about happiness is knowing it won't last forever. And it doesn't. 

It starts with that asshole Hyunseok. I should've known he wouldn't be satisfied with just my apartment and my man, that he'd wanna destroy my whole life like the snake he is. I can't believe I actually thought he'd leave me alone. I'm stupid for that. 

On Friday morning, as most mornings, Hoseok wakes me up before he leaves for work to tell me he's made breakfast and to kiss me goodbye. I grab my phone to check my Twitter feed. But I don't find sweet messages from fans when I check my notifications. I find several articles about me. One that says 'Raper I.M, recently widowed, spotted with potential lover' and a picture of Hoseok and I in front of a convenience store hugging. 

It isn't clear that it's me in the picture but it is me. No one knows what Sowon did to me, no one knows he cheated and used me. So I'm the villain here. I'm the one being cancelled by millions of strangers online because I moved on too fast, because I'm disrespectful, because all gay people are unfaithful and disgusting. 

Any slip from me is an excuse to say shit about my sexuality, to get called the most awful slurs and get many death threats. It's scary. And Hyunseok, the snake, is the one to make it worse. He retweets all the new articles and tweets about me and writes several tweets about how he should've never trusted me, how I'm 'having fun' while he suffers from missing the dead piece of shit Sowon is. He even uses a hashtag saying 'imisoverparty' that goes completely viral. I knew he was an asshole so why do I feel like I'm being stabbed in the back again? 

When I get my phone off do not disturb, it starts blowing up. People who haven't seen me in months asking questions, sending insulting messages, I even find a tweet of one of my brand deals saying they no longer want to work with my brand. 

I have always pretended I don’t care about what people say, acted cold to protect myself, but in the end, the truth is: I do care. It hurts me. Especially when the people who are saying these awful things about me are the people I thought loved me, people who claimed to be my fans, who said they would love me no matter what, who said they'd never leave me. 

I wish my fans knew the full story, I wish they knew I am not a bad person. I wish they didn’t make Sowon out to be a hero when he was such an awful person who fooled me for years. I wish they knew he cheated, he used me, hurt me. I wish they knew. But people only care about gossip and putting people down at any chance they get.

I think of calling Hoseok and asking him to come back, I'm sure he's already out the door and I don't wanna bother him, so I shut down my phone and take as many sleeping pills as I can to forget all about the real world and the awful people. 

But when I wake up, I find myself on social media again, unable to stop myself from reading the things people are saying about me. So I lie on that bed, crying my eyes out, feelings of sadness and frustration so overwhelming my body hurts. But suddenly, those feelings feel lighter. 

Hoseok is sitting on the bed by my side with a hand on my hip. Our minds are connected, making all my feelings way less intense. He looks worried and upset. He came back home as soon as he found out about what happened. 

Hoseok takes my phone from my hands, shuts it off and puts it in his pocket, eyes glued to mine the entire time. The connection ends when he removes his hand from my hip. He crosses his arms and keeps looking into my eyes. "Did you eat yet?" He whispers. I just stare at him for a moment then answer with a shake of my head. "Want chicken?" He whispers and I nod slowly in reply. "I’ll order some." 

He grabs his own phone from his pocket, that's vibrating non stop just like mine, and stares at it, frowning. He starts typing, so hard it looks like he will break the phone. I stare at him curiously for a second then crawl his way and, still on all fours, nuzzle into his neck much like a cat. 

He takes a second to get his eyes off the phone but puts it back in his jacket pocket and gives me a small smile, cupping my cheek and caressing it with his thumb. 

"People think I'm a whore." I whine then raise my head to look into his eyes. 

"Who said that?" He asks, nonchalantly. 

"I don't know." I whisper. "Just someone." 

"Well, this just someone could think that the earth is flat. Would it make it true?" 

I pout and groan. "It's…" 

"Not true." He says. "They don't know you. All the bad things they're saying aren't true." 

I sigh. "Some are." I say. "That I'm unfaithful, untrustworthy, selfish." 

"You're not." He says. 

"I was, wasn't I? When I left you?" 

He just stares at me for a moment then looks down and doesn't say anything. 

"Maybe I deserve this." I tell him. "To pay for what I did to you guys." 

Hoseok scoffs then snaps his head up to look at me. "I think you've suffered enough to pay for a lifetime of sins." He tells me. "You were abused, used, hurt, injured. You almost died, Changkyunie. And you changed. You're loyal, you're good, you're kind, you're the man I've always known and you didn't change. I can see it now." 

I sit down on the bed, keeping my eyes on his, sliding a hand up his neck to take his earlobe between two fingers and massage it. "You really think that?" I whisper. He runs his fingers through my hair slowly and smiles, nodding. 

We smile at each other for a moment, like time freezes. I lean forward to peck his lips softly then chuckle when he closes his eyes and leans into my touch on his ear. 

“Your ears are so cute.” I whisper as I massage them. He hums in pleasure and nods, smiling. "You're so cute." I tell him. His smile widens, full on teeth, and he opens his eyes. "I don't want to be without you again." I whisper. "There's all these awful people out in this world and you… you, you've always protected me, you…" I sigh happily then lean closer to kiss him. The press of lips is soft, I peck his lips a few times then my lips linger against his for longer, I push my tongue inside his mouth and brush against his slowly. The soft kiss slowly turns into a wetter and sloppier kiss, tongues lazily running over each other. Hoseok is the one to pull away after a long minute, his lips looking swollen and glistening with saliva.

“I love you.” I whisper, running my thumb over his lower lip.

“I love you _.”  _ He tells me, smiling. 

My heart flutters like it has everytime he has said those words for the past 10 years, just like it did the first time. He slides back on the bed to rest his back against the headboard and beckons me closer with his finger. I sit between his legs and rest my back on his chest and head on his neck and he wraps his arms around me, leaving soft kisses on my cheek and neck, his breath tickles me, making me laugh out loud, happily. We stay in silence for a moment as I squeeze his arm and caress his hand while he runs his hands over my chest and kisses my neck. It makes me feel happy and comfortable. 

"So." He whispers. 

I sigh. "I hate him." I say, through my teeth. "I hate all of them, everyone I've met since I left you guys. They're all fake and… I just hate them." 

Hoseok nods. "Understandable." 

"This thing is frustrating." I tell him. "I think back and I feel like an idiot for ever trusting those assholes. For ever being their friend." 

"You're not and idiot, baby." He whispers and gives me a soft kiss on top of my head. "They got close to you at a vulnerable moment. They took advantage. But it's no one's fault but theirs." 

I nod. "I just wish I could have prevented this."

"You couldn't have. No one could've." 

I raise my head to look into his eyes, leaning back a little to the side as he holds me so I don't fall back, and with a pout on my lips. "I feel like this could really harm my career." I tell him in a whisper, like telling a secret. "I just don't wanna lose my fans. They mean everything to me."

"Just be honest with them and they'll understand." He tells me, moving one of his hands from my chest to my head and running his fingers through my hair. "They love you." He presses a soft kiss to my ear then nuzzles it. 

"Honest how, though?" I ask. "If I tell them what Sowon did I'll just be the bitter mean guy talking shit about the poor dead guy."

"Then… What?" 

"I don't know." I sigh. "I might not do anything, just ignore it." 

"That's not very… you." Hoseok says. "You're usually so… straightforward. Unless that changed." 

"It didn’t. I'm just not straightforward about everything." I tell him then remain quiet for a moment. I click my tongue shaking my head and sigh deeply. “I should have--” 

"Don't blame yourself for this." He whispers. "Just… I don't know. Just…" He sighs. "I'm not really sure… I'm not sure what to tell you, honestly. I don't know much about the celebrity world.” He kisses my cheek, nuzzles it then whispers in my ear “I'm sorry." 

I shake my head, frowning and pouting. "No, it's okay, baby." I whisper, leaning forward and kissing his forehead. "I should just talk to my manager about all this." 

"The one who pretended you didn't exist when you were in a coma?" 

I sigh. "I don't know what else to do, I mean… He knows how to deal with this kind of thing. He knows people, he has connections."

He pouts, picking at his chin then sighs. "I don't know if it's a good idea, baby. If he wasn't around, if he hasn't been around all this time… he isn't trustworthy." 

"I don't want to risk my career on this. I'm always on a thin line because I'm gay, people are always trying to fuck things up for me. He always knew how to fix this kind of shit." I take a sigh of frustration.

He kisses my cheek then my forehead and holds both my hands tightly. "Then text him. Just to see what he has to say. But keep your eyes open." 

I nod. "Of course." 

"I don't want you to get hurt, I..." He whispers. "I don't want to lose you again." He pauses and gives me a soft smile. "So please be careful." 

I nod hard. "I'll be." 

My stomach roars when I lean forward to kiss him again and we both laugh, pressing our foreheads together and kissing each other's cheeks and noses. 

We go downstairs and sit down at the kitchen table together. Hoseok gives me my phone back to text my manager and he uses his own to order the food. Hoseok deleted all the apps from my phone before giving it to me, to avoid me seeing the awful messages from haters, leaving only the original phone apps. I know it's a weird thought but I find it thoughtful of him to worry about deleting the apps. 

When I text my manager, he answers seconds later, which is weird since he's always very busy and mostly answers calls and not texts. 

**_ME_ ** _ : Hey. Need help with all the shit that's going on.  _

**_MANAGER-NIM_ ** _ : Hello. We should meet up and talk.  _

**_ME_ ** _ : Can't we just text?  _

**_MANAGER-NIM_ ** _ : I think it's best if we talk about this kind of thing in person.  _

**_ME_ ** _ : I'm still injured, hyung. The friend I'm staying with gets really worried when I go out. I should stay home.  _

**_MANAGER-NIM_ ** _ : don't worry about it then. I'll come to you. We have a lot to talk about now that you're getting better. About your career.  _

**_ME_ ** _ : Is the company ditching me? Is that why you didn't contact me before?  _

**_MANAGER-NIM_ ** _ : we will talk about everything tomorrow, okay? Don't worry. Everything is okay, we will fix all this.  _

**_ME_ ** _ : Okay.  _

**_MANAGER-NIM_ ** _ : you know I always got your back, Kyunie. Don't worry, don't overthink it. Remember the false cheating claims? I fixed it, didn't I? All this gossip is nothing, just a bunch of clout chasers online. Don't worry. I'll come over tomorrow so you don't worry your friend and we can talk about everything.  _

**_ME_ ** _ : Okay _

**_ME_ ** _ : thank you, hyung  _

**_MANAGER-NIM_ ** _ : I'll come in the morning? Text you when I'm on my way. Send location.  _

**_ME_ ** _ : See you later.  _

"Let's eat in the living room." Hoseok says from outside the kitchen, walking by the door straight to the living room, carrying the delivery food that has just arrived. 

I get to the living room and watch Hoseok unpack all the food on the coffee table between the couch and the TV, standing by the couch. 

My manager was acting so nonchalantly through text. Maybe I'm overthinking, it's hard to tell emotions through text after all, especially since he doesn't use a lot of emojis, but he just seemed odd, like he was in a rush to end our conversation and brush me off, like he had complete control of the situation. 

"He says he's coming over tomorrow." I tell Hoseok once he finishes setting all the food on the coffee table. 

"He's coming over?" Hoseok asks with a piece of beef in his mouth he had picked up with his fingers, sitting down on the floor at the table and gathering the chopsticks from the set box to the table. 

I sigh deeply, sitting by his side. "He just…" I trail off, grabbing chopsticks to start eating. “He seemed weird.”

"How?” Hoseok asks.

I sigh again. “I don’t know.” I take a sip of my drink then shove a piece of meat in my mouth. “He just seemed too chill about everything. But I’m probably overthinking it.”

“Maybe you should.” He says.

I look at him with a growing smirk and scoff. "Really?" I ask in disbelief and he shrugs. "You've been telling me to stop overthinking my whole life." 

He sighs. "I just… this man… From what I've seen in your head, he… he doesn't seem trustworthy. So maybe you should overthink when it comes to this. You shouldn't trust him." 

"I don't." I tell him. “I only trust you." 

"Just be careful.” He whispers then shows me a small smile and looks down at his food. 

I smile, letting out a small huff. "I told you I will, baby." I say, nudging him and his smile widens.

We proceed to eat in silence. We feed each other, touch each other. Smile at each other. Eating with him is always a happy moment. After a while, I put down my chopsticks then turn to look at him and just smile, looking into his eyes. "The past weeks have been unreal." I whisper. 

He nods. "Yeah." He puts down his chopsticks as he finishes chewing and takes my hand. "I kinda dreamt of being like this with you for a while." He leans forward and leaves a soft kiss on my cheek. He smiles at me then leans forward again to leave more kisses there and also on my jaw and neck then presses his lips against mine in a chaste and quick kiss. "I am so glad... " He trails off and smiles, taking a deep breath. 

I nod, smiling. "Me too." I kiss him then give him a soft bite on the chin and he chuckles, kissing my forehead. "And thank you for taking care of me." I whisper, cupping his cheek and caressing it with my thumb. "I have no one else who takes care of me like you do." 

"I like taking care of you." He says, lying a hand on the nape of my neck and taking a deep breath. “I'm your boyfriend, I'll always take care of you." 

My heart skips a beat in surprise. I look down shyly then up again, raising one eyebrow and smirking. "Boyfriend?" 

"Yes." He answers hurriedly, nodding and with a tight smile that makes his eyes turn into crescents.

I look at him, frowning and narrowing my eyes. "What do you mean 'yes'?" I ask suspiciously. 

He bites his lower lip then presses his lips against each other, smiling. "What I just said." He says, raising his eyebrows and trying to hide a smile. 

"So we are dating?" I ask, raising my eyebrows. 

He kisses my lips then presses his forehead against mine. "We are." He whispers then kisses me again. 

I beam, taking both his hands, looking into his eyes, widening my eyes. I get on top of him, knocking down a drink and paying it no mind, then give him a kiss on both cheeks and the tip of his nose. "You're for real, right?" I ask. "You're not—" 

"Yes." He tells me, cupping both my cheeks and looking right into my eyes with the softest, most loving expression. "You're the only person I've ever wanted." He sighs happily. "I don't want anyone else. And I trust you not to break my heart again. And not to leave me. Can you do that?" 

I nod, hard. "Yes. Of course." I let out a breathy laugh and softly kiss his lips. "I won't ever leave you or hurt you, or…" I chuckle. "I promise." 

He raises our tied hands up and shakes it, like one would in a business meeting. "Then boyfriends it is." He says with a small grin.

"Boyfriends." I tell him with a big smile. We look at each other for a long moment, I rub my thumb against his cheek and he does the same on mine, I touch his face like I'm trying to check if this is all real, and I think it is. 

I get off my knees to sit on his crotch, still holding both his hands and smiling at him. 

“Thank you.” I whisper, then lean down to press a soft kiss to his lips. 

“What for?” He asks, smiling.

“For forgiving me. For wanting to be with me after all this shit. For taking me back.”

He shakes his head, tittering quietly then takes a deep breath. “I love you. Did you think I wouldn’t?”

I tilt my head, raising eyebrows. “Well, there was always a possibility you wouldn't, right?”

“There wasn’t.” He says, hands traveling up to run his fingers through my hair. “I've tried being with other people, you know that." I nod, humming. "But it was never like us… Like…" He sighs and presses his hand to my cheek to caress it with his thumb. "You are the love of my life, Changkyunie. I will never love anyone like I love you.”

I lean down to press my forehead against his and nod, leaving a soft peck on his lips. “I love you.”

I give him several soft kisses on the lips, caressing his cheeks, neck and arms, whispering to him how much I love him, and repeating the word 'boyfriend' many times. We laugh, kiss, play around, roll around the floor kissing and completely forget our food and our hunger for it. 

But our hunger for each other is not forgotten, the kiss heats up, soon, he's grabbing my ass, feeling me up, over and under my clothes, thrusting his hips up, rubbing himself against me. Our bodies are completely pressed together, I'm rubbing my ass against him, feeling his cock harden quickly. 

"Did I ever tell you that I didn't have a single good fuck the four years we were apart?" I tell him, pulling away from the kiss, caressing his chest and grinning. 

He smirks, then scoffs, hands still kneading my ass, lower lip caught between his teeth. "You mean my fucking is just good?" 

I titter.“Yeah.” I nod, jokingly agreeing and he scoffs then flips me over so he's on top of me. 

"Say that again." He whispers, hovering over my face and pressing his knee against my crotch. 

"It's just good." I whisper in his ear and he shakes his head, clicking his tongue. 

"You're gonna be a little brat, huh?" He asks, getting up and grabbing me, throwing me over his arms and completely manhandling me up the stairs to his room. He throws me on the bed, and I chuckle when he does, smiling at him as he crawls on top of me. "Are you gonna be a little brat?" He asks again, hovering over me. 

I shrug, smiling then bite my lower lip, roaming my eyes over him. He straddles me, running his hands up and down my chest. He looks at me disapprovingly then clicks his tongue, getting up from the bed straight to his closet then coming back with our box of sex toys. He takes a bottle of strawberry flavored lube and two pairs of cuffs with long chains then gets on top of me again. 

"Answer me." He whispers, grabbing my chin and smirking. "Are you gonna act like a brat?" He asks again. 

I scoff, grabbing his arm by the wrists and pulling his hand off my face. "What can I say…" I sigh deeply, smiling. "I like your punishments." I whisper. "You're always so soft on me..." I tell him, raising my arms above my head and pressing my wrists together. "It's cute." 

"That's because I love you!" He says, taking off my shirt then leans down slowly to press his lips against mine in a slow, sensual and deep kiss, cuffing my wrists as our tongues roam inside each other's mouths. "But I can be rough when you want me to. Do you want me to?" He asks, rubbing his hands against my chest and brushing his lips against mine. 

I shake my head, smiling. "I'm in the mood for soft lovemaking as usual please." I reply. "With the cuffs, though." 

He rubs his thumb against my nipple and we smirk at each other. "Now who's the soft one?" He whispers. 

"You make me all soft and gooey, babe." I tell him, thrusting my hips up to rub myself against his knee that is between my legs. "Your fault." 

Hoseok slaps my leg and frowns. "Don't be so eager." Hoseok says, frowning then the corner of his lips go up quickly when he sees me pout. He draws back, moving his knee away from my crotch and I groan, kicking my feet up in frustration. He chuckles, unbuttoning my pants with a smile on. "How's it that we've had sex so many times and I never get tired of your bratty ass, huh?" He asks, pulling down my pants and underwear at once. 

I smirk. "Because I'm so irresistible." 

Hoseok scoffs. "That was your cue to say something romantic." He raises my legs up so casually, completely manhandling me just as I like, and I press my thighs against my chest, smirking as I look at him cuffing my ankles leaving my ass spread wide open for him. "So beautiful." He whispers then grabs the bottle of lube, spreads an exaggerated amount on my crack and rubs his finger against it, my ass clenching in response. "Needy as always." He retreats his fingers to spread more lube on, I feel some slide down my ass to the sheets. He then continues to rub two fingers against my rim, instead of pushing them in my hole as I want. "You know, I--" 

"Can we stop playing?" I ask even though my cock hardens from his teasing. 

Hoseok chuckles. "You like playing."

"I want lovemaking!" I whine.

"Well, can't I play a little?" He asks, smirking, focusing on teasing my entrance with his finger. 

I groan. "Babe…" 

He nods, smiling. "Fine, fine..." He says, then pushes one finger inside me without a warning and I let out a gasp of surprise.

"Warn a guy…" I whisper under my breath. 

He chuckles. "Just doing what you told me to." He whispers, sliding his finger in and out of my ass very slowly. 

"Kiss me." I moan, rocking my hips in an attempt to fasten the pace of the movement of his fingers inside me. 

"I'll kiss you." Hoseok says then leans down to press his lips to my hole and stretches it with his finger, to give access to his tongue. 

Feeling his tongue there drives me crazy as always, it's wet and curious and so fucking hot. I moan, gripping my own thighs tightly. "Babe…" 

Hoseok moans softly as he licks me open, pushing another finger inside as his tongue moves with them. As he continues to slide his fingers in and out, he leaves open-mouthed kisses above and below my hole and on my ass cheeks. 

"Did you buy this lube?" He asks right as he grabs my balls and begins to fondle them. "It's tasty." 

I can't speak because of the overwhelming feeling of his mouth and fingers on me. Hoseok knows just how to drive me crazy. The right spots to touch, the right speed, the right intensity, he knows my body and how to please me. That makes me really happy, and really hot, my body feels like it’s on fire. 

When he removes his tongue from my ass crack and I'm about to whine in protest, he takes my balls in his mouth and wraps his free hand around my cock, looking into my eyes and moaning as he sucks each ball at a time. And even though I wanna grab him by the hair, wrap my hand around my cock, play with my nipples, I can't, because I'm handcuffed, and not being able to do that turns me on like crazy, all I can do is moan, whine and let my body take over my mind, back arching, body twitching, especially when his fingers brush right against my prostate, making pleasure run through my body like electricity. 

He pulls his mouth off my balls and looks at me with a smirk. "You sound so fucking sexy." He whispers, then begins leaving soft kisses on my thighs, not stopping the movement of his fingers in my ass and wrapping a hand around my cock. "How did I manage to survive four years without you, huh?" He pumps my cock a few times then runs his hand down to one of my ass cheeks to squeeze it hard. "Without this ass…" He says before pushing his middle finger further in my ass, as much as he can, pressing it hard against my prostate, the feeling too intense, and too good, it coaxes a loud scream from me as my back arches. He hums and pulls out his finger. "That's what I like to hear." He whispers, leaning down to give my hole a few more licks. 

He gets on top of me, hands pressing against my shin, cock rubbing against my balls and chest pressed against mine, our stomachs separated by the chains from the cuffs and his clothes. He presses his lips against mine in a hungry and passionate kiss. For a moment, I forget about the cuffs around my wrists and try to touch him, only to have my arms held down by them. I whimper against Hoseok’s lips when he presses his crotch harder against my balls and grabs my ass with both hands, raising my hips further up.

“Take your clothes off.” I whisper between kisses, barely managing to form the sentence coherently. 

He chuckles, pulling away from the kiss. I chase after his lips, opening my eyes to find him on his knees with his thighs pressed to my ass. He kneels still, rubbing his hand against his crotch, staring at me. I pinch his arm with my toes and he groans, pouting. 

“Are you just gonna stare and do nothing?” I ask.

He nods, grinning, then shoves his hand down his sweatpants to touch himself, biting his lower lip as he looks at me. He leans down to leave a soft kiss on my toe, then takes my foot on his hand to kiss my shin, then my knee, then he stops and smiles.

I groan and shake my arms, playfully trying to get off the cuffs. “I said love making. No teasing.” I tell him.

Hoseok shrugs. “You are so fun to tease, though.” He whispers then presses his hands to my chest, rubbing his palm against my nipples. 

I bite back a moan when he leans down and takes my nipple in his mouth, sucking it furiously as he teases the other with his finger. I feel his body moving and I realize he was taking off his pants when I feel the head of his cock against my hole. He begins to push it inside slowly but he has licked all the lube away, it doesn’t go in smoothly and my hole stings unpleasantly.

“Babe~” I whine. “It hurts.”

He draws away and presses a hand to my cheek, caressing it with his thumb as he leans down to give me a soft kiss. “Sorry.” Hoseok whispers then leaves several kisses on my lips and cheeks before kneeling up again. 

“I love you.” I tell him, watching him spread lube over his cock and more over my hole then he smiles widely but doesn’t say anything.

He squeezes the bottle of lube right on my ass and slides two fingers inside, circling and crooking them. He drops the bottle of lube on the bed and wraps his hand around his cock, jerking himself off as he fingers me, soon adding a third finger. His moans are beautiful, low and quiet, well quiet when he's not the one being fucked. 

When I open my eyes I see he is looking right at me. He looks fucking beautiful, pupils blown wide, lips red and swollen, forehead glistening with sweat.

“Take off your shirt.” I tell him and lick my lips.

He doesn't do as I say, he keeps his shirt on, fingering me and jerking himself off. He watches me as I writhe under him, moaning his name, thrusting my hips up into his fingers with the need to feel them brush against my prostate again and again, to feel that sparkling and overwhelming pleasure again and again. 

When he pulls out his fingers, I groan in frustration. He presses his lips against mine, chuckling. But then he finally presses the head of his cock against the rim of my ass again and instead of pushing himself in, he pulls my body closer so I sink onto his cock. I moan into the kiss, desiring to grab him, touch him, and it's torture not to be able to but the power he has over me by having me handcuffed under him turns me on like hell. And also the cuffs make it easier for me to hold my legs up. 

He begins moving his hips slowly, kissing me in a much more intense pace than he's fucking me. He grabs me by my hair with both hands and pulls it tight, fastening the movement of his hips, stabbing his cock against my prostate and sending shocks of pleasure through my body. I pull away from the kiss and cry his name then bite hard on his chin, trying to keep in the incoherent noises that insist on coming out of my mouth. 

"Hoseok..." I moan, lips parted as I breathe heavily. 

"I love you." Hoseok whispers, hot breath against my cheek. 

Hoseok hasn’t always been this strong so after we started having sex again, I was impressed by how much stronger he has gotten. Impressed by how long he can keep slamming his cock into me without stopping and how much harder he can fuck me. Gym does wonders for your sex life. It feels amazing, sometimes it's so intense it feels like my body is taken over by love and pleasure. Or maybe it's just my new powers in action. 

As his hands leave my hair and move to my wrists to uncuff me, he slows the movement of his hips. I want to ask why but I can barely form coherent sentences, moaning in his ear as he uncuffs me. 

Once I'm uncuffed, he leads my arms to his neck so they're wrapped around it and he stops moving his hips as he presses his lips against mine. As we lazily kiss, he uncuffs my ankles then throws both cuffs on the floor. Still kissing me, he moves his hips again, sliding his cock in and out of my ass a few times before pulling me up into his arms and sitting up on the bed with me on his lap. I wrap my legs around his waist and he wraps his arms around mine, pulling me as close as he can, our chests flushing together. 

"I love you." I whisper, brushing my lips against his.

He smiles, sliding his hands from my waist to my ass and holding me up. "I love you." He says before he starts to slide himself in and out of my ass at a quick pace, resting his chin on my shoulder, grunting and moaning in my ear. 

Now I was impressed by Hoseok's strength as I just said, but I didn't think he was strong enough to do what he does next. He stands up from the bed, holding me, and fucks me without any kind of support, holding my whole weight up and fucking me at the same time. Now that requires a lot of strength. And fuck, it feels so good. The angle is perfect and hits all the right spots. And all I do is enjoy it, whimpering, moaning, calling and screaming his name, scratching his back, biting his neck and ear and just taking it. 

He's only human, though, so when he tires out, he presses my body against the wall and fucks me, pushing me against it to keep me up. It hurts a little but it's nothing we haven't done before. Everything feels perfect. I feel happy and overwhelmed with love, every single worry in my mind disappears and I feel light, I feel loved, I feel good. And I want this forever. 

"Fuck." Hoseok groans, thrusting hard into my ass before he spills his load in me and the feeling of him filling me up with his come gets me closer to the edge.

"Fuck." I moan, biting harder on his shoulder. 

He stands still for a moment, breathing heavily, body completely pressed against mine. After he's caught his breath, he takes me to the bed and lays me on it carefully, leaning down to softly kiss me. He slides his cock out of my ass and quickly replaces it with his fingers, moving them slowly at first then quickening the pace. He knows how sensitive my ass is and how having something fill me up is what drives me crazy. 

The feeling of Hoseok nibbling my ear and fingering my ass for less than a minute is enough for me to get my release. I see stars, my back arches, toes wiggle, breath hitches and I come hard between our bodies, dirtying Hoseok's sweaty shirt and my chest. Hoseok presses his lips against mine in a lazy kiss, removing his fingers from my ass and caressing my arms and thighs. 

"I love you." He whispers between kisses. "So fucking much." 

I nod, breathing heavily and smiling. He chuckles, kissing my ears and cheeks, brushing my sticky hair off my forehead, nuzzling my nose. I lie there, smiling with my eyes closed, enjoying his soft and careful touches and the amazing feeling of my release. It all feels so good, so unreal. 

But as soon as I start coming out of the haze from my orgasm and all the pleasure, I begin to overthink, overthink what this all means, of the possibilities, of what officially being together means. I feel warm wetness on my cheeks and see Hoseok's worried expression when he raises his head and looks at me. 

"Babe…" He whispers and presses a hand to my cheek to caress it. "Why are you crying?” He asks. “What’s wrong? Did I hurt you?" 

I shake my head, covering my eyes with my forearm and groaning. “You didn’t, no, I…” I scoff. "I don't know..." I whisper. "I’m..." I sniff and press my hands against my eyes, trying to stop the tears from coming. “Ugh…” 

He leans down and grabs me in his arms again, I rest my head on his shoulder and completely relax in his embrace as he takes us to the ensuite bathroom in the room. Without letting me down or taking off his shirt, he brings us to the shower stall and turns on the warm water, the warmth relaxing me when it falls on my body. 

"What's on your mind?" He whispers, caressing my back as leaving soft kisses on my ear. 

I sigh deeply. "Wanna see?" I ask. 

"Why don't you tell me?" Hoseok suggests. "We don’t need to read each other’s mind to communicate." 

I don’t say anything for a while, I cry in his arms as the warm water drips on my body and he leaves soft kisses on my shoulder, caressing my thighs, telling me everything will be okay. 

"I'm an idiot.” I whisper.

“Don’t say that.” He replies quickly.

I get down from his arms and stand in front of him, looking into his eyes with a frown and a pout. He touches my cheek and caresses it. 

“Don’t say bad things about my boyfriend.” He tells me with a soft smile.

I sigh and take a step forward. I take his soaked shirt off of his body and throw it on the floor then wrap my arms around his neck and press my lips against his, giving him a long but chaste kiss. I brush my lips against his, sighing again. “I’m scared.” I tell him.

He wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me close so our bodies are pressed against one another. “What is it you are scared of, hm?”

“I fuck everything up, hyung. Before when I… and this thing with Sowon and… now I have you…" More tears fall down my face, immediately wiped away by the water from the shower. "I'm scared of fucking up again. I don't wanna do anything that'd make me lose what we have and--”

“You won’t.” He tells me, interrupting my rambling. “Let’s live our lives and we will deal with the bad things when or if they get here, okay?”

“But--”

“Okay?”

I sigh then nod. “Okay.”

We take a while to shower, washing each other’s hair and scrubbing each other’s bodies. He insists on having me try this hair treatment conditioner and we sit down on the shower stall floor kissing and chatting while we wait for the product to work. We talk about getting cats, renovating the house, doing all these things that make everything feel so domestic and comfortable. That make me so fucking happy and calm me down completely. His presence calms me and warms me. 

After we shower, we put on comfortable clothes and dry each other’s hairs, Hoseok going on and on about how I have to take better care of my hair after I bleach it because it is way too dry.

We go downstairs to find Hyungwon sitting on the living room couch with headphones on, playing GTA on our XBOX and chewing on a long piece of fruit gummy, the food Hoseok got us for lunch, that I had been thinking of since I got out of the shower, long gone. 

"Hey." Hoseok says, cutely walking to sit by Hyungwon's side. Hyungwon takes his headphones off and puts down the candy, sighing.

Two weeks ago Hyungwon showed up at our door late at night with eyes full of tears, telling us he would spend the night. Hoseok wrapped his arms around him right away and told him everything was going to be okay. Of course I looked into Hyungwon’s mind right away, I was too worried to stop myself from doing it like I promised Hoseok.

_ When Hyunwoo decided to come back to town, he asked Hyungwon if he and Namkyu could stay at his place since the elder didn’t want to go to his own place and be reminded of the life he had in that house with his late wife. Of course Hyungwon said yes, he was thrilled about it. When the man you’ve been in love with for over ten years asks to live with you, you say yes. Especially after you spend four romantic months alone in a mansion having insanely amazing sex.  _

_ Hyunwoo’s wife’s death hit him hard. When she passed, he wanted to get away, he didn’t want his son to see him suffering over his late wife and he also knew that seeing his son suffer over his mother’s death would make it all even worse. So he left, to one of the many properties his wife left for him, a beach mansion in Jeju, and he asked Hyungwon to go with him, so Hyungwon did. He always does everything Hyunwoo asks. _

_ Even though Hyungwon had had many sexual fantasies with Hyunwoo before, he didn’t expect for Hyunwoo to ever come close to him in a sexual way. He was sure Hyunwoo was straight, that’s what he always said after all. _

_ Hyungwon spent three whole days in bed with Hyunwoo after they got to the mansion. Hyunwoo slept most of the time, or stared into nothingness, he didn’t even get up to shower or eat, only to use the restroom. Hyungwon brought him food and water, made sure his beloved was okay. On the third day, Hyungwon managed to convince him to get up and take a shower. He asked Hyungwon if they could shower together. Hyungwon said yes as he always does. _

_ Nothing happened in the shower, Hyunwoo just stood there and Hyungwon scrubbed his friend’s entire body, shampooed and conditioned his hair, showered him. It happened after, in the jacuzzi. Hyunwoo has two coping mechanisms: drinking alcohol and sleeping. So after he slept for almost three entire days, he drank. A lot. Soju, beer, wine. And Hyungwon found himself being cornered against a jacuzzi and kissed fiercely. They had kissed before, when they were very drunk, but not like this, Hyunwoo had never shoved his hands down Hyungwon’s trunks or kissed his neck, chest, he never showed he wanted Hyungwon so much.  _

_ I never thought I’d get the hots reading my friend’s mind and watching the memory of him having sex with Hyunwoo, it wasn’t hot when I saw Kihyun and Hoseok or Jooheon and Minhyuk. But watching how Hyunwoo flipped Hyungwon over, bent him over the edges of the tub and fucked him dry was hot. Especially feeling how good Hyungwon remembered feeling, how it hurt so good and how intense it was. And they did it again and again, in several different ways for four whole months, followed by a lot of crying and eating. And Hyungwon liked it, he liked those four months. And he was so sure Hyunwoo had finally realized he loved Hyungwon back.  _

_ But he didn’t, did he? The memory of Hyungwon walking into his own bedroom, five weeks after they got home, five weeks living with the man he loved, taking care of his son, to see Hyunwoo lying there shirtless in his boxers with a small smile, welcoming the younger home for work. _

_ “How was work?” Hyunwoo asked in a whisper. _

_ Hyungwon sighed and lied down on his bed by Hyunwoo’s side, propping himself up on one elbow. “Mild.” Hyungwon replied _

_ Hyunwoo scoffed. “Mild?” _

_ The younger nodded. “Not painful.” _

_ Hyunwoo chuckled, tugging a strand of Hyungwon’s hair behind his ear with a small smile. They look into each other’s eyes and the intensity I feel is so strong, I feel my stomach flutter even though it’s just a memory, it was intense for Hyungwon, the moment he didn’t know if he’d finally be loved back or not. _

_ “I wanted to talk to you about something.” Hyungwon whispers, eyes darting away from Hyunwoo’s. The elder hummed in response, cupping Hyungwon’s cheek and rubbing his thumb against it. “About…” Hyungwon sighed. “This thing.” Hyunwoo hummed again, staring at Hyungwon’s lips and biting his own. “Hyung.” The younger called the other and his eyes darted up to look at the younger’s. Hyunwoo tilted his head up and Hyungwon sighed.  _

_ “You look sexy.” Hyunwoo whispered, slotting his legs between Hyungwon’s.  _

_ Hyungwon drew away and sat up, hugging his own legs. Hyunwoo stared at him for a second sighed then sat up too, very awkwardly. _

_ “I like you.” Hyungwon said quickly, afraid the courage to do it would go away like it did many times, like it did the day of Hyunwoo’s wedding day. ‘You don’t have to marry her.’ Hyungwon had planned to say. But he hadn’t. He didn’t want to hide it anymore.  _

_ Hyunwoo kept staring at Hyungwon which made him nervous but he didn’t back out. He was tired of playing house, taking care of another man’s child, taking care of said man, but not being sure if what they had was what he thought they did, if Hyunwoo loved him. “I love you.” Hyungwon blurted out, then bit his lower lip, looking at Hyunwoo, waiting for an answer. _

_ Hyunwoo just stared at Hyungwon for a long moment then lied down, facing away from Hyungwon and pretended Hyungwon had never said anything. Hyungwon called his names, tried to shake him, to call his attention but Hyunwoo ignored him, pretended he didn’t exist. So Hyungwon left and there we were, standing on the doorstep, comforting Hyungwon. _

_ Hoseok told me to wait for him in his room and took Hyungwon to the guest room. I sat in Hoseok’s bed, thinking about those memories. About the pain, the confusion, the sadness, the pleasure… It was overwhelming, reading minds always is. But little by little, I got used to it. _

_ Hoseok walked in the room, sighing deeply then lied down by my side on his stomach, looking at me with a small pout. I was sitting with my back against the headboard, I took Hoseok’s hand and gave him a sympathetic smile. _

_ “How is he?” I whispered. _

_ Hoseok sighed again then rolled over on the bed to lie down between my legs with his head over my crotch. I thread my fingers through his hair as he ran his hand up and down my thighs. “He fell asleep.” Hoseok replied. “He could barely speak with all the crying.” _

_ “Hm.” I hummed in response, looking at the hair I ran my fingers through. _

_ “What happened?” He asked. _

_ I scoffed. “Why are you asking me?” I asked, playing clueless. “You were just with him.” _

_ “Well, he was too busy crying his eyes out.” Hoseok crossed his arms, puckering his lips. “And you can read minds, I doubt it you didn’t read his.” _

_ I sighed. “Maybe... I didn’t. I read no minds.” _

_ Hoseok shook his head with a small smile then reached for my cheeks to squeeze them hard. “Just tell me.” _

_ Of course I had to share the memories with Hoseok. He insisted. Even offered sexual favors which I gladly accepted. But only the day after, on that day, Hoseok cried himself to sleep, overwhelmed by Hyungwon’s memories and emotions. He wasn’t used to it like me. _

_ I was glad to have Hyungwon around, he spent most of his time in the guest room alone and gave Hoseok and I a lot of privacy. He kept me company when Hoseok was’t around, played video games and watched movies with me. He didn't leave the house at all the entire time he has been here which was worrying.  _

_ Hoseok and I tried to talk to Hyungwon about it but he refused, said everything was fine even though he knew we both knew what was in his mind. After asking him again and again if he needed to talk, if he was okay, so he’d know we cared, so he’d feel safe to vent, to let it all out, Hoseok told us to stop asking and let him come to us, which I hated, I wanted to make him talk so he would feel better, and I could make him talk. But Hoseok would be mad so I didn’t. _

Two weeks later, he still hasn’t talked about it, even if he knows we know, he pretends nothing happened, he hides in his room, cries all day and comes down the stairs with a big smile for dinner. We gave him space. It was fucking frustrating. I sigh deeply as I take the last steps down the stairs, staring at the coffee table and thinking of the delicious food we left there. "You had to eat all of our food?" I ask annoyedly, sitting by Hyungwon's side. 

“It was just sitting here when I got home." Hyungwon says, nonchalantly. “And I assumed you two have satisfied your hunger just fine by how loud you two were upstairs.”

“Sorry.” Hoseok says, pursing his lips apologetically and grabbing Hyungwon's arm to caress it with his thumb.

"It's fine." Hyungwon says. "Changkyunie gave me these super expensive headphones for a reason." He pats his headphones and forces a smile.

"It wasn't…" I sigh, grabbing the controller from his hands, rolling my eyes. "It was just a gift." Hyungwon groans in protest but doesn’t take the controller back. Hoseok rips the end of the candy from Hyungwon's mouth and shoves it in his own. Hyungwon rolls his eyes and sighs deeply. 

“You can’t hide here forever.” I tell Hyungwon with my eyes glued on the TV screen. I feel Hoseok’s eyes on me but I don’t look at him because I know he will scold me for bringing up the subject that has hurt Hyungwon so much. 

Hyungwon scoffs. “I am not hiding."

“Well, then why are you here?" I turn to look at the man by my side and ask that question, not planning on leaving a second for him to answer it. "You have your own apartment. And yet you've been staying here for two weeks. And you're hiding upstairs every time anyone comes over? You are hiding.” I tell him. 

“Jeez.” Hyungwon scoffs. “Played nice for too long, have you?”

“Minhyuk isn’t here to keep it real since you keep ignoring him so I think it’s time I do it.”

“It’s okay, Wonnie.” Hoseok says. “Take your time. I told you you can stay here as long as you want. You don't have to explain anything.”

“You are always too soft on him! He knows we know what happened and he keeps pretending nothing did!” I say. “Don't you think we've given him enough space?”

“He can have as much space as he wants! We are his friends, isn’t that what we are here for?" Hoseok raises his tone a bit and Hyungwon just sighs deeply.

"I'm right here." Hyungwon says. "You two sound like my parents." 

"Well, we aren't." I say. "We are worried about you, hyung.” 

“He is hurt.” Hoseok says calmly. “He doesn't want to be alone, he needs his friends.” Hyungwon nods in agreement. “I get that. After you left I stayed at Kihyun’s place for two months!”

I feel a pang of guilt hit me hard when he says that, remembering the memories I saw in his head of all his suffering after I left. “Okay...”

“Hyunwoo is an idiot, by the way.” Hoseok tells Hyungwon. “I mean, you are the most desired man I have ever met, the most handsome man I have ever met--” I give Hoseok a deathly glare and he shows me an awkward smile. “I mean, apart from Changkyunie, of course.” I nod, hum then look back at the TV. “You are so fucking handsome, any man would wanna have you, gay or straight.”

“True.” I mumble.

“Also, you are very good in bed.” Hoseok says and I drop the controller and look at him, frowning.

“How do you know that?” I ask, loudly.

“Minhyuk told him.” Hyungwon tells me casually.

“You shared his memories with me!” Hoseok protests, speaking at the same time as Hyungwon.

I scoff. “I honestly can’t believe you fucked Minhyuk.”

“Yes. Over ten years ago. Get over it.” Hyungwon sighs and lies down on top of us, his head and shoulders on Hoseok’s lap and legs on mine. There is a long moment of silence.

“You’ve had your space.” I tell Hyungwon, patting his thighs. “Now go on, talk about it.”

“If you know what’s in my head, what do you want to talk about it?” Hyungwon asks, raising his eyebrows.

“I just want you to stop pretending you are okay. And it’s not like you think about the same thing all the time, new thoughts emerge every single second.” I tell him and Hyungwon sighs, closing his eyes. “Go on, I know you want to talk about it.”

Hyungwon sighs, rolling his eyes. He stares at the ceiling for a moment, in silence, then sighs again. “I hate him so much.” Hyungwon whispers and Hoseok starts running his fingers through his hair. 

“With good reason.” I say.

“I knew for sure he liked me back.” Hyungwon clicks his tongue, shaking his head. “I can’t believe I was so stupid.”

“Well, from what I’ve seen in your head, he definitely likes you.” I tell the man.

“Yeah.” Hoseok agrees. “But it’s probably hard for Hyunwoo to accept that he likes a man." Hoseok kisses his friend's hand and gives him a soft smile. "He has a son and he has always been with women. It's complicated." 

“Well, his son is surrounded by gay people." I say nonchalantly. "Gay couples are as common as straight couples to him. His action figures get married in all kinds of combinations.” Hyungwon groans in frustration. “Also, he is in love with Hoseok.” I tell them.

“Who?” Hoseok asks.

“Namkyu.” I reply. “He hated me when he first met, he got jealous that we were so close. He wants to marry you like uncle Min married Uncle Joo. But he likes me now, we bonded over action figures.”

Hoseok chuckles. “That’s so cute.”

“Right?” I agree, smiling.

“Shut up.” Hyungwon says calmly. “You asked me to talk and now you two are changing the subject.” He sighs. "Hyunwoo doesn't love me." He pauses, pressing his fists against his eyes then groans. "I thought all those months we spent together, when we were away, I thought when he… He touched me and we… We had such great moments. I thought…" He trails off and remains quiet. There is a long moment of silence, even longer than before. Hoseok keeps stroking his hair and I keep patting and kneading his thin thighs, waiting for him to keep talking but he doesn’t.

"Look, you can either torture yourself thinking of the awful possibilities of what is in Hyunwoo’s mind or you could talk to him. Simple.” Hoseok tells Hyungwon, grabbing a piece of candy from the package on the low table in front of the couch and shoving it in his mouth. 

“Or I could read his mind.” I suggest.

“Yes!” Hyungwon says, excitedly.

“No!” Hoseok says at the same time and they frown at each other. “We have talked about this, Changkyunie. No mind-reading without permission!”

"Well, I read Hyungwon hyung's mind and you were fine with hearing all about it." Hyungwon and I both look at him with eyebrows raised. “Why do you have to be so noble? It’s no big deal. At least Hyungwon Hyung won’t have to torture himself over it.”

Hyungwon sits up and smiles at me. “I think it’s a great idea."

Hoseok sighs. “Guys....”

“Honestly, I don’t get why you didn’t think of this before.” Hyungwon tells me.

“I did. I just didn’t say anything because I promised Hoseok I wouldn’t do it without permission.”

“See you dropped the hyung again.” Hyungwon says.

“We are dating.” I tell him with a small smirk and he smiles widely.

“Really?” Hyungwon asks and looks from me to Hoseok with a big smile. “That’s great guys. Finally.”

“Finally.” I repeat, smiling.

“I’m… I’m really happy for you.” Hyungwon says and gulps

“You don’t have to be.” Hoseok pats Hyungwon’s arm. “We know you are heartbroken. It’s okay if you aren’t.”

“I am. I am really happy for you.” Hyungwon tells us. “A little jealous, but I am happy.”

Hoseok smiles at him. “Thanks, Wonnie.”

“Hoseok, you should let me read Hyunwoo huyng’s mind.” I tell Hoseok. 

"Well…" Hyungwon smiles wickedly. "You don't actually need his permission…" 

I smile at Hyungwon then hide it when Hoseok scolds me with his eyes. "Hyung, you know how hard it is for Hyunwoo hyung to express his feelings. If Hyungwon hyung knows how Hyunwoo hyung really feels, he can either move on or confront Hyunwoo Hyung and he could stop suffering so much. I don’t wanna keep seeing hyung suffering like this. Do you?”

Hoseok sighs. “No…”

“Then it’s settled!” Hyungwon says excitedly, leaning up to squeeze my cheeks hard. I slap his hand away and groan.

Hyungwon and I decide to play Mario Kart together and Hoseok brings us some baby carrots as snacks since it's too late to try to have lunch again. We sit there for about an hour, playing video games, drinking cola, eating snacks and candy. Hoseok and I share smiles and glances as he types on his phone and I try to focus on the game. He looks so cute in my oversized lilac sweatshirt, hello kitty boxers and cow socks. I keep getting distracted from the game because he's sitting right across from me looking so relaxed and so beautiful, so cute. I just wanna kiss him.

My friends arrive about an hour later. Hyungwon rushes upstairs as soon as he hears the doorbell rings and before Hoseok can get up to go answer the door, I get on top of him and press a hard and wet kiss against his lips. He smiles between kisses, wrapping his arms around me and holding me tight.

I'm on my knees, straddling him, he has his hands on my hips and he's looking in my eyes, smiling. 

"You're fucking beautiful." He whispers as I lean down to press my lips against his softly, sliding his hands up my side, fingertips digging into my skin. 

The doorbell rings again then it's being unlocked and kicked open by Kihyun, who has Olivia in his arms. Kihyuk looks at us and just smiles then continues his way to the kitchen. Hoseok and I share a look but don't say anything about it, avoiding the Kihyun subject.

“Hi, Kyunie.” Jooheon walks in the house, dropping his grocery bags on the floor, greeting me with a large grin as Hoseok and I get up from the couch. “Having fun?” He runs to me to grab my arm and our minds immediately connect. I push him away, rolling my eyes and he chortles, grinning. “A lot of it.”

“You are a fucking perv.” I say, punching his shoulder hard. “Do you get off on my memories of Hoseok fucking me or something?”

Hoseok snorts and Jooheon shrugs, pulling me into a hug. “Maybe you didn’t train your powers as hard as you think you did.” Jooheon says, pulling away from the hug. “Or else I wouldn’t be able to get in your mind like that.”

“Well, I was too busy thinking of Hoseok’s dick right before you got here and ruined our moment so it was very hard to focus.”

“Well, maybe if you didn’t think about dick so much you wouldn’t have this problem.” Jooheon says and smiles wickedly, patting my back. “Heard you two are dating again. Congrats.”

Kihyun calls Hoseok to help with dinner. Jooheon grabs Olivia to take her to the play room. Minhyuk arrives with more groceries and Hyunwoo comes right after with Namkyu in his arms and a small smile. He is a mess. Bag under his eyes, his shaved beard growing again, eyes red, he looks so sad. His son looks sad too, tired, sleepy, his clothes messily put on. They look equally messed up.

“Hey.” He says, walking in the house and closing the door behind him.

I get up from the couch, smiling at Hyunwoo and approaching him. “Hi, hyung.” I grab Namkyu from his arms and give him a tight hug then put him down on the floor. “Oli is in the playroom.” I tell him and he shakes his head, pouting.

“Wonnie samchon.” The little boy whines.

I smile, tittering. “You miss your favorite samchon?” I ask and the boy nods, crossing his arms, on the verge of tears. “Oh, baby.” I crouch down, patting his arms as the little boy starts crying. The things I see in his mind when I peek make me wanna cry with him. “He is upstairs, go see him.” The boy immediately runs off and up the stairs and I sigh deeply, watching the little boy running desperately.

“I’m… Is Hyungwon coming down for dinner?” Hyunwoo asks, sitting down on the couch.

I sit down on the couch by his side then shrug. “Don’t know.”

There is a long moment of silence, it feels awkward. Hyunwoo sighs deeply, again and again. “He misses him.” Hyunwoo says. “Especially at night before bed. He calls for Won.”

“Namkyu has always been very attached to Won hyung, right?” I say and Hyunwoo hums, looking down at his hands then sighing deeply. 

“Pretty sure he thinks Hyungwon is his father.” He lets out a sad chuckle.

I shake my head. “He doesn’t.” I reply nonchalantly, having been the only one in the kid’s mind after all. 

Hyunwoo snaps his head up and looks at me, furrowing his eyebrows. “You know what he thinks.” He affirms like he is reminding himself. “I forgot… for a moment. I…” He sighs. “I’ve been worried about him.”

I nod, attentively.

“Is he okay?” Hyunwoo asks. “I… I didn’t even think to ask. I’ve been so… so distracted and I…” He cries. He starts crying. I literally had never seen him cry before. It’s really weird. “God, I should never have left. I fucked up so badly, Kyun and I-I’m so fucking worried about my son. He just… he just cries all the time. At home, at school. He was so happy after I got back, but now, since Won left… I’m not good with kids, I-I’ve never been.” I’m not sure if I’m reading Hyunwoo’s mind or hearing him speak, he never speaks this much. Maybe he is because he knows I can read his mind anyway. Maybe it’s a new ability of mine emerging, making people tell the truth. Who knows?

“He’s just…” I sigh. “He misses Hyungwon. He was scared… scared...”

“Scared of what?” He asks.

“Scared…” How should I tell him about what is in his son’s mind? Should I? But how can I hide it when he looks so sad and worried? “Just scared…” 

“Please, just tell me whatever…” Hyunwoo sobs. “I’m going crazy, you know?” 

I nod. “I know, I know.” I reply. “It’s just… isn’t what’s on your mind enough? You look… I’m sorry but you’re a mess. You wanna know what’s in your son’s mind too and get more messed up? Didn’t you leave to avoid seeing him suffer?”

“I shouldn’t have left.” Hyunwoo replies. “I was a coward. I’m a fucking coward, Kyunie.”

“You’re not a coward, hyung.” I tell him. “This is just an impossible situation.”

Looking at him suffering like that, crying, if he is crying in front of me it means things are really bad. And since I’ve learned to connect without showing all of my consciousness, I take his hand and let him into my mind and myself into his. And he relaxes immediately, I can feel how strong his pain is, stronger than any pain I’ve felt, and I’ve felt a lot of it, but together, it’s bearable. 

Hyunwoo is in love with Hyungwon, more than Hyungwon is in love with him, he has been in love with the younger for years, even longer than Hyungwon has, but too afraid to tell him. 

Hyunwoo was always intimidated by how attractive Hyungwon is and how many boyfriends Hyungwon has had. Intimidated by how confident Hyungwon has always been about his sexuality. He has also been scared of accepting he likes men, of coming out and having to live life as a man who likes men but also women. 

Hyunwoo feels guilty for being with Namkyu’s mother when he was still in love with Hyungwon which is why he felt so awful after she died, because he felt like he was deceiving her the whole time, which he was. He never loved her, he married her because he got her pregnant and because he wanted to get over Hyungwon, he didn’t want to be in a relationship with a man because it scared him.

Hyunwoo is worried he isn’t a good father, worried about his son, pained he watches the little boy cry himself to sleep every night, crying for his mother and for his samchon Hyungwon. His pain is so intense, his mind is too negative, too demanding, too dark, it overwhelms me after a minute of connection, it’s almost too strong for me but I push through it.

His mind is very confusing, but even with all the negativity, it’s beautiful, he is kind, too kind, too hard on himself. He hides many things. I never could have imagined this is what his mind is like. It’s a lot different from connecting with the other minds I have. The Hyunwoo I knew is only a fraction of what is in his mind, Hyunwoo talks very little but thinks so much. 

Hyunwoo’s mind gets even darker and sadder when I share what’s in his son’s mind, when he finds out his son was scared Hyungwon had died too when he left. That his son was scared his father would die too, that his son was sad, confused, angry.

Connecting with him is hard, it’s heavy, it’s confusing, it’s too much, I lose consciousness for a moment. I wake up a few moments later and Hoseok is kneeling by my side, yelling at Hyunwoo, asking what he did. Hyunwoo is staring at Hoseok wide eyed in silence. I take both their hands to show them both everything is okay but when I do, Hoseok pulls his own hand away quickly and Hyunwoo’s too.

“What in the world are you doing?” Hoseok asks, wiping my nose, probably blood. I feel a bit dizzy, blinking a few times, staring at Hoseok for a second, trying to get back into this world. 

“Hyunwoo hyung…” I mumble, taking a deep breath. “He…” As I sit up, Hoseok stands up, looking at me with a look of worry.

“What’s going on?” Jooheon asks, walking out of the kitchen, to the living room. “Who’s yelling?”

“Me!” Hoseok yells. “I got here and Changkyun was passed out with a bleeding nose! Passed out!”

“Stop yelling.” I whisper. “My head hurts.”

“Hyung, what happened?” Jooheon asks Hyunwoo.

“I…” Hyunwoo seems to take a second to gather his words. “He took my hand and we… things felt… he just fainted, I just…”

“I’m fine.” I say.

“Fine?” Hoseok asks. “You were passed out, bleeding, I thought you were dead! Do you know how scary this psychic mind power thing is? You said you’d take care of yourself!”

“What’s with the yelling?” Minhyuk asks nonchalantly, coming out from the kitchen holding a tablecloth.

“Hoseok is freaking out over nothing.” I tell Minhyuk like Hoseok isn’t in the room.

“Nothing?” Hoseok scoffs. “You’re so…”

“I was trying to help Hyunwoo.” I tell Hoseok. “And I’m not sure if you guys noticed but he is the person who needs help the most of us all.” I say to all of them. “He is in so much pain, not even both our minds can take it at once.” The other men in the room keep quiet. “Where have you guys been? While he's been in so much pain?” 

“What do you mean where have we been? He's always pushing us away!” Minhyuk yells in frustration. “How are we supposed to help? We can't fucking read minds!” 

“What's with all this yelling?” Hyungwon asks, coming down the stairs with Namkyu in his arms who is clinging to him for dear life. Hyungwon and Hyunwoo are both good at hiding emotions but right now, only Hyungwon is, not even sparing Hyunwoo a glance. Hyunwoo seems to be on the verge of tears once again when he sees Hyungwon.

"Won," Hyunwoo says, letting out a sharp breath like he's been holding it for hours. It catches everyone's attention. 

Hyungwon gives him a forced smile then pays him no mind, kissing Namkyu's cheek, making the boy giggle like he hasn't in a while. 

"What happened?" Hyungwon asks me. 

"I told you two not to do it." Hoseok says, looking at Hyungwon. "Why did you insist? What if something had happened?" 

"This has never happened before." I say. "Only that one time but I was still new at this. I'm stronger now. And I know you worry, I appreciate it, but sometimes it's too much. I'm fine." 

Hoseok has his eyebrows furrowed, nostrils puffed, tears streaming down his face. "We've all lost enough." Hoseok says. "I can't lose you, Changkyunie. I can't be without you again."

"Oh, baby." I stand up to wrap my arms around Hoseok and pull him into a tight hug, chastely kissing his lips. "I'm okay." I whisper between kisses. "I won't leave. I'm here. I'm here forever." 

"I love you." He whispers in my ear. "And I'm really hungry." 

I draw away from the hug, chuckling. "Go back to the kitchen then." I tell him. "We can continue the smooching once everyone is gone." I wink at him and sit down. 

Minhyuk, Jooheon and Hoseok go back to the kitchen. Hyungwon is sitting down on the last step of the stairs, Namkyu is in his lap, his head buried in his samchon’s neck, biting his collarbone, drifting off to sleep. Hyunwoo tries to take his son from Hyungwon but the child whines and refuses and clings harder onto Won. 

“Appa is waiting." Hyungwon whispers to Namkyu trying to get him off his lap but the little boy refuses to get off, he holds onto Hyungwon tightly.

"Go to your appa, dumpling." Hyungwon tells the young child.

Namkyu whines, pressing his face into Hyungwon's chest. Hyungwon tries to put the child down but the kid screams. "Samchon, don't leave." Namkyu cries. "Mommy said Samchon Hyungwon would take care of me." The child cries. "She said I'd have two nice appas, she said. Don't leave me Won samchon, please. Daddy doesn't brush my teeth well like you or mommy. Please don't leave me.”

“I won't baby.” Hyungwon assures him. “I'll never leave you, okay? I'm sorry.” He kisses the top of the child’s head, holding him like he is protecting him from the whole world. “Samchon is right here. I'm right here.” 

“Why doesn't Samchon come home?” The child asks. 

Hyungwon sighs and gives the child a small smile. I watch then, biting my nail nervously. “I thought Wonnie Samchon left like mommy.” 

Hyungwon looks at Namkyu wide eyed. “Oh, baby, no. Of course not.” Hyungwon kisses the child’s cheeks, nose and forehead again and again. “I won't leave you. Ever. I'll be here taking good care of you okay?” 

“I miss Wonnie Samchon.” The child cries. “I miss Wonnie Samchon.”

“I'm here, baby boy.” Hyungwon tells the child, rocking him back and forth. Hyunwoo watches Hyungwon with adoration in his eyes. I am tempted to read Hyunwoo’s mind but I am scared to do it again.

“Are you coming home with me and appa?” Namkyu asks, once he manages to stop crying, holding onto Hyungwon’s shirt collar with one tiny hand and rubbing his eye with the other, looking into Hyungwon’s eyes. 

Hyungwon smiles at the child sympathetically and sighs. “You can stay here.” He tells the youngest. “You love your room here, don't you? We can sleep very very close.” 

“Come home.” Hyunwoo says. 

Hyungwon finally looks at Hyunwoo and fakes a smile. “I'm good here.” He replies.

“I-I... I miss you." Hyunwoo whispers, like he is scared to.

“Namkyu, why don't you come play Mario Kart with Samchon?” Hyungwon asks the child, ignoring his father. “Remember I was teaching you?” 

Namkyu nods then gets up quickly, takes Hyungwon's hands with his tiny little ones and brings him to the couch, pointing at the seat, the spot right by where I’m sitting, and telling Hyungwon to sit down then sitting on his lap. 

Hyunwoo sits by Hyungwon and I sit there, watching the interaction, feeling tiredness finally overwhelm me after the rush of the small fight with Hoseok. 

Namkyu gets completely immersed in the game on the screen, pressing the same button again and again, stuck on the choose your character screen. Hyunwoo leans down to rest his head on Hyungwon's shoulder and tries to take his hand but Hyungwon draws it away. 

“Just tell him. I tell the eldest.

Hyunwoo shakes his head and whispers “I can't.” 

“Hey, Namkyu.” Hyungwon calls the child with a smile and he looks at his favorite uncle with an even bigger smile. “Should we go take a bath?” 

“Wonnie…” Hyunwoo whispers.

Hyungwon sighs in annoyance. I nudge him and he looks at me, like he is asking me what the hell I want with his eyes. I tilt my head to the side, widening my eyes and Hyungwon rolls his own then looks at Hyunwoo. 

Hyunwoo takes Hyungwon’s hand and Hyungwon lets him. He stares at Hyungwon for a long moment, just stares. Hyungwon seems to get tired of it but when he is about to get up, Hyunwoo pulls him by the arm saying “I love you.”

Hyungwon looks at him, frowning. He stares at Hyunwoo for a long moment then looks at me. “Did you do something?” Hyungwon asks. 

“What?” I retort, furrowing my eyebrows in confusion. 

“To make him say this.” Hyungwon explains. “Why else would he say this? Can you control minds?”

“Because he does love you.” I tell Hyungwon and he lets out a tiny gasp, like he got the answer to solving a confusing puzzle. 

“I do.” Hyunwoo gets on his knees in front of Hyungwon and his son, taking both their hands. His son is confused, he doesn’t understand but he is happy to see his samchon and his daddy together. Hyungwon keeps looking at Hyunwoo with widened eyes, confusion plastered over him, happiness filling his heart. “I've been in love with you for so long”. Hyunwoo says, looking into his eyes then clicks his tongue and sighs in frustration, biting back tears. “It's so scary.”

Hyungwon stares at the man in front of him for a long moment, so long I’d be anxious if I didn’t know what is in his head. He is so happy but so confused and worried about Hyunwoo. He leans forward and leaves a soft kiss on Hyunwoo's cheek, smiling. 

Hyunwoo lays his hand on his cheek, smiling widely, ears going completely red. 

Hyunwoo's son lets out a loud and happy laugh. "Samchon kissed appa." He sings happily. "I want kiss too." 

Hyungwon chuckles and gives Namkyu a big and hard kiss on the cheek and Namkyu laughs out loud again. Hearing a child laugh is just healing. It makes me energized and happy. 

I look behind me to see Hoseok standing by the stairs with a big smile. I look at him and smile at him, getting up to near him. “Guess Wonnie hyung is going home.” I whisper to Hoseok, draping an arm over his shoulders, watching Hyunwoo and Hyungwon fill Namkyu with kisses. 

Hoseok looks at me, frowning then pulls me into a hug, tightening his arms around me. "Please, take care of yourself." He whispers. "I…"

"I will." I whisper. "Don't worry."

"I love you so much, Changkyunie. I was so worried. I thought-"

"I'm okay." I tell him. "I'm just really, really, really fucking hungry."

Hoseok chuckles, pulling away from the hug. "I love you." He whispers, running his hands up my neck to cup my cheek. "Be around for a long time." 

I smile. "I will." I assure him. "Let's eat. I'm starving." 


	9. Happiness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Changkyun feels happiness, discovers a new power.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you guys enjoy it! sorry for grammar mistakes and shitty writing lol

Last night I realized that other people’s happiness is like a drug to me. I found out I don’t have to connect my mind, thoughts, memories and feelings at once, I can share them all individually. And I did it with the other people in the room without meaning to, because I was so focused on the intense happiness I felt.   
I connected with every single one of my friends at once. Unexpectedly, it made me stronger and made me feel things so good they are hard to describe. They were all so happy, I was buzzing from feeling all of that, it was addicting. I found out that I get weaker when I connect with people with too many negative emotions and stronger when I connect with people with too many happy emotions.   
There were many reasons everyone was happy. Kihyun has a new boyfriend, a guy from work who had been asking him out for a while. Olivia learned how to write hers and her dads’ full name, Hyungwon and Hyunwoo made up, Namkyu was happy to see his ‘dads’ together, Jooheon and Minhyuk were just happy they’ve been having time to have a lot of sex lately and Hoseok was just happy I was around again.   
But those were one of the many reasons they were happy. What made their happiness stronger, though, was that they were happy for each other, and happy they were together. Therefore I was too. And in that moment, I wanted to sit at that dinner table with my friends, holding Hoseok’s hand, eating delicious food, making silly jokes, laughing so hard my belly hurt, for the rest of my life.  
The high of happiness didn’t end when they all went to sleep in the living room at three in the morning and I got too upstairs, too far to read their minds. Hoseok took me up, kissed me tenderly, begged me to fuck him. While he was lying down on his stomach and I was thrusting my cock inside of him, I connected our feelings and shared those of happiness, it was better than any drug I’ve ever taken. Hoseok was so happy he cried.  
When we fell asleep, our minds were still connected. We shared a beautiful dream in which we are both in the sky, having a picnic on top of a plane. It was wholesome, simple and simply perfect.  
The next morning, Hoseok wakes me up with kisses on my cheek and ear, rocking me slowly. Being woken up by Hoseok is one of my favorite things in the world. He kisses me and plays with my hair until I wake up. When I open my eyes and see his face I smile widely and press my lips against his in a soft kiss.   
"Good morning." Hoseok whispers, brushing his lips against mine.   
I press my hand to his face and caress his cheek with my thumb. "Very good morning."   
"Sleep okay?" He asks.   
“You know I did.” I whisper.   
“That dream was really nice.” He whispers, running his fingers through my hair and smiles.  
“Yeah.” I drape an arm over his and give him a soft kiss on the shoulder. “I’ve… I didn’t know I could feel this happy. Especially after mom left.”  
“You don’t have to feel guilty.” I tell him, massaging his ear softly. “She’d want you to be happy.”  
He nods, pursing his lips. “I know. I just wish she was here to see… to feel this.” He sighs.   
I give him a sympathetic smile then he smiles at me and slowly draws me in with the hand on the back of my neck to give me a soft kiss on the lips. “I’m here now.” I whisper. “I will take care of you. For her.”  
He titters, nodding slowly then presses another soft kiss to my lips. “I know.”  
“I love you.” I tell him.  
I wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him, wanting to deepen the kiss but not doing it because of my morning breath. But he deepens the kiss anyway, sliding his tongue into my mouth. He tastes like strawberry cheesecake, coffee and love.   
I pull away, widening my eyes. "There's strawberry cheesecake?" I ask, smiling excitedly.   
He chuckles. "Yes. I got it for you but… Ate half of it…" He tells me. “I got you some stuff from the store. Banana milk, fruit cake--”  
I interrupt him by giving him a hard chaste kiss on the lips then pull away, smiling. "You're the best boyfriend in the world, you know?"  
He nods. "You've told me many times."   
I bite my lower lip then chuckle, shaking my head. "And you love hearing it." I whisper. He stares at me for a second, with a small smirk then nods slowly.   
"Wove you." He whispers cutely, burying his face on my chest.   
I chuckle, patting his head, kiss the top of it then nuzzle it. "I wove you too, baby."   
He rests his chin on my chest, looking up at me and pouting."Your manager is outside waiting for you on the porch." He tells me. "He texted when you were asleep. I didn't wanna wake you up so I just answered the text for you."  
I sigh deeply. "I'd forgotten about all this shirt." I whisper, running my fingers through his hair.   
"Me too." Hoseok says, draping an arm over my stomach then pursing his lips. "Your manager makes me feel really uncomfortable, Kyunie. When I answered the door he just… he looks really evil."   
I chuckle. "He's not evil, he's a good guy, Seok." I tell Hoseok.   
Hoseok sighs. "I don't think so. You just think that because your first manager was so much worse."  
I stare at Hoseok and don't say anything.   
"Can't someone else help with this? He isn't even P.R, babe. I don't trust this guy. He was weird and really rude to me and..."   
"What?" I ask, raising my eyebrows. "Seriously?"   
"You can see for yourself." He says, tapping his forehead. "He didn't even greet me, he just asked where you were and kept looking inside the house like I wasn't even standing there."   
"That's… very unusual. He's always so polite."  
"Well, he wasn't." Hoseok huffs, looks down and his expression goes from happy to completely sad and scared. I've seen it before. hoseok turns over to lie on his other side. I near him, pressing against his back and kissing his ear.   
"What's wrong?" I whisper.   
"Nothing."   
"Babe…"   
"I just…" He trails off and sighs.   
"Just what?"   
"Don't call me crazy, okay?"   
I furrow my eyebrows. "What? Why would I do that?"   
"I just… I think... I'm pretty sure I've seen him before, Kyun." Hoseok whispers.   
"Really?" I ask. "Where? On TV?"   
"Not on TV, but like…" Hoseok sighs for the nth time then turns over again to face me. He looks down, running a hand up and down my chest, in silence then sighs again, looking back up at me. "Remember when I… when I got sick? And I used to see those people near the house, our apartment, the stores we went to… but we thought they weren't real…"   
I nod, humming, looking at him with a concerned expression and tugging a strand of his hair behind his ear. "I remember."  
"I think they were, Kyun. I saw this guy, your manager." Hoseok tells me, looking down like he's ashamed. "I saw him out the window and at the store with other people. He was looking at me."   
I look at Hoseok for a moment then lean forward to softly kiss his forehead. "Babe…"   
"Don't say I'm crazy." Hoseok says firmly. "I'm not. You've looked into my head, you'd know if I was. So look again, you'll see it's him."   
I do look into his head. There are many memories of him in the places he mentioned, the feeling of being watched and followed, fear and worry. He sees people in casual wear, standing and looking at him. And many of those times, my manager is there. I keep staring at Hoseok and shake my head. "Babe, memories can be distorted." I explain. "Sometimes we see them as we remember, not as they happened. Some moments we've had together are very different from the other's perspective. It doesn't mean it's him or… Babe, you were sick…"   
"Then why would I remember him? I didn't even know him." Hoseok asks.   
"Maybe you saw him on TV or—"   
"I didn't." He interrupts me. "I feel uneasy, Changkyunie. I'm worried."   
I shake my head. "Don't be." I whisper, trailing my hand up and down his arm. "He's here to help me and my career. I know him, okay? I've had dinner with his family, played with his kids, he's a good man. You know how much he's helped me."   
"I know, babe. But… I just don't feel good about this. What if…"   
"Now who's the overthinker, hm?" I ask and softly knock his forehead, coaxing a smile from him. "You worry too much."  
"I can't help it." He says and softly punches my chest.   
"I'm fine. The guy is harmless, okay?" Hoseok just looks at me with a big and adorable pout. I pinch his pouch and he furrows his eyebrows in annoyance. "Why don't we just let him wait outside for a bit, hm?" I ask, sliding my hand up his arm to his ear, to massage it. "We can go downstairs, kiss our nephew and niece, sit side by side at the kitchen table, chat with the guys, eat cheesecake... I'll see my manager after breakfast, we can shower together when he's gone. I promise I'll be quick, you won't even remember he was here after."   
He sighs deeply then nods slowly. "Just don't trust him." He says. "And be careful."   
"I told you I only trust you." I tell him and give him a chaste kiss on the lips. "Let's go eat."  
"Let me kiss you for a bit first." He whisper before leaning in to capture my lips with his own.   
We lie there kissing for a while then he excuses himself to the bathroom to pee. I smack his ass hard when he gets up to leave and he whimpers then chuckles and keeps on walking.   
I hurry off the bed, put on sweatpants and a large black tee, then downstairs to the kitchen. Everyone is gathered there. The feeling of happiness in my chest getting even stronger. Hyungwon, Namkyu, Olivia and Minhyuk are sitting down, eating, Jooheon and Hyunwoo washing the dishes and Kihyun sweeping the floor.   
"Where's the cheesecake?" I ask, walking in the kitchen.   
"We ate all of it." Minhyuk says.   
"What?" I whine. "You little--"   
"He's kidding." Kihyun says. "It's in the fridge. Hoseok almost threatened to kill us if we ate it."   
I chuckle, smiling excitedly. I run to the fridge and when I open it I find a single piece of cheesecake. A huge piece. And it looks delicious. I grab the plate of cheesecake, a spoon from the cabinet and take it to the table, sitting down next to Namkyu who gives me a dirty look.   
"Hey, Kihyun hyung." I call him and he turns around to look at me.  
"Hm?" Kihyun hums in response.  
"How are you?" I ask.   
"How am I? What do you mean?" He raises his eyebrows and puts his hands on his hips.   
"I mean it's a simple question, isn't it? Uh… How are you doing?"   
"Changkyun, I'm not mad at you if that's why you're asking. Holding grudges is exhausting." He replies.   
"Why do you ask Kihyun hyung if he's okay but not me?" Jooheon asks, looking at me with a pout.   
"I'll ask you later." I tell him. "Kihyun hyung?"   
"I'm fine." Kihyun tells me. "Why are you asking?"   
"Can't I worry about your well being?" I ask.   
Kihyun shrugs and goes back to sweeping the room.   
"Kihyunie is going out with that guy from work." Minhyuk tells us.   
"That was supposed to be a secret." Kihyun says.   
"No secrets amongst family." Hyungwon, Hyunwoo, Minhyuk and Jooheon say at the same time and smile at each other.   
I scoff. "Also, I can read minds."   
Minhyuk rolls his eyes, Jooheon says "Oh… Right and the others don't react  
"I knew you guys would make it a big deal." Kihyun tells us. "I'm still testing the waters."  
"Because you're in love with Hoseok?" I ask, with my mouth full of cheesecake, looking down at my plate.   
Kihyun sighs. "Can't you read minds?" He asks.   
"Well, your mind is super confusing." I tell him. "When it comes to Hoseok it is. You think one thing and then another and then—"   
"Stop exposing what's in my mind, Changkyun." Kihyun says. "I just don't wanna get hurt, okay? I need time to know if I can trust this guy, if he likes me or—"   
"Are you, though? In love with Hoseok hyung?" Jooheon asks.   
"I…" Kihyun shrugs. "I thought I was. I don't know."   
"What don't you know?" Hyunwoo asks, cleaning foam off his hands with the water and turning around to look at Kihyun.   
"It's nothing…" Kihyun sighs, crouching down and grabbing the dust pan from the corner to gather the dirt.   
"Just spill." Minhyuk says.   
"Leave it." Kihyun replies.   
"I'll just read your mind again then." I tell him and he groans.   
"Kyun, just don't." Kihyun says.   
"Well, you won't talk... I know you want to." I say with a smirk.   
He stands up once he's gathered all the dust, throws it in the trash, goes into the laundry room to leave the broom and dustpan there and comes back, sighing with his hands on his hips.  
"So?" Hyungwon asks as we all stare at Kihyun.   
Kihyun paces around for a moment then sits by my side. "I have felt weird for a while." I gulp when Kihyun says that. Shit, did I fuck up his brain by controlling his mind? Should I have done something the past few weeks instead of watching him close like Hoseok said?  
"Weird how?" Hyunwoo asks, sitting by Kihyun's side.   
"Like… Free?" Kihyun says, tilting his head. "It was so sudden like… I feel like my heart has ached for years for loving Hoseok. The pain of knowing he'd never love me like I loved him was torture. I felt like I was stuck. I couldn't date anyone or do anything, I just wanted him. And it hurt. But then suddenly it didn't and I felt so… Free?"   
"Just like that?" Minhyuk asks. Jooheon looks at me, raising an eyebrow. I know he knows I can control minds and what I did to Kihyun but he keeps quiet and looks down, smirking.   
Kihyun shrugs. "Maybe Changkyun coming back made me come to my senses. And it's good I did. I feel good. I feel light and it's amazing. Last night I only scrubbed my toilet once before using it. Only once!"   
"Wow." Hyungwon says with a big smile. "That's huge."   
"I know!" Kihyun says, excitedly. "And when I went out with that guy, I didn't even think of Hoseok like I did every single time I tried to date before."   
"Ki, that's great." Hyunwoo tells Kihyun.  
"Yeah." Minhyuk takes Kihyun's hand and smiles at him. "We are really happy for you."   
"But you're still his friend, right?" I ask. "You're not… leaving him alone for good, right?"  
"Of course not." Kihyun tells me. "He's my best friend."   
I feel very relieved to know that I didn't fuck up my boyfriend's relationship with his best friend because of my crazy mind controlling powers. And Kihyun seems happier, no bags under his eyes or grumpiness like before.   
"By the way." I say, once I finish my cheesecake. "Hoseok and I are back together."  
"Really?" Minhyuk asks and I nod.   
"That's awesome, man." Hyunwoo tells me, smiling, even if he already knew it, having seen what's in my head last night, he cheers for me.  
"Don't go breaking his heart again." Kihyun says, narrowing his eyes and pointing at me.  
"Yeah." Hyungwon agrees. "I don't think he could take it if you left again."   
"True. He was fucked up the time you did." Jooheon says.  
"I know." I say. "But I won't leave. Or hurt him. I love him. I've learned from my mistakes." I tell them.   
"You better have." Minhyuk says. "Or I'll beat your ass. No matter how cute you are."   
We chat for a bit more, then I remember my manager is outside waiting for me. Hoseok doesn't show up, I assume he's still in the bathroom. So I plan on making the conversation quick with my manager to get back inside and find Hoseok in the bathroom to go shower with him.   
I run out of the kitchen to the door then go outside to find my manager. He's sitting on the lover's seat on the porch on his phone, when he hears the door open, he looks at me, smiling.  
"Changkyun." He says happily, with a big smile on.   
"Come on in." I tell him, motioning to the door."  
"I was thinking we could go for a walk." He suggests. "There seems to be a lot of people inside?"   
"Yeah, but they won't bother us." I assure him with a small smile.   
"Still, I wanna walk around for a bit. Is that okay?"   
"Okay." I say, nodding. "I'll just grab my phone upstairs and--"   
"We won't be long." He says. "Just grab your coat. Let's go." He sounds weird. I try to read his mind but I'm not able to. Maybe it's because I'm tired.   
"Hoseok, my boyfriend, he worries when I don't have my phone with me." I explain. "Especially now I'm in recovery from the surgery."   
He clicks his tongue. "I have my phone, he can text me if he needs."   
"Okay." I grab my hoodie that's hung behind the door and my shoes on the shoe rack.   
My manager and I walk down the porch steps to the streets. We walk in an awkward silence for a while, the cold breeze making my cheeks heat up. It feels weird to be with him again. I think of the fact that he hasn't been around since I got injured. Maybe Hoseok is right, maybe I got too excited to make sure my career wasn't ruined and contacted him. Maybe he isn't a good man after all.   
"I'm sorry I didn't reach out to you." He says, breaking the silence. My head snaps up in surprise when I hear his voice.   
"It's fine." I tell him with a small smile on. "Hoseok took good care of me."   
A corner of his lips go up in a tiny smile. He keeps his hands shoved in his pockets and staring down at his feet. "That's good."   
"Can we just talk about business and not have a cheesy conversation about feelings?" He nods.   
"Does the company still want me?" I ask then take a deep breath. "What do I do about all this?"   
"Don't worry about it."   
"What do you mean don't worry about it?" I ask. "People find any excuse to ruin me, these little things could fuck things up for me and—"   
"Don't worry about it." He repeats.   
"I am very worried." I tell him. "People are believing some bullshit Hyunseok is feeding them. No one in the company has contacted me in months. Are they dropping me? Is that it?"   
He sighs but doesn't say anything.   
"Why? Why are they dropping me? They've always been fine with my sexuality. They took advantage of it to make money and now they're dropping me?"  
The man still didn't respond.   
And when I'm about to start whining about the company and their fucked up aways, someone covers my head with a bag and I'm roughly pulled off my feet. My arms are held behind my back, I can't see anything and I'm being dragged away. I try to scream but the bag is pressed so hard against my face I can barely breathe, I try to get away with all the strength I have, trying to elbow them, kick them, but they're much stronger than me, holding me too tightly.   
I try to read any mind that is around me but it's like there's no one there even though there's more than one person holding me. Maybe it’s their emotions, they might be weakening me. I feel what they feel but can’t read their minds. I feel their anger, their lack of empathy, lack of love, lack of positive emotions. There’s only darkness. I scream, even though my screams are muffled by the bag and I wince loudly when I'm thrown in what feels like it's a vehicle.   
"What do you want?" I yell. "Who are you?"  
But no one says anything. It's like there's no one there. But there is. Because I feel my arms being tied behind my back, tightly and my legs are also being tied.   
"Who is there?" I yell and I feel warm tears stream down my face. I'm so scared I feel like I'm about to pee my pants. What do they want? Money? I can give them money. "Is it money you want?" I ask but there's no reply. "I have money. I'll give it all to you if you let me go."   
The silence is deafening. No one says anything and it seems like no one thinks anything. I hadn't noticed how much I began to rely on my powers until now I can't use them. I hear the engine roar and the van or whatever it is I'm in, drives off.   
"Please. Let me go. I'll give you however much money you want!"   
Then I feel the sting of a needle on my arm and whatever is in it makes me feel very sleepy. I try to fight it but I can't so I pass out. And the last thing I think of is that I promised Hoseok I'd be safe, I promised I'd stay with him, I promised so many things. Hoseok was right once again. My manager is definitely not a good man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hehe sorry for the cliffhanger... it was expected though, wasn't it?  
> please let me know what you think! i feed off of comments like every writer haha  
> thanks for reading


	10. Jeong

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!!

"You're an idiot!" I yelled, slamming my fists on the steering wheel. "I told you we should've taken the train!" 

"Don't call me that!" Hoseok yelled back. "I just wanted to spend some time with you!" I rolled my eyes. "Is it a bad thing I wanted to take you on a romantic getaway and not take the fucking train?" I didn't reply. "You know you're so fucking busy for me now you started your career! We never spend any time together--” 

"We always spend time together, we fucking live together." I said. 

"It feels like we don't, though!" 

I rolled my eyes again. "Well, now we have a flat tire in the middle of nowhere with no spare! I told you a hundred times to get a new one--" 

"I know what you told me!” He yelled in frustration then sighed deeply. 

“Then why didn’t you fucking listen?” I said through my teeth. 

“You say that like you listen to me. You never do.”

“I do listen!” 

“You don’t. I told you I missed spending time with you and now you're just being an asshole because of something I have no control of. I forgot the fucking spare tire. Arguing with me won't make one suddenly appear." He sighed. "Do you not want to spend time with me anymore? Now you're famous?"

"Hoseok, don't be ridiculous. Of course I do."

“Well, you're acting like going on a trip with me is a fucking tall order.” He said, calmly. "If you didn't want you, you could've said so." 

"I want to." I told him. "I'm sorry." I said, pushing down my seat so I could lie back. He did the same and lied on his side, facing away from me. I could see him pouting on his reflection on the window. 

I gripped his arm and shook him, whining. "Babe…" He ignored me. "Babe…" 

He huffed and didn't reply. 

I leaned down to press a kiss to his ear and drape an arm over his waist. "I'm sorry." I whispered in his ear. "I've been stressed and… I'm really sorry, okay?" I kissed his cheek then his ear and he slowly turned his head to look at me and pressed his lips against mine. 

I smiled against his lips, taking his hand and squeezing it tightly. 

"Sorry." I whispered again. 

"The tow truck will probably be here soon." He whispered. "So we can go home if you want. I'm sure I can get a refund from the hotel." 

I shook my head. "No," I kissed his lips and smiled at him. "I want to come. Want to spend time with my Seokie." 

He wrinkled his nose and smiled. "Yeah?" 

I hummed, nodding. "Of course." I whispered. "I'm sorry I've been so busy." 

"It's okay if you are." He told me. "I just don't want you to forget me." 

"I won't ever." I said with a smile. "I love you more than anything in the entire world and I want to be with you for the rest of my life." 

He tittered, leaning closer to nuzzle my nose. "Love you." 

I leaned closer to him, smirking and pressed my lips against his. He smiled against my lips and slid his hand to the back of my head, pulling me closer. 

“Can you get something in the trunk for me?" He asked and I hummed in reply. "Get the lube then. I think we have some time before the truck gets here." 

Minds are very interesting and unexpected. After I got these powers, I can access my memories so easily and they're clear, like they're happening right now. Even when I'm asleep, I can access memories like a dream. It's like I can separate myself from myself and just read my own mind. While I'm passed out, my mind keeps bringing back memories of the happy times I've had with Hoseok, again and again in an endless loop. I don't know where I am, how long I've been unconscious or how long this loop of memories has been playing, I don't know anything. I don't mean to bring back these memories, I'm unconscious after all, but maybe that's the way my body deals with the stress of being kidnapped.

When I wake up, though, all the memories seem far away and all the stress, fear and darkness come back at once, hitting me like a truck. The first thing I realize when I wake up is that the room smells like a dentist's office. The second thing I notice, when I try to get up, is that my wrists, neck and legs are strapped down to a hospital bed. I am scared to open my eyes but I do, because if I wanna get out of here and get back to Hoseok, I need to. But I'm not in a hospital. I'm in a big room with walls made of metal, an old and rusty metal hospital bed, my arm is hooked to an I.V and there are several strings glued to my chest, monitoring my heartbeats. The beep of the machine makes me feel even more tense. The room is mostly dark, only lit by a faint emergency light, it feels like I'm in a horror movie. 

My throat hurts, I am thirsty. My stomach is growling, it hurts. My head hurts. It hurts all over. My heart is beating so fast. I'm scared. I can't see anything or feel any minds around me. Are my powers gone? Why can't I read minds? Am I alone? What do they want?

I can't hold back the tears that stream down my face. Tears of fear, of pain, of hunger, of thirst. All I can think about is Hoseok. He must be so worried. How long have I been here? Why does my head hurt so much? 

"Hello?" I yell. My voice is hoarse, probably from the lack of hydration, it hurts to speak but I try again. "Hello!" I sob, this time my voice is stronger but I cough out loud when I do speak. "Where am I?" I ask, swallowing as much saliva as I can to try to ease the dryness in my throat and yell louder. "What is this?" I cry out loud. "What do you want?" I yell so loudly my throat hurts. 

"The subject is awake, sir." I finally hear a voice after a long moment of deafening silence. 

"Hello?" I yell again then cough hard. It makes my head and my chest hurt. 

There's a creek of what it seems like a metal door being opened then my manager, Jeong, emerges into the light. He's wearing scrubs and he has a stethoscope around his neck. He looks different, there's a dark aura around him. I try to read his mind but I can't. I only feel pain, fear, frustration. 

"What's this?" I whisper, wheezing. "What are you doing?" 

He ignores my question and walks towards me. When he gets closer, I try to stop him and get off the straps but he examines me like he is examining a doll, like I'm an object. He examines my head then checks, it hurts, I wince in pain when he roughly rips my dressing. He applies something to my wound then puts the dressing back on. I try to set myself free from the straps again and again, I try to yell but it feels like my throat will give out, I try to bite him but it's pointless to try to free myself from such strong straps. I just cry harder. 

"What are you doing?" I cry. "What's going on?" I ask, again and again. 

"You're recovering well from the surgery." He tells me, casually, finally acknowledging my presence. 

"Surgery?" I ask. "What surgery?" He doesn't answer my question. I try to find words, the right questions to ask but it's hard to. The way he looks at me is scary, like I'm a meaningless toy. "Did you guys steal my organs?” I yell, voice shaky and rasp. Oh, shit. My manager is a doctor for organ trafficking. They stole my kidney. I am going to die. 

Jeong sighs and doesn't reply. 

"Who are you?" I ask. "Why are you holding me here?" 

"I have to.” He whispers as he checks the monitor by the bed. 

“What the fuck do you mean?" I ask, crying like a baby. "W-hy would you need… Why are you doing this? Why are you… Am I going to die?" I cry, desperately. "Which, which organs did you take? Which… Please. I'm sorry, I-I don't know what I-I just, I don't want to die. Please, I don't want to die--”

“Organs?” He asks and scoffs. “I didn't take any organs." He sighs. "There's a lot you don't know, Changkyun.”

“What?” I whisper. "Please, I just want to go home." I yell at him, tears not ceasing. "My boyfriend-- Hoseok, he must be worried. Please. I-I-I have a family, please, I-I'll give you money, I'll give you everything, please I—" 

“This isn’t what this is about." He says calmly, emotionless. "This is about you." He sounds so emotionless, like a psychopath in a jorro movie. "You're special." He tells me with a wicked smile, running his hand down my arm. It's scary. It makes me feel sick. "We haven’t taken anything from your body. Only added to it. Don't worry." 

"What do you mean?" I yell, trying to release myself from the straps that hold me down. "Just… Let me…" I trail off, crying out loud and sobbing, trying to get off the bed but being held down by it. It hurts my wrists and my body, I feel like I'll break from trying to set myself free. He just stares at me with that wicked smile, which just makes me cry harder. 

He grabs a metal chair from the corner of the room then comes back and sits by the bed. 

"You work for us now." He tells me. 

"Work for who?" I yell, even though my throat is begging me to stop. "Who… how am I supposed to work for you? I'm strapped to a chair I… Please, just please…"

"Stop." He says, holding down my arm so I stop trying to break free of the straps. "You'll hurt yourself." 

"You fucking strapped me to a bed and did surgery on me and now you're worried about me being hurt?" I scoff, shaking my head. "What the fuck—" 

"Do you want me to sedate you again?" He asks me in almost a whisper. I think of fighting more against the straps so he will sedate me but if I do, I won't be able to try to escape and get to Hoseok. I lie still and stare at him in silence. "You know I can take a lot from you." He says. "Your career, your family, your… Hoseok, right?" I gulp nervously, tears streaming down my face as he stares at me with a wicked smile. "So be a good boy, will you?" I keep quiet. 

He stares at the heart monitor for a while, picks his chin with a blank expression. "We will start the project now." 

"What project?" I whisper fearfully. 

"You." He explains. "You're the project." 

"W-what do you mean?" 

He pats my arm and sighs, a small smile on his face. "Do you remember when you were a kid? And you fell from the playhouse? Broke your arm and cracked your skull?" 

"How do you…" 

"We know everything." He replies to my unfinished question. "Everything. I frown, I know I look scared, I don't want to. 

"Your brain is…" He sighs, smiling. "Remarkable." 

"What?” I whisper. “Please, just tell me… Where am I?" I ask softly." "What do you want from me?" 

"Stop asking questions and listen to me. Then you'll understand." 

"Can you… can you at least get me out of these?" I ask, looking at the straps on my limbs. 

He sighs in annoyance "Do you want to understand what's going on?" I nod to answer his question. "Then shut up." He says, calmly. I take a deep breath, trying to calm myself down and nod. "When you were a kid and you hurt yourself, you had to have a brain scan, remember?" 

"Why are you mentioning this?" I whisper, avoiding to look into his eyes. 

"We have looked for people like you for years, all over the world. We have doctors in every single hospital to look out for brains like yours." 

"Who's we?" I raise my head and look at him wide eyed, tears still streaming down my face "What do you mean brains like mine?" 

"Developed." He replies. "For years, we've looked for someone like you but never found what we were looking for. But when the doctor examined your scan, he called us immediately to tell us he finally did." 

"I don't understand." I tell him. 

"Your brain is special." He says with a proud smile. It's more evolved, faster, remarkable." 

I keep staring at him in confusion, trying hard to understand what he's trying to say. 

"Our body changes to adapt. We evolve. We change. But you have evolved more than most people. Like people who are born without an appendix or wisdom teeth you've evolved to the point of having a brain that is capable of much more than typical humans. A brain that wasn't supposed to be this evolved for hundreds of years." 

"You're still not making sense." 

"Stop interrupting me and it will make sense." 

"This is insane." I whisper to myself. 

"You're capable of things that most normal humans aren't capable of. You have gifts. But certain parts of your brain must be triggered so your gifts can surface. We have watched you since you were young to make sure you were fit to be part of the project." 

"Wait, watch me?" I ask. 

"Yes." He replies. "We must keep an eye on the subject at all times."

"So… Hoseok wasn't seeing things." I whisper. I feel more scared every second. "You were really there? At the window and… at the supermarket and—"

"We had to make sure you were protected and that you were fit to have these gifts triggered. Strong enough to endure having them."

"What…" Breathing gets harder. I don't know if it's whatever they did to me or just how scared I am. I'm shaking, I'm terrified. "What is…" 

"Before we triggered your gifts, we needed to know if you'd survive the process." He says. "We expected you to have died like most subjects after the crash. When you didn't, we were in awe. We knew you were the one who would survive the triggering process."

"Wait… the crash… It was you?" 

"It had to be done." 

"This is sick." I feel sick all of the sudden, dizzy, scared. I feel overwhelmed. I wonder if this is a hallucination. It's too insane to be true. 

"We had to make sure you'd survive the triggering process before wasting the trigger serum. It's a rare substance."

"Fuck..." I mumble. "What kind of messed up shit is this?" 

"We need you." He smiles, taking my hand carefully. "For the good of our world. There are many bad things out there. Threats that can hurt our country. You're the one who will make sure we are safe." 

"How will I… how will I ever do that? I haven't even gone to the military yet, I-I—" 

"With your gifts, of course. Have they surfaced yet?" 

"No." I say, immediately. I'm not about to tell him I can read minds so he can use me as a military weapon. "It didn't-- it didn't work. Something must've gone wrong, something… I am not what you think I am, it didn't, it didn't work, nothing surfaced—" 

"Don't worry, it will soon. We added more of the serum, the last of it. The gifts will surface." 

I scoff. "They won't. I'm an ordinary guy. I have no gifts or a special brain. I--" 

"I've seen your brain with my own eyes. It is special." 

"What… what did you do?" I whisper. "How did you…" 

"The surgery you had on your head. We injected the serum into your brain. Things worked out perfectly." He tells me. 

Then why can't I read their minds? What's happening to me? Is it because I'm scared? Is it because of all the negativity around me? I have never felt fear since I got these gifts, not like this. I've never felt so much darkness. Maybe that's it. I have to focus. Focus on the happiness I've felt the past few weeks, remind myself of all the love, all the kindness, of Hoseok. Focus on their minds. 

"You did very well, Changkyun. We are all impressed."

"You're a piece of shit." I tell him. "I trusted you. I trusted you with my whole life." 

"Well, I'm only doing my job. Someone needed to look after you. Prepare you for the process."

"We were like family, hyung." I tell him, tears streaming down my face. "I babysat your kids, I-I cooked with your wife." 

Suddenly, instead of fear, I'm filled with anger. Anger from being betrayed by everyone that loved me. And I cry harder, from being so angry. From being so hurt. Focus on Hoseok, not the darkness. Focus on going back to him. Focus on how he's loved you, how he's taking care of you, how he's waiting for you. Be brave for him. Remember how much you love him. Remember your promises. You said you'd never leave. 

He keeps talking about science shit and I keep ignoring him, focusing on anything but fear. And then the fear is gone and I can finally read his mind. 

Everything my manager and I went through together was based on lies. His kids aren't even really his kids or his wife, they're actors. He built a whole fake life to make me trust him. And I did. I'm such a fool. 

When I dig deeper into his mind, I see dozens of people who died in experiments, people who went catatonic, who went insane, all from going through the process I did. They're an organization that does research and experiments on people with evolved brains to control them and use their gifts to infiltrate countries and destroy those countries from within. And they stop at nothing to get what they want. 

Jeong is the doctor who experiments on people, him and his brother are in charge of the organization. Before them, his father was in charge and before his father, his grandfather. This is a hundreds of years old company. Hundreds of years of death and torture.

I'm disturbed by everything I see in his mind. Every single person he's hurt just to recreate what they did successfully only once, fifty years ago. And the person who they did succeed enabling the gifts, shot himself because he couldn't bear having them and being used to harm others. 

"Let me out of here." I tell him, fuming with anger. 

"I can't." He says. "I told you, you work for us now. You belong to us." 

"Fuck you." I say through my teeth. "Fuck you." 

"Now, now, you've always had a temper, haven't you?" 

"I said let me out of here!" I yell, and when I do, everything around me moves away. I feel like I'm connected with every single object in the room, like they're part of me like an arm or a leg. I can move things. With my mind. Holy shit, I am like Eleven. 

Jeong looks at me wide-eyed. "Your gifts have resurfaced." 

I feel the straps on my limbs as if they're a part of me. I am able to unstrap them with my mind, freeing myself. I jump from the bed, the adrenaline makes all the pain bearable. Jeong tries to grab me but I hold him down on the chair with my mind before he does, standing far from him. And apparently, my mind is really strong because I can hold down a man who is double my size. 

"Stay away from me." I yell. "I won't work for your sick organization or do your dirty work." 

I feel the insides of the lock of the door in my head and unlock it, then I run out of the building, hearing sirens blasting and bullets being fired. Someone yelling that they can't hurt the subject. I don't even think as I run out of the place, I just run, and my mind seems to do the work for me, moving everything and everyone out of my way so I can escape. And when I do, I feel lighter because all the darkness is gone. But I struggle with finding my way back. Back to him. And all I think about is how sad he must be. How he probably thinks I left him when I promised I wouldn't. But I don't give up on trying to get back, no matter how hard it is. I just wanna get to him and tell him how much I love him, and that I didn't leave him. 


	11. Don't You Dare

**_WONHO POV_ **

Being happy can be painful. Because the happier you are when something bad happens, the more it hurts. It hurts a lot. The more you know happiness, the more you know pain.

When I got down to the kitchen, all I had in mind was Changkyun and how he'd have been mad I showered without him, how he'd have been playfully sulky and I'd have kissed him, playfully offered sexual favors in order to be forgiven.

But Changkyun wasn't there. 

My smile faded when I didn't find him in the kitchen. The only person left in the house was Kihyun, sitting on the living room floor, playing video games, yelling at the players that were playing with him online.

"Kkung not back yet?" I asked Kihyun, standing by the kitchen door. 

Kihyun noticed my presence in the room and put down the headphones and gamepad then gave me a small smile. "He'll be back soon." Kihyun told me. 

"Hm…" I shoved my hands in my pocket and sighed deeply. "The guys didn't want to stay for lunch?" I asked.

Kihyun shook his head, fixing his eyes on the screen again, saying his goodbyes to the game players then standing up, stretching. "Heonie and Hyuk took the kids to that amusement park we all talked about and the others, you know…" Kihyun sighed, sitting down on the couch and patting the spot by his side. "They just made up so they want time alone." 

"Thought you wanted to visit that park too." I sat down by his side and he smiled, patting my thigh. 

"We haven't spent time together in a while." He said. "Just us." 

I raised my eyebrows. "Oh?" 

"Not like…" He scoffed. "You don't have to worry. I'm happy for you and Jjangkyunie. I'm moving on." 

"Really?” I asked with a big smile.

He nodded. “Yeah.”

“And... you're okay?" 

"I'm okay." He bit his lip, smiling. "Just missed you. Just sitting down with you and watching a silly drama, eating fried chicken."

"Sorry." I whispered. "I… I'm just happy Kkungie is back, I didn't mean to neglect you or—" 

"No, no." He tittered, waving his hands. "I'm not upset. I'm happy for you, I really am." 

I smiled, furrowing my eyebrows. “You really are?" 

He nodded. "I really am. I just… I want the seven of us to move forward, you know? Be happy. And I know you're your happiest with him." 

I let out a breath of relief, smiling then pulled him close for a hug, wrapping my arms around him tightly. "Do you have any idea how happy this makes me?" 

Happiness is scary. It can disappear in the blink of an eye and suffering will follow. 

"Why's he taking so long?" I whispered to Kihyun, lying on the couch with my head on his lap as a music show played out on the TV. 

Kihyun shrugged. "He'll be back soon." He said. "He probably has a lot to talk about with his manager, right?" 

I sighed. "I guess." 

Happiness is fleeting. 

I get up from the couch to grab my phone upstairs to call Changkyun but his phone is sitting right by mine. It makes my heart ache. It makes me worry even more. 

I ran down the stairs saying "He left his phone." Kihyun looked at me with furrowed eyebrows but didn't say anything. I sat back down by Kihyun's side, anxiety making it hard to breathe, fear taking over me, fear that he was gone, that he left again or that he was taken by those men. And suddenly happiness seemed far away. And I knew there was a chance I was exaggerating but I was so scared to lose him again. 

I texted Changkyun's manager but there was no reply. Kihyun tried to calm me down but it was pointless. My mind kept telling me he was taken, that he was gone, that the men that used to follow me took him. It didn't sound crazy in my head but it did when I said it out loud. 

"They took him." I told Kihyun, pacing around the living room. He was sitting on the couch watching me, arms crossed, worried eyes. 

"What?" Kihyun asked, sounding confused. "Who?" 

I stopped pacing and stood in front of him, eyebrows furrowed in worry and panic. "Remember when I got sick? That I thought I had hallucinations and… I saw those men, those men that were following me?" 

Kihyun nodded slowly. 

"They're real." I told him. "And I think… Kihyunie, I think they took Changkyunie." 

Kihyun sighed deeply. "Seokie…" 

"No, just listen to me." I requested. "Changkyun's manager, I-I had seen him before. With those men. He—" 

"Hyung…" Kihyun stood up, laying both hands on my arms and massaging my biceps. "I know you're worried and stressed but…" 

"Kihyunie, I swear, I-I wasn't crazy.” I uttered, wide eyed, desperate. “It was real, okay? Maybe… Maybe they knew about Changkyunie. About his powers, maybe—" 

Kihyun sighed deeply and slid his hand down my arm to take my hand. "Hyung, why don't we… Why don't we go upstairs? Take a nap and—" 

I shook my head. "I have to find Changkyunie.” I laid my hands on his shoulder, gripping it tightly. I was breathing heavily and I couldn’t focus my eyes anywhere, my eyes kept darting all over the place. I felt crazy but I knew I was right. “I have to look for him. He could be in danger and I-I know I sound crazy—" 

"Hyung, calm down." When he said that, I realized I was almost out of breath from speaking so fast and so desperately. "Changkyunie will be back soon, okay? No one took him. He's probably at his company with his manager and—" 

"Kihyunie…" 

He sighed. "Listen, we've been here before, remember?" He asked, looking at me with worried eyes. "When you get stressed you get… Creative but—" 

"I'm not getting fucking creative, Kihyun." I said through my teeth. "He might be in danger, okay?" Tears of anger, sadness, worry, filled my eyes and they quickly streamed down my face. 

"Hyung, hyung,” He cupped my cheeks and wiped my tears away with his thumb but it was pointless, tears ran down like a waterfall. “I know how traumatized you—?

"Just…" I sobbed and took a deep breath. "Just help me look for him, okay? At… at… Anywhere." 

He took a look at me, eyes filling up with tears as well, took both my hands and gave me a sympathetic smile but didn't say anything. 

"Just to make sure he’s okay." I whispered, trying to beg not only with my words but with my eyes, with the way I looked at him. I took a look at the time on my phone then shuddered and sobbed. “It's been three hours. He didn't take his phone, Kihyunie, he doesn't go anywhere without his phone, he—" 

"Okay." He interrupted me, squeezing my hands. "Just to make sure, then. He's probably at his company.”

He wasn't at his company. When we got there, we asked for him at the front desk. It took us a while to prove we weren’t crazy fans. I even had to show a picture of me and Changkyun from the night before but then we were soon told he wasn’t there. That they hadn’t seen him in a long time. They also hadn’t seen his manager in a long time. We asked around. No one saw them there.

“Maybe he’s at his old apartment.” Kihyun whispered to me calmly as we walked out of the company building, giving me a sympathetic smile. "Do you know where it is?" He asked. 

I sighed deeply, grabbing his phone from my pocket, walking down the street slowly. "I'll text his friends." 

First, I texted his 'best friend' Mina. She assured me she hadn't seen Changkyun in months and that she was in a different country. I texted Hyungseok as well, he said he hadn't seen Changkyun and was happy he hadn't. Changkyun didn't have conversations with many people on his phone, so there weren't many people I could have contacted and asked. 

I sat down on a bench in front of a seven eleven, not far from the company, back arched, forehead pressed against my forearms draped over my thighs, and started crying. Kihyun sat by my side, caressing my back, unsure of what to do, especially with the people around us staring. He leaned down and started telling me everything was going to be okay, that Changkyun was okay but I knew it wasn't true. 

I couldn't believe we ever took the fact that Changkyun had psychic powers so lightly. I can't believe we didn't realize how much danger he could be in before. I felt so stupid. We should've had spent the past months figuring out ways to protect him, not using his powers to solve our stupid dramas. I should've protected him, I shouldn't have let him out alone. 

I sobbed, sniffing and wiping my nose on my forearm. "I should've…" 

"Hyung," The younger man breathed out. "He might just be having a meal with his Manager somewhere." I raised my head to look at him. He had a sympathetic smile on but looked so worried, hand still moving on my back, fingers massaging my ear softly. His voice is so soft and small. "It hasn't been that long since he left so maybe—" 

"Kihyunie," I whispered. "Changkyun has psychic powers. He's powerful. He's really powerful."

"I know." Kihyun whispered. "I know—" 

"We don't know who knows about this, Ki. We don't know how his powers came to be or…" I sighed deeply. "You know, when I was in Changkyunie’s mind I saw he had this weird memory of the brain surgery he had… There were these unusual instruments and… there were so many people there… Changkyunie was suspicious of that memory but he was so happy to be with me he just… he just brushed it off, just forgot about it and..." I huffed. "I should've… We should've…" I wiped away my tears with the back of my hand then sat up straight. "Kihyunie, I-I think a lot of people know about this." I told him. "They probably want his powers for something."

Kihyun's expression didn't change, he just looked worried. "Hyungie…"

I sighed. "You don't believe me, do you?" I asked but didn't give him time to answer. "Doesn't it make sense to you?" I raised my eyebrows. The younger didn't reply, he just kept staring at me. I kept quiet for a minute, hoping he'd say something and agree with me, but he probably thought I was exaggerating. I did sound like an overly worried boyfriend diagnosed with PTSD. "Maybe we should call the others."

Kihyun clicked his tongue. "Hyung, they're—" 

"I'll call Jooheon." I told Kihyun with a look of disappointment. "He will believe me."

"I…" Kihyun sighed deeply. "Maybe he's with his parents." He suggested. 

"He would've told me." I told Kihyun. "He wouldn't have just left like he did if something wasn't wrong." 

"Just… maybe try to call his mom." He pointed at Changkyun's phone. "Maybe… Just to check." 

I paused, looking at him with raised eyebrows. He gave me a small smile and nodded at the phone in encouragement. “Calling her won’t hurt.”

“It’ll worry her!” I told Kihyun, frowning.

“Now when has Changkyun’s mother ever worried about him?” He asked, raising an eyebrow.

I stared at him for a moment then sighed deeply and started a call with Changkyun's mother. 

She picked up quickly, saying “Changkyunie!” very happily. “I thought you'd never call again! Your mother deserves more than a text every now and then, doesn't she?” 

“Eomeoni,” I started. “This is Lee Hoseok.” 

“Lee Hoseok?” She asked in a tone of surprise. 

“Yes, I-”

“I didn't know you and Changkyun were friends again.” 

I took a deep breath. “We were-” 

“Why do you have his phone?” She interrupted me once again. 

“He left it at home.” I explained. “He went out this morning and hasn't come back. So I'm wondering if he's with you or if he has contacted you in any way.” 

“Oh, you're… you're living together?” She asked. “You're back... back together? 

“Eomeoni…” I began saying. “I called because I'm worried about him. He left without his phone. I…” I took a deep breath. "Is he with you? Did he call you?" 

"No, I… I haven't talked to him in a while, Hoseok.” She told me. “He texts me once in a while. To let me know he's okay but… but he hasn't since last week.” 

I paused, tears streaming down my face again. I took a deep breath, nodding. “Okay, okay.” I whispered. “But eomeoni, can you please keep an eye on your phone in case he calls?” 

Changkyun’s mother promised to contact the people who might've seen Changkyun and asked me to keep her updated on the matter. When I hung up, I broke down crying. The thought of him being gone destroyed me. After my dad left me and my family, losing people has always been my biggest fear, that got worse after my mother passed, so I was living my biggest nightmare, especially because I knew he might have been taken.

I texted Mina again, asking her for places where Kihyun and I could look for Changkyun and after looking for him for hours, we didn't find him anywhere.

When there was no place left for us to look for Changkyun, I called my other friends and asked them all to meet me at my house to tell them about what was going on. The kids were left with a nanny.

"We should call the police." I say as the six of us stand in my living room. 

"Look, I…” Kihyun paused and took a deep breath. “I think you guys might be overreacting a bit." Kihyun said. 

"What?” I scoffed. “You think he just left again?" I asked. "No one has seen him anywhere or—" 

"Wasn't it how it was the first time?" Kihyun asked. “That day, he just disappeared, hyung. It feels like we are replaying the time he first left." 

"We aren't replaying anything, okay?" Jooheon said loudly, sighing right after. "I was in his head more times than any of you. I know him inside out. The thing he wanted the most in the world was to be here with us. With Hoseok hyung. He was even planning to make an album dedicated to him. He wouldn't just leave." 

"Really?" I asked, my heart feeling a molecular sized amount of comfort knowing he was planning to make a whole album for me. 

"Yeah." Jooheon replied in a whisper. "He's… this isn't like what happened before." 

"Exactly." I agreed. "That time he left, he acted weird for months, he was doing drugs and… and he didn't disappear, he told me he was leaving. This time…" 

"I believe Hoseok hyung." Hyungwon said. 

"Yeah." Jooheon said firmly. "Changkyun is really fucking powerful. He can control minds for God's sake. Who knows who could be after him. We don't know anything about his powers or—" 

"Wait, what? Changkyun can control minds?" Kihyun asked wide eyed.

"What?" Hyungwon asked out loud. "I knew it!" 

"Just—this isn't the point." I told them. "He was taken. I know it. We have to call the police." 

"Maybe we should wait–" 

"We can't wait, Kihyun." I scoffed nervously, eyes filling with tears again. "I-I can't, I can't…" I dropped down to my knees, right in the middle of the living room, and started crying, hiding my face with my hands, sobbing out loud. It had been 13 hours since he left but it felt like thirteen millenia. 

When we called the police, we told them everything, how we suspected his manager had taken him, that we looked for him everywhere and that he might be in danger. 

The police acted fast, they did suspect Changkyun's car accident was an act of homophobia, that and the fact that Changkyun's a celebrity, powered up the search and investigation. 

By hour 24, everybody in the world already knew he was missing. Everyone was looking for him. He was nowhere to be found. 

My friends refused to leave me in the house alone, so they decided to stay with me until Changkyun came back. If he came back.

Kihyun had been excused from work because of our family emergency so he was with me at all times while the others were at work. 

I was so destroyed, so sad and worried, not even the kids could cheer me up. I sat on the couch like a sculpture, watching the door, waiting for Changkyun to walk through them, waiting for one of our phones to ring, just waiting for him. 

I didn't get up to shower or to eat. I could feel the smell coming from my body from the lack of showering, but I barely noticed it, I could feel my stomach hurting in hunger, but I was too messed up to care. My friends tried to force me to shower but failed. They tried to force me to eat and failed many times.

"You need to eat." Kihyun had told me on hour 52 since Changkyun had disappeared, dropping a bag of takeout food on the coffee table in front of the couch I was sitting on. It was the seventh time one of my friends had gotten me takeout and I rejected it. "Sleep." 

"I can't sleep." I told him, eyes fixed on the door. "Even if I tried, I can't." I said. "I want to be here when they bring him back." 

"Then eat." He demanded. "You need to be alive to be here when they bring him back, hyung." He sighed deeply. "So, please—" 

"I can do that when he comes back!" I yelled. "So please, just leave me alone."

"Fine." He said, raising his eyebrows and crossing his arms. "But if you don't eat, I won't either." I looked at him raising my eyebrows but kept quiet. "I'll only eat if you eat too. Or else I'll starve with you." That was enough to convince me to eat. 

I didn't sleep or shower for over three days, just sat on the living room couch and watched and waited, drinking diet coke mixed with coffee and redbull. It was an energy bomb that gave me physical energy but made my heart hurt even more and drained my emotional energy. I still refused to sleep. 

I missed him. I was worried about him. It felt like I was dying from anxiety. Seeing all these tweets of people saying he might be dead or gone for good made it even worse. My body was drained of any sign of positive feelings. Being awake for so long made it feel like I was going insane, I felt like I was going to lose my mind. My friends noticed it, obviously. They did their best to help. Kihyun did his best too. Even if his best was a bit fucked up. 

Never in my life, I thought I'd be drugged, especially not by my own friend. But when I drank a sip of the diet coke Kihyun got me with my dinner, I suddenly felt sleepy and quickly passed out. What he did was insane but showed how truly worried he was. 

When I woke up, I was in my bed, drenched in sweat. The AC was off and it was really warm. Kihyun was sitting by my side. I yelled at him about the drugs. He explained those were the pills I used to take to sleep when I was mentally ill, when I got scared those men were following me. I told him I wasn't sick, that it was all real, that those men had been following Changkyun, not me. He said he believed me, but even if I hadn't needed the medicine back then, I needed them now, said he wanted to help, that he didn't know what else to do. He told me he was scared, told me he was also suffering because of Changkyun's disappearance. Told me he was worried about me, he just wanted me to sleep before I had a heart attack. 

Our friends were shocked when I told them what Kihyun did but we were so messed up about Changkyun, we didn't think much of it. I finally took a shower that day. Sleeping pills and actual sleep made my body feel better but my mind was a mess. We were all a mess. 

Days went by slowly. It was torture. Waiting was torture. The only time I felt this bad was when my mother died. When I found out she was gone, it was like I was brutally stabbed in the head. This all felt like I was being stabbed in the head in slow motion, the moment between knowing and not knowing. I felt like I was dying and that was purgatory. 

Twelve days passed since he had left. I spent the days moping around the house, waiting for news. I only sleep peacefully when I take sleeping pills and even then, I have nightmares that he is gone. 

Today is different, though. I dream of Changkyun calling my name. Just calling my name again and again and again, it's all I hear. I see his beautiful face in my mind, his beautiful body, the moments we've had. I dream of all of the ‘I love you's we’ve shared. 

I dream of opening my eyes and seeing him standing by the bed, looking into my eyes. He looks tired, there are bags under his eyes, he is pale, there's dirt on his face, injuries, his hair is greasy, his eyes are wide open and he's shaking me. But then I realise it's not a dream, it's real. Because I can smell him, feel his hands on my body. He is here? He is back?

"Changkyunie." I whisper, tears streaming down my face. I sit up and pull him into a tight hug, clawing at his back and pulling as close as I can. "I was so fucking worried." I sob. 

He kisses my ear then my cheek and looks into my eyes, caressing my cheek and chin. We look at each other for a moment then he presses his lips against mine, our teeth clashing so hard it hurts. We kiss desperately, like our lives depend on it. He pulls me closer by the collar of my shirt, our kiss so wet drool drips down to my chin. 

"Fuck." I whisper, pulling away from the kiss. "I missed you so fucking much." 

"We need to get out of here." He tells me. 

"What?” I ask wide eyed, pulling him by the shirt. “No, w-what...What do you mean? You just got-”"

"Come on." He says and takes my hand, dragging me out of the room. 

I keep asking what's going on but he ignores my questions, pulling me down by the arm. He grabs the car keys on the table by the door, two coats and hands me my boots and a coat and I put them on without questioning him any further. He takes me to the car and drives away, still in silence. 

I keep staring at him, waiting for answers, for him to say something, anything, but he keeps quiet. "Where the hell are we going?" I ask. “Where have you been, I was-” 

"They're after me.” Changkyun tells me. “They will find us. We can't--" 

"After you?” I sound as confused and worried as I am. “What do you mean? Where were you, Changkyunie?”

"I'm sorry I worried you." He says. He looks worried and scared. He also smells really bad. His eyes are red and filled with tears but he acts like they aren’t there at all.

"Where were you?” I ask once again. “Show me what the hell happened." 

"They took me." He replies.

"Who?” I ask. “Who took you?" He doesn’t answer the question and I groan in frustration. "What happened, Changkyun?" He sighs but still doesn't say anything. "Show me." I demand. "Show me everything." 

He shakes his head and tears stream down his face "I don't want you to see it."

"Changkyunie—" 

He sighs. "It'll hurt you, Seokie." He says. "It hurt."

"It'll hurt less if you share it with me." I tell him and take his hand. "Show me." He shakes his head. "Show me." I ask him again. 

He takes a sudden turn on the road then parks in an empty alley. He wipes away his tears then looks at me, shaking. "I can’t." He whispers. “It was-”

“If you share it with me, you’ll feel better.” I tell him, wiping away his tears with the back of my hand. I take one of his hands and squeeze it tight then lean forward and give him a soft kiss on the lips. “It’s okay, baby. I got you.” 

He stares at me, frowning sadly, then gives me a soft kiss on the lips and nods, pressing his forehead against mine. Then I can see everything.

Changkyun spent eleven days in a medically induced coma. Secret organization. Crazy experiments. Evolved brains. Moving things with his mind. Escaping from a crazy secret facility. Walking for hours in the snow wearing nothing but a hospital gown. Freezing, starving. Fainting and waking up with frostbite. Almost dying from the cold. Excruciating headaches. Excruciating hunger and thirst. Bleeding feet from walking so much. Being chased by people with weapons through the woods. Not giving up because he wanted to come back to me. Because he was worried I'd think he left me again.

It was painful. There was so much pain it’s almost overwhelming. And it’s so frustrating because I wasn’t there to help him. And in that moment I wish I had been crazy. I wish I had been hallucinating all those years when I saw people watching us but I wasn’t. They were watching us. They were after Changkyun.

After Changkyun escaped, it took him eleven hours to find somewhere safe, a gas station, eleven hours suffering, of hunger, thirst and pain, eleven hours looking for something, someone, anything. 

Two people who were fans helped him and offered to drive him home. They fed him, gave him warm clothes and offered to let him get cleaned up but he didn't want to, he just wanted to come home to me as fast as he could. 

He stops the connection too soon, though and pulls me close resting his head on my shoulder, wrapping his arms around me. 

"Changkyunie…" I whisper as he sobs in my arms. I try not to cry so hard, to be strong for him.

"I'm okay." He whispers. "I'm okay." 

"You're not." I say, caressing his back. 

"I'll be okay." He says. "I'm with you. So I'm okay." 

I kiss the top of his head and let him cry in my arms for as long as he needs. He connects with my mind again and sharing our feelings makes everything feel easier and lighter. We sit down like that for a long time. But it never feels enough. 

He eventually stops the connection. I look at him smiling, touching his face, every detail of it, because it’s hard to believe he is actually here and I want to trace every single inch of his face and never forget. I want to protect and love him.

“I wish I-”

“You couldn’t have protected me, baby.” He tells me. “You know that.” 

"These people are just..." I sigh deeply. "These people are sick." 

"I know." He says, nodding. 

"They hurt… they hurt so many people so many people."

"I know." He repeats as he rubs his face against my chest, inhaling deeply. 

"Your manager…" 

"I know, baby." 

I sigh deeply. "This is insane." 

He nods. "I know." 

I press my hand to his cheek and look at his dirtied face, his injuries, his tired eyes. "Let’s go home, okay?” I whisper. “You need to rest and to eat and t-to shower, to sleep, take care of your wounds and--" 

"There's no time, Seokie.” He tells me. “I… I-I really risked a lot by going over to the house but I needed you to know I'm okay." 

"Fuck, are they still after you?" I ask wide eyed.

He nods and sighs. "And they won't stop looking for me. So I can't stay long." He whispers, caressing my chest. 

I push him away carefully so he is sitting up and look at him with a hard frown. "What are you talking about? That wasn't in your head." 

"Because I… I learned how to control what I do and don't share." He takes a deep sigh. "They'll come after me, Seokie. I'm the first experiment that has worked in years. They know about the telekinesis thing, if they knew about everything else... They won't give up, Seokie." He presses both hands to my cheeks and gives me a sympathetic smile. "It's dangerous for everyone if I stay here. They could kill you to get to me. They will stop at nothing." 

"No." I say loudly. "You can't go. I won't let you." 

"I have to!” He says. “If you got hurt I would die. I can't… If they hurt you--" 

"They won't. They won't. You can protect me, Changkyunie. You're so powerful, you—" 

"I won't risk your safety!” He raises his tone. “I've had these powers for less than six months! I can't protect anyone!" 

"Yes you can!” I raise my tone so it’s louder than his. “You learned how to control so much, so easily. You can move things with your mind for fucks sake. You can make people do whatever the fuck you want. You can protect us! You can practice and you can--" 

"I can't!" He says even louder. "I won't risk your safety!" 

I lean back and push him hard by the chest and he gasps. "You're a piece of shit!" I yell. "You said you wouldn't leave ever again so don't you dare fucking leave me." 

"I can't stay, Seokie. I--" 

"You'll stay. You'll protect us. You're strong. You--"

"I won't stay." He says, firmly. 

"Yes you will!" I yell. 

"I won't!" He yells back. "I can't!" 

I lower my head and sniff, tears filling my eyes again. I sob quietly for a moment but then take his hands and look into his eyes, desperation on my face. "Then I'm coming with you." I whisper. "Wherever you go. I'll come with you." 

"You won't.” He tells me, shaking his head. “You're happy here, with the guys and the kids. I won't make you choose between them and me." 

"I choose you.” I tell him. “I choose you over everyone." 

"I don't  _ want  _ you to choose me!” He yells. “To waste your life running with me. I love you too much. I want you to be happy. I refuse to be selfish about this.” I cry, sobbing and shaking my head as I listen to his words. “Don't you think I want to run away with you? To be with you forever? It's what I want the most. But I won't make you abandon your entire life to be with me."

I press my hands to the back of his neck to pull him closer and press my forehead to his, giving him a soft kiss. "Please don't leave me." I whisper, brushing my lips against his. "Please." 

He doesn't say anything, sniffs and kisses me. 

"I love you." I tell him. "I don't wanna be without you again. I can't." 

"I love you too." He whispers, rubbing his thumb against my jaw. "So much, baby." 

"Then don't  _ fucking _ leave me." I say, tugging his shirt tightly. 

He gives me several kisses on the lips then nuzzles my nose and takes a deep breath. "I'll come back. I promise. I'll come back."

"I want you here  _ now _ . I don't wanna be without you for a second. I--" 

"I've made up my mind, Hoseok." 

"Changkyunie--" 

"I can make you forget me if you want." He whispers. "So you won't hurt." 

"What?" I ask, pulling away. "No. No. I'd rather suffer for the rest of my life than forgetting you."

"It'd be easier." He says, softly and takes my hand. "You would be safe. You wouldn't suffer."

"Changkyunie, stop." 

"I just want what's best for you." 

"And I just want you." 

He shakes his head, frowning, tears streaming down his face. "I do too…" 

"Then stay." I say in a firm tone. “I beg of you. I-I beg you.”

He takes me by the wrist and looks into my eyes. 

"Don't." I tell him, pulling my arm off his grip. "Don't you dare try to control my mind. Don't you dare. Don't you dare take my freedom." 

My arm suddenly flies back to his grip, like it's being pulled by the air and he looks into my eyes, intensely. 

"Don't." I whisper. "Don't leave me. Please. Don't." 

"Get out of the car. Don't come after me. Live your life. Keep going. Don't be sad over me for too long." 

"Changkyunie…" I whisper, tears streaming down my face, trying hard to fight the need to do what he demands. 

He pulls me close by the back of my neck, harshly and presses his lips against mine in a desperate kiss. 

Once he pulls away, he looks into my eyes intensely and then I can't fight it anymore, I can't stop myself from doing as he says and getting out of the car and just standing there, watching him drive away. And then he's gone. 


	12. New

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Three years after Changkyun left Hoseok

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi please leave comments I wanna know what u guys think  
> Follow me on Twitter @ wenee904

When I told my friends what happened, there were a lot of tears. Everyone was a crying mess. We didn't know when we'd see him again or if we'd ever see him again. We were a mess. 

Word got out that he was seen in many places and the fans that helped him out told the police they saw him and that he left willingly. The police asked us about Changkyun but we pretended we didn't know anything. 

We were a complete mess for the first few months following Changkyun's departure. I was so sad I felt like my heart was being stabbed slowly and non stop. I quit my job, I barely left the house, I cried all day, I didn't work out, barely showered, I was the definition of a mess. The others were hurting almost as much but I could tell they tried to keep it together for me, to be strong for me. They tried to comfort me at all times but it was almost pointless. I felt at loss, I was constantly scared, worried, anxious, depressed. 

The day the police told us they'd stop looking for him, that there was a chance he was dead, was the day I felt like dying. If he was dead I wanted to be dead too. That's how I felt then. We were all heartbroken. We knew him being dead was a strong possibility. 

For about six months, it felt like my ribs were knives and that everytime my heart beat, it got stabbed. That's how much pain I was in, constantly. 

But then one day all these awful feelings were suddenly gone. Just like that. I stopped missing Changkyun as badly, stopped feeling so lost and devastated, and started living my life. And even though I didn't want to, it was like I lost control of my mind, and it was so frustrating. 

After those feelings were gone, time went by quickly. Days, weeks, months, years. I started living again. I started working out again, going out a lot more, spending more time with the kids, like before, I even opened a business with Hyunwoo, a gym, I moved on like Changkyun demanded I did. Not because it was my choice but because I had no control of it. And even though the other feelings were gone, I lived with the constant feeling that something was off, something always felt wrong. 

And then I met her. Chanhee. She was a beautiful, tall, curvy and sexy woman. When we met, she was wearing loose gym wear, her hair was braided, hair long enough to touch her butt, full lips tinted red. She was perfect. 

After she got a membership at the gym, she showed up every day. I was assigned as her personal trainer by Hyunwoo. I liked her, she was funny, bold, sexy, cute, sassy. A lot like Changkyun. So much like Changkyun, I would've cried from missing him and how much she reminded me of him if I wasn't under mind control.

Chanhee and I became close friends. At first, I didn't dare to ask her out even though I liked her, all I did was look at her and smile. But then she was the one to ask me out, being the bold woman she is. I said yes, of course. 

It's been three years since Changkyun left me at that alley. Three years since he took my heart with him. Chanhee and I have been together for one and a half years now. Even though I'm with her and I really like her and the sex is really good, I don't love her. Things never feel right. She isn't Changkyun. He still won't leave my mind. I might have kept going like Changkyun said I had to but I still love him, he's still the love of my life. 

When Chanhee told me she loved me, I lied saying I loved her back. She asked me to move in with her but I told her I wasn't ready. Because as hard as I tried to fall for her, I couldn’t. Because I felt like if I did love her, I would be betraying Changkyun. And even if he betrayed me, I would never betray him. I feel guilty for being with someone I don’t truly love. I try to ignore that feeling but it's always there. Something always feels off. 

Olivia really likes Chanhee. She even started braiding her hair like Chanhee does every day. Chanhee is a journalist so Olivia says she wants to be a journalist just like Chanhee. They get along very well. 

My friends, though, they don't like Chanhee, neither does Namkyu. Of course, they're very nice to her but they don't trust her. They don't like that she comes to family dinners or that I try to include her in things as part of the family. And I get that, they weren't mind-controlled like me, it was easier for me to live on. To keep going. Like Changkyun told me to. But for them, it wasn’t easy at all. I watched them struggle throughout these years as I got by the easy way, by being mind-controlled.

It has been two years since we opened the gym and it's doing great. Since everybody knew I was Changkyun's boyfriend, many of his fans became members of the gym as an attempt to hear stories about him and find out things about him. I share stories of us both with his fans all the time, nothing too intimate, though. Which made them like me and made them wanna stay. 

Today has been a slow day, though. It's almost Chinese New Year so most people go home to see their family. Since my only family are my friends, their parents always come to our house and we all celebrate together. 

There's only one person at the gym by 8:30, she's a nice young girl, twenty years old. She started working out here because she's a fan of Changkyun but stayed because she really likes the gym. We are friends, not close but we always chat since she usually stays late at the gym, so it's usually just us and a couple of other students. 

I stand by the treadmill she's running on. We are talking about her trip back home, that she's leaving on New Year's day since she has to work until the day before. We tell each other about our families and she tells me about how she's planning on having a baby. She says she might be too young but she really wants a kid and she really loves her husband. 

"Hoseok." Our conversation is interrupted by someone calling my name.

When I turn around I'm shocked to see Changkyun standing there. And my heart begins to beat faster as it usually does when I'm around him. He's alive. He's alive. He came home. He looks so different. His hair is dark, longer, his piercings are gone, he has a huge scar on his forehead and a bigger one on his neck, there are bags under his eyes, he looks tired and he's wearing way too little clothes for the January weather. He's staring at me intensely and I can't move or speak. I feel like crying like never before in my life but I can't. I can't do anything. It is like he's in my head. Like he's holding me in place with his mind. And it makes me so much angrier and him. 

The girl by my side squeals and jumps from the treadmill. "Changkyun oppa!" She yells. 

"Grab your stuff, go home and forget I was ever here." He says to her and she does exactly what he says, without even blinking or questioning him. Guess his powers grew stronger since he left. Now he can control minds without touching people. 

I wanna yell at him, punch him, hug him, kiss him, but I can't even move. And I am also so shocked I don’t even know what I would do if I could move. But I know that all my heart wants is to forget everything, run to him and be with him forever. Because he's alive. 

"Hi." He says, walking closer to me. "You look beautiful.” He tells me and sighs. “I came to free you. From my commands, you know, when I told you not to be sad and… Well… I free you from my previous commands." When he says that last part, tears stream down my face, and my heart fills with the familiar sadness. It's like all the sadness I was supposed to have felt for the last two and a half years come crashing down. And it hurts a lot. The knives are back up in my chest stabbing my heart at every beat. I drop down to the floor crying like a baby and he gets down on his knees by my side to cup my cheeks and look into my eyes. 

“I missed you so fucking much.” He says then takes a deep breath. "I know you're angry." He says. "I'm sorry I took so long to come back." 

He's reading my mind. I hate him right now. I love him so much. I'm so happy he's here, yet so angry, so sad. Ugh, why can’t I control my damn tears. I can't look away from him. 

"Taking them down took longer than expected." He whispers, eyes filling with tears, glued to my own. Taking them down? The bad guys ?"I'm sorry I left like I did." He whispers. "But if I didn't, they'd keep coming after me—after us… for the rest of our lives and I...” He caresses my cheeks with his thumbs, eyes roaming over my face, and gives me a soft smile. "You look so beautiful." He whispers. "I'm so proud of you. You have done so much since I left..." 

He stares at me for a long moment and I sit there frozen, crying. Suddenly, I gain back control of my body and I am able to move my hands. But I keep sitting there, staring at him and crying. Then he pulls me closer and presses his lips hard against mine. I'm shocked but happy. I don't push him away, all this time all I've ever desired was to have him in my arms, kiss him, touch him. I'm so happy he's alive even if I'm upset, upset he left like that, took away my freedom, didn't let me look for him, I'm just glad he's alive. 

"How could you leave me?" I whisper between sobs as he begins to leave kisses on my cheek and forehead. "How could you…" I sob and sniff, looking away from him. 

"I'm sorry, I… I missed you so much." He whispers and leaves soft pecks on my lips. "Fuck, I missed you so fucking much, Hoseok." 

I place my fists on his chest and softly push him away, looking into his eyes. “Where were you?" I cry. "I thought you were dead." 

"Baby, I told you I'd come back." He whispers and presses a soft kiss to my lips but I push him away again. 

"You can’t just… show up like this and kiss me like nothing ever happened. I can't believe you did this to me, I—”

“I just…” He presses his fists against his eyes, looking like he is trying to hold back his tears. “I'm sorry." He cries. "I just missed you so much.”

He tries to kiss me again but I stop him, softly pushing him away. "Show me everything." I demand.

He looks at me and tilts his head. “What?" 

"I wanna know everything that happened while you were gone." I tell him, standing up, wiping away my tears and trying to get myself together, to look tough. "Show me what happened." 

He sighs, standing up from the ground. "I can't." 

"What do you mean you can't?" I ask, still crying, trying to stop sobbing like an idiot but not being able to. "You left me for three years, Changkyun. You promised you would never leave me!" Anger starts taking the best of me. 

"I can't, Seok, I-I'm sorry but I can't—" 

"You told me you'd never leave me again and you did!" I raise my tone, trying to make myself sound tough even though I can't stop crying. "So I need to know why! I need to know what was more important than being here with me! What was more important than me!" 

"Hoseok, nothing is more important than you." He says, calmly and puts his hands on my cheeks to wipe my tears with his thumb. "I left so I could be with you."

"You're full of shit!" I whisper, wiping away my tears, trying to control them. 

"Seokie, all I've ever wanted is to be with you." He says, trying to take my hand but I slap his hand away. 

"Do you think I'll believe anything you say after all this shit?" I ask. "You've read my mind, right? You've seen how much I've suffered because of what you did." 

"Baby, I'm so sorry." He takes a deep breath, tears streaming down his face. "I'm so sorry. I just wanted to fix things so we could be safe. I—" 

I'll only believe you if you show me what's in your mind!" 

"I can't. I can't show you." 

"Then just leave." I tell him then turn around heading straight to my office because I just wanna sit down and cry, I can barely stand from the amount of sadness I feel. I get in the office and lie down on the couch on my side, hands tucked under my head, taking a deep breath. 

He follows me, though, to the office, and sits by my side on the couch, back pressed against my stomach, closing and locking the door with his mind. 

"If you look into my mind, you'll run off forever." He tells me and places a hand on my shoulder to caress him.

And even if he is looking at me, I refuse to look at him. I cross my arms, pouting and crying like a child. "You said you can control what you show me." I sniff and sob. "So just show me what you have to show me." 

"I can't." He says. "Because everything I did was awful. Everything that happened was awful." He sighs deeply. I look into his eyes and he looks absolutely devastated. "The minute I drove off that alley I... I'm not the same as I was before. I did awful things. And I'm no better than the people who were after me." 

"Show me." I cry out. "Just—" 

Changkyun interrupts me by roughly pressing his lips against mine and getting on top of me. He holds me down and keeps me in place. He's so much stronger now, stronger than me. 

I can't stop myself from kissing him back. Drinking in his scent, his taste, the feeling of his tongue on mine finally making everything feel right. I missed him so much. I kiss him deeply, passionately and desperately. We are soon full on making out. 

He runs his hand down my shirt to touch my nipple with his fingers then pulls my shirt up with his other hand. But I stop him by pressing a hand against his chest, shirt pooled under my armpits. I am not a cheater, as much as I wanna be with Changkyun, as much as I want this, I don’t wanna cheat on anyone.

"Stop." I whisper with my eyes closed, out of breath from the eager kisses. 

"She doesn't love you." He tells me. "And you don't love her." 

"Stop reading my mind." I tell him. 

"Sorry." He whispers, caressing my chest over my shirt. "I just got used to doing it all the time." 

"She loves me." I tell him. "I don't wanna cheat on her." 

"She doesn't love you." He says, looking right into my eyes for a moment then sighs deeply. "You can't trust her." 

I open my eyes and frown, tilting my head. "What? You don't even know her!" 

He looks into my eyes and touches my cheek to caress it, wiping my tears away with his thumb as I keep crying. "I know everything." 

"What?" I scoff. 

"You can't trust her, Hoseok." 

"You leave for three years and now you think you have the right to come back here and act jealous? Tell me who I can and can’t trust?" 

He sighs. "Trust me." 

It's laughable, really. Him asking me to trust him. But what is more laughable is that I am such a big idiot I still trust him. "You're kidding me, right?"

He doesn't say anything and keeps looking into my eyes, caressing my chest, then he leans down and presses his lips against mine again in a soft and slow kiss. 

"Why didn't you wait for me?" He whispers, brushing his lips against mine. "I told you I would come back." 

I take a deep breath. "You told me to keep living." I tell him. "Even though I didn't want to, I didn't have any control." 

"I'm sorry." He says. "About everything." 

I stare into his eyes for a long moment, it feels like I'm hypnotized. My pride keeps trying to hide the fact that I'm glad he's here, that I love and trust him, that I'd do anything for him, but it's so hard. "I'm an idiot." 

He blinks rapidly. "Why would you say that?" 

"Because after all you have done my heart is still willing to forgive you." I say, breathless, sobbing as tears keep streaming down my face.

He smiles, caressing my cheek, trying to wipe the tears as they fall down my cheeks. "Because you love me." He whispers. "And I love you."

I raise my eyebrows. "Do you?" 

"Of course." He assures me. 

"But you left me." I tell him. "Twice. And yet you say you love me, so I don't even know if love means anything to me anymore." 

"Of course it does." He whispers. "Or else you wouldn't even listen to a word I have to say." 

I cross my arms and huff. "Maybe I won't."

"But you want to." 

"I told you to stop reading my mind." 

"I'm not." 

The way he looks into my eyes is very intense, like he can see my soul. We keep our eyes locked for a moment. The mood feels intense. Changkyun is intense, he's different, rougher, different from his usual self. 

"Are you back for good?" I whisper and sniff. "Are you here to stay?" I ask, I hope he can't see how hopeful I am through my expression. 

"I don't know." He replies. "If you want me to stay, I'll stay." 

"I…" I place my hands on his hips, sob as the tears slide down my cheeks. "I'm so mad at you, Changkyun."

He nods. "I know, baby." 

"I hate… I hate how I couldn't feel what I was meant to feel and I-I. I hate how fast I moved on. I hate how everything felt wrong and off and…" I sob and press my fists to his chest, hard, but he doesn't even move by the impact of my fists. "I hate that you left me. I hate you so fucking much." 

He leans down, cupping my chin and presses a soft kiss to my lips. When he kisses me, the anger and sadness fade away for a moment and I focus on his lips, how soft, sweet and familiar they are, how good they feel on mine. "I love you." He whispers, brushing his lips against mine. "All I thought about was you.”

I nod and let him kiss me again and again, not being able to control myself or let my pride and anger be strong enough to stop me from letting him kiss me. I let him kiss my lips, my cheek, my neck. I kiss him back with so much desire and love. I feel so relieved and happy to have him here, to be kissing him, I can't help but cry as we kiss, making the kiss mess not only because of how emotional we are but because of all the tears. 

“The thought of you made me wanna keep going." He whispers between kisses on my lips." It made me wanna keep fighting.” He whispers, nuzzling my nose. “Fighting so I could come back to you. So we would be safe together.” He presses his forehead against mine and sniffs and I feel his tears drip down to my cheeks. “Made me wanna survive when I wanted to give up." 

I open my eyes and cup his chin so he opens his and we look into each other’s. "You wanted to give up?" I ask.

He nods and sighs. “But I didn’t." Changkyun whispers. "I promised I would come back, didn’t I?”

I give him a soft smile then nod .He looks at me for a moment, caressing my cheeks with his thumb and smiles at me. Then he gets off me, standing up and sits on the chair across from the couch. Now he doesn't look at me anymore, he spins the pen that's on the floor with his mind and keeps staring at it. 

"Changkyunie?" I call his name softly, sitting up on the couch and looking at him. He sighs but doesn't say anything. "What is it?" I whisper. He remains quiet, staring at the pen. "What's wrong?" 

Changkyun sighs deeply. "I can't show you what happened." 

"Why not?" I ask. 

He sighs again. "Because… it was bad, Seok." 

"I don't care." He says. "We've shared everything there is to share, haven't we?" 

"It's different." He sighs. "You'll… you will change, you—" 

"I won't." I say. 

"You will." He says. "Everything will change." 

"It won’t." I utter. "I know who you really are.”

“I’ve changed.” He says and purses his lips. 

“I will love you no matter what, Changkyun.”

“You won’t.” He says with no emotion in his tone. “When you see it, things will change. I know I… I'll be alone. I’ll be alone again.” He whispers like he is talking to himself.

“You won't be alone.” I assure him and reach out to grab his hand. “You may have broken your promise to never leave me but I'll never break mine." 

He raises his head to look at me. He looks confused as if he never knew I wouldn’t abandon him even though I have told him many times I never would. 

"I don't break my promises like you do." I tell him

He stares at me for a moment then nods and sighs deeply. "I should go." He says and stands up, letting go of my hand. 

"What?" I stand up too, standing in front of him. "No." I say and grab him by the arm. "Where are you going?" 

"I should… I should just go, Seok." 

"Please, don't… Don't go again." 

He gives me a soft smile then runs his hands through my hair. "I can’t show you what happened, Seokie.”

I take his hand again and give him a soft smile. “It won’t change how I see you.” I tell him. “I promise.”

“I can’t." He tells me. “I can’t, Seokie.” He lets go of my hand and pulls his arm off my grip. “And I should go, I-I should--”

"You said you missed me" I whisper, my head aching from crying so much. 

He leans in and gives me the softest kiss, lingering there for a while. I wrap my arms around his neck and pull him closer to deepen the kiss, pushing my tongue in his mouth. He wraps his arms around my waist and holds me tight as if I will disappear at any moment. The desperation as we kiss, coming from us both, makes things more and more intense.

Kissing him feels like coming home, it makes everything fit perfectly, we fit perfectly, my heart feels with joy just by having him here. My mind is a mess, there are so many feelings, but all I focus on are his lips on mine. 

To my surprise, he is the one to pull away from the kiss. We are both breathing heavily. I can feel his warm breath on my lips as he brushes them against mine. He is tugging at the collar of my shirt and I’m tugging at the end of his shirt, tightly, afraid he will disappear again.

“You can’t trust her.” He whispers.

“Why?” 

“I love you.” He says, taking a step back, away from me

And one second I am looking right into his eyes, the next he is gone. Literally gone. He disappears right in front of my eyes. Shit, how many new powers does he have now?


	13. What Happened?

**KIHYUN POV**

Hoseok asked me to pick him up from work so we could have dinner at his place. I promised I’d cook. When I got to the gym I was annoyed Hoseok wasn’t waiting for me at the door like I had asked him to. I hate it when I have to get out of the car to drag him out of the gym to stop him from doing the extra work he insists on doing. 

I drag myself out of the car, rolling my eyes and cursing under my breath. Why can’t he just wait for me where I asked him to? Why does he have to do finance work? They have an accountant, he doesn’t need to recheck his work every single time.

But as soon as I walk into Hoseok’s office at the gym, I am glad I got out of the car, because I find him lying on the floor, curled up and crying, sobbing so loud he sounds like a hungry child. 

"Hyung!" I call him as I get down on my knees next to him and grab him by the arm so he looks at me. 

"Kihyunie." He sobs, sitting up and pulling me into a hug, crying and burying his face in my chest. 

"What… what happened?" I whisper, wrapping my arms around him and hugging him tightly. 

He doesn’t reply at first, he keeps crying, sobbing out loud right in my ear. I got used to seeing him like this, broken, but it still hurts me deeply every time I do. He…" He trails off and sobs even louder. He tries to speak again but can’t say anything coherent, so I just keep holding him, caressing back, pulling him as close as I can, and let him cry in my arms for as long as he desires. 

He doesn’t stop crying, bawling and sobbing like that for another twenty minutes. He holds onto me for dear life, mumbling nonsense. I keep whispering that everything will be okay, that I got him, that it’s alright. He eventually calms down, relaxing his body against mine, drying his tears on my shirt, holding tightly onto me.

"Why don't I get you some water?" I whisper in his ear. “Then you can tell me what’s going on.” He pulls away from the hug and looks into my eyes. It breaks my heart to see his swollen eyes and face wet with tears. I carefully caress his cheek with the back of my hand and give him a small smile. “Hm?” He nods, sniffing and wiping his eyes with the back of his hand.

When I get up, he does too and sits down on the couch. I get out of the office to grab a bottle of water and a pack of candy in the vending machine then come back, smiling at him sympathetically. 

Hoseok eats the candy and drinks the water in silence. The crying has stopped and he's only staring at the floor. I take one of his hands, squeeze it softly then start caressing the back with my thumb.

"Hyung,” I whisper. “What happened?" 

He takes a deep breath then brings the bottle of water to his mouth to drink the last of it. He puts down the candy and looks at me with worried eyes.

“You’re worrying me.” I whisper, squeezing his hand a little tighter.

"Changkyunie was here." He tells me.

I gasp. “What?” Hoseok nods. “He’s alive?”

“Very alive.” He replies. “He’s… different.”

" Where was he?" I ask

Hoseok sighs. "He said he was trying to get rid of the guys who were after him but... But he was so… he was so cryptic, I don't know..." He. 

"Well, did he-- are they gone now? Can Changkyunie come home?" 

“I don’t know, I mean…” He pauses, grabbing another piece of candy. "He said he'd stay if I wanted him to." 

"Well, didn't you tell him to stay?" I ask, frustration and worry starting to show in my tone.

"Kind of… I don't know. I-it was confusing, Kihyunie. I was so angry then so… so fucking sad." He turns his head and looks at me. "Apparently he can free people from his commands. If he wants to tell you to forget he ever told you to stay away from me, you'd feel everything as if he never told you to." 

That reminds me of the day he told me what Changkyun had done. That he had forced me to leave Hoseok alone. Made me remember how frustrated and angry I felt but at the same time, thankful he helped me forget a man who would never love me like I loved him. And thinking of losing that scares me. "What?” I ask in surprise. “Really?" 

He nods. "Yeah. And he just said 'I free you from my commands' and now it feels like all the sadness I was supposed to have felt through all these years has come crashing down."

"Shit.” I lay a hand on his shoulder and squeeze it softly. “Shit, hyung. That's… Crazy."

"I know!" Hoseok groans. “God, it’s awful. I feel awful, Kihyunie.”

"Well… Can't you tell him to make you stop being sad? Like with his mind controlling whatever." 

"No. No.” He says, shaking his head. “I don't want him to control my mind. I want to feel what I gotta feel and then get better. I don't want an easy way out. It feels wrong, it feels odd and just uncomfortable, I hate it."

I sigh. “I know.”

“I just…” Hoseok sighs. “I don’t know.” 

"How can we talk to him?" I ask. "Is he staying in town? Where is he staying?"

"He didn't say. He barely said anything." Hoseok takes a deep breath. "He was acting so weird, Kihyunie. He has all these scars and he seems so tired and just so… so sad. He was so  _ fucking _ weird, especially when I asked him to show me what happened when he was gone." 

"Weird how?" 

"Just… just weird. Like, not like him."

“Well, it’s been a long time since you last saw him.” I tell him. “And if what he said is true, he must have been through a lot.”

Hoseok nods. “I know.” 

"Well, then we need to find him." I utter. “If he’s been through a lot, if he… if he isn’t doing well then he needs us right now.”

"We won't find him if he doesn't want us to.” Hoseok tells me. “He is way more powerful now. He literally disappeared in front of my eyes!" 

"Really?” I gape for a second, looking at Hoseok then scoff. “Like teleported?" 

Hoseok shrugs. "I don't know. Teleportation? Invisibility? I don't even know anything anymore." 

“This is fucking insane.”

“I know.” Hoseok sighs deeply then rests his head on my shoulder.

"I guess we just have to hope he will come back." 

"Why does this keep happening?" Hoseok cries, tears emerging from his eyes. "Why does he show up and leave? Does he  _ want  _ to hurt me?" 

"Changkyunie is stubborn. He does whatever he thinks is best for people. He just wants what's best for you." 

" _ He  _ is what's best for me. I just want him back. I want him here.” Hoseok buries his face in my chest, crying into my chest. “I won't be mad at him anymore if it means he will stay.” He cries. “I just can't take losing him anymore." 


End file.
